The Lovers are Losing
by JMasonD7
Summary: Johanna Mason is the female Mentor from District Twelve. Her life is never the same when Katniss Everdeen is selected for the 74th Hunger Games. AU (slightly) trilogy, Joniss. Enjoy! "I dreamed I was watching / the young lovers dance / I reached out to touch your hair / But I was watching from a distance."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to the Hunger Games Trilogy, in a universe where Johanna Mason (and Haymitch) are Katniss and Peeta's Mentors. I will be veering from canon (even more) greatly after getting through the first book. But there will be some Everlark, I suppose. There will be Joniss. There will be blood. :) Enjoy and review! (Title inspired by Keane's song "The Lovers are Losing." Great track, I recommend it highly.)**

* * *

When Effie Trinket knocked on the door, she had to inhale the largest breath her lungs could hold. The past four years of being the District Twelve escort had been especially trying. Haymith Abernathy was a cantankerous older man with a smug streak, but she had become accustomed to him. As accustomed one could get to a perpetually drunk, hands-y rascal. And he, to her. They had an understanding - he was to be on his best behavior while the children were in the arena, and she would overlook _most _of his transgressions otherwise. But four years ago, when District Twelve native Johanna Mason had surprised Panem with her upset victory, Effie was unprepared for how to deal with the tempestuous young girl. From the moment she stepped on stage at the Reaping to this very instant, they were always at odds. She seemed to thrive on needling Effie at every single turn in the times they had seen each other.

However, Effie was willing to overlook it because Johanna had become a much more helpful Mentor than Haymitch. In spite of her objections and acerbic personality, she seemed to take a genuine interest in the Tributes. But she had to steel herself emotionally every time they saw each other, because Johanna took such pleasure in unnerving her. She knocked melodically on the door.

"You're going to come in anyway," the rough voice called from inside, before the door unceremoniously swung open. Johanna eyed the escort, who was dolled up in a bright fuschia outfit with alabaster make-up. The rim of pink around her eyes accentuated the natural blue of her eyes. Johanna always thought that if Effie was to finally get rid of that get-up, she'd probably be a pretty woman. But no one would ever know, because Effie insisted on dressing like an idiot every time they saw each other.

"Good morning Johanna!" Effie called gleefully, letting herself and the stylist team into Johanna's home. Johanna swept her hand back in a grand gesture, which went purposefully ignored by the Capitol team. Effie scrunched her nose as she took in the state of the Victor's home. Unlike Haymitch's, which looked lived in only for the empty glass bottles scattered all over the floor, Johanna's home looked bare. Moving boxes sat unpacked, no pictures hung on the walls. A lingering smell of liquor and firewood hung in the air. "This place is cheerful as always," she piped, looking to the disinterested dark-haired woman.

Johanna smirked, running her fingers through her recently shorn hair. It had been down near her back when she won her Games, but she took to cutting it at her shoulders ever since. The stylist's picked up the tresses and grimaced, backing off only after Johanna snarled at them. "What did you do to your hair, dear?" one of them asked, circling her like a vulture.

"I cut it, you moron," Johanna replied quickly, placing her arms akimbo. "Is there a problem?"

"I would say so," Effie interjected, crossing her arms over her loud outfit. "You look like an absolute mess. But that's no trouble, dear, as we'll fix you right up, won't we?" She looked at the stylists, who ushered Johanna into the bathroom in spite of the woman's expletive-ridden objections. Effie sighed, reaching down to wipe invisible germs from the couch, then sat down gingerly on the fabric. She clasped her hands over her knees, waiting patiently for the stylists to be finished.

Her eyes darted around the room, where the only decoration in the entire home was a fishing net hung in the corner. Effie managed a small smile - it was a gift from Finnick, the winner from a few years ago. Effie had met him on several occasions and found him charmingly repulsive. Far too young to be subjected to the Capitol's hungry crowds, but he was always very pleasant. He and Johanna had struck up a quick friendship that Effie always imagined was more. When pressed Johanna had vehemently denied it, citing Finnick's devotion to another recent Victor, Annie Cresta. Finnick was the only friend Johanna had, so Effie didn't want to push the matter further. She had witnessed what loneliness did to a Victor - Haymitch was living proof.

When Johanna reemerged she looked much improved, in Effie's estimation. Johanna, however, was far from pleased. The ridiculous updo her hair was in made her feel like a doll instead of a killer. But she appreciated the heavy eyeliner that outlined her brown hues. A form-fitting black dress with navy blue accents was supposed to match Haymitch's typical navy blue tie. Her image after the Games - as a rebel with a cause - meant that she spent most of her time in dark clothes. Not that she minded; dark clothes felt natural, like a constant state of mourning.

"Off to the slaughter, then," Johanna announced crudely, receiving disparaging looks from the escort.

"Really, Johanna, must you?" Johanna mocked the woman behind her back, and upon the turned head of Effie, she formed her lips in a straight line and shrugged. Peeved, they began walking toward Haymitch's house. Effie had already been there that day to wake him from his stupor and made sure he put on a tie. Haymitch stumbled from his home before they arrived, tossing a glass bottle against the side of his house. When Effie opened her mouth to speak to him, the blonde man held his hand up.

"Please, Effie, not now. I'll have to listen to you enough on the train," he complained, and Johanna let out a small chuckle. As much as she slightly detested the man, she admired his candor. They had different approaches to their post-Victory shambled lives - he drowned his in liquor, she buried hers in physical training. Not to say that she didn't over-indulge in liquor, but she wasn't soaked through and through like he was. Most of her free time was spent in metalworking. Her family were metallurgists from as far back as she could remember, and her father's particular skill had been making extremely strong, flexible metals from chemicals he found in the Seam.

Although they probably could've afforded to live in the Merchant village, the Masons had lived in the Seam in District Twelve. Johanna had resented this poor upbringing, but Mr. Mason had insisted they live simply. He distrusted the Capitol, furtively, and did not want to make them more money, or propogate this "us vs them" mentality that divided the classes in Twelve. So in their massive amounts of downtime when there was no electricity, he had taught Johanna his trade. In turn, she had expanded upon this skill and began making weapons.

Weapon-making was strictly forbidden in the Districts, so Mr. Mason agreed to have Johanna hand over everything she made to the Capitol after a representative from the city shook them down. In turn, they would be allowed a small fraction of the profits, mainly in the form of grain and old. Obviously, all of that changed after Johanna won her Games. She became the Capitol's property.

...

Johanna watched into the crowd of children as Mayor Undersee began his speech about the history of the Hunger Games. She had learned not to make a face, since she had been punished one year for looking too disinterested in the history. Instead she scanned the crowd, looking for familiar faces. There were one too many. The Dade family, with their house of two boys and two girls; the Hawthornes with more kids than was entirely necessary, and the spots of fair-skinned kids from the Merchant villages. Johanna thought it interesting how you could see the line between the Seam and the rest of Panem just by surveying the children. A dark, dirty smudge was apparent on the DNA of kids from the Seam. Their darkened complexion, their green eyes, and the humbled but proud way they carried themselves in the Merchant district, as well as their relaxed joviality in the Hob.

When Johanna tuned back into the proceedings, Effie's already drawing names. "Primrose Everdeen," Effie called out. Johanna heard the murmurs and watched as a little flit of a girl emerged from the crowd, looking wholly frightened. Cautiously she stepped forward, until the commotion a few rows behind stilled her movements.

"I volunteer!" the voice shouted in a strangled cry. The Peacekeppers kept her at bay. Johanna squinted to try and see her from the stage. Instead she brought her eyes up to the camera televisions. She didn't look familiar, other than that obvious "Seam" complexion. "I volunteer as tribute!"

Johanna hid her shocked expression, however Effie had not. In fact, Haymitch looked practically asleep, while Effie looked like someone had rammed a rod up her back. The dark-haired girl watched as the brunette took the place of the blonde who took solace in Gale Hawthorne, the eldest of the needlessly large Hawthorne clan. Katniss stepped up to the microphone, introducing herself. "Katniss Everdeen."

Johanna's eyes widened in spite of herself. The girl's sister. Effie called the male tribute, a homely looking fair-haired boy named Peeta Mellark. No one volunteered for that boy. After Effie's flourished conclusion, no one clapped. That was not unusual, Twelve was always somber since they so rarely had Victors. But Gale's hand went up in the three-fingered salute. Suddenly the entire crowd gave the silent salute. Johanna felt a little bit proud of her fellow District residents.

Effie looked around nervously, trying to smile in spite of the egregious behavior before her. Haymitch, of course, exacerbates the situation by putting his arm around Katniss' shoulders. "I like you. You've got spunk!" Katniss looks absolutely horrified, but is covering it with a stone face that only _slightly_ looks fearful, Johanna thought. "More than you!" he shouts, directly at the camera. He then promptly falls off the stage and is carried out on a stretcher into the building. Johanna stifles a grin.

Effie ushered the children into the Justice Center, pulling Peeta and Katniss into separate rooms where they could say good-bye to their families. Johanna and Haymitch lingered outside the doors, and the man slid Johanna a flask. Without question she took a hit of the liquid. It felt like molten steel going down her esophagus.

"What the fuck, Haymitch? Is that just straight from the medicine cabinet?" The older man laughed, taking a casual sip of the horrendous liquid. She shook her head, waving her hands in the air. "You're gonna be lucky to live another year with that stuff." As Johanna finished her sentence, the door to Peeta's room opened and Mr. Mellark emerged, carrying a small white bag into Katniss' room. Through the cracked door both Victors can see the weeping mother with her arm around Peeta. From what Johanna can remember, Mrs. Mellark's favorite son was not Peeta, but there she is, sobbing like it's the end of days. For Peeta, it probably is.

Haymitch look at her knowingly. "Exactly how lucky is that?"

* * *

Johanna makes small talk with Effie as the blonde struts around the train car, mouthing off their list of to-do items that "must be completed" before they get to the Capitol. It's the same run down every year - prep the Tributes, answer their questions, be on our very best behavior ("Do _not _make a scene again!") and be nice. Effie knows that neither Victor will be nice, but she does rely on Johanna to be at least helpful.

When Katniss walks down the narrow hallway, Johanna and Peeta are already seated at the table. "Where's Haymitch?" Katniss asks, looking to the blonde-haired boy.

"He said he was going to take a nap," Peeta informs, with just a slight hint of amusement. They all know he's three sheets to the wind, and Effie looks more than relieved to be without his company.

Effie mentions something about it being better for everyone, and they all begin eating. Johanna watches the two young Tributes carefully, eyeing their table manners. Peeta looks well-fed, and his overall demeanor says he comes from money. Johanna squints as she tries to place him. With a small noise that goes unnoticed, she finally recalls the Mr. Mellark owns the bakery in the Merchant village. When her eye catches Effie's, the woman gives her a smile. "Well you two have lovely table manners. Johanna was _decent _when she came on the train, but last year the two kids ate like a couple of savages. Completely put me off my appetite."

Johanna can feel her blood rise at the jab. Those two kids were from the Seam. They probably hadn't seen a decent meal in their entire lives. Effie shrinks back as Johanna glares in her direction. When she returns her eyes to Katniss, she sees the young girl has begun eating with her hands. As her eye catches Johanna's, the older girl smirks. Haymitch is right, she does have spunk.

Speaking of, the inebriated older man enters the room. Johanna's eyes go wide again. He is looking pretty bad. "Did I miss supper?" he slurs, then promptly vomits on the floor and falls in it.

Effie grunts her displeasure and tosses her napkin on the table. The three of us are laughing at his misfortune, but Effie is beyond pissed. "It isn't funny," she demands in a loud voice. "This man is one of only two lifelines you have in that arena. The odds will _not _be in your favor if he continues to act like a miscreant for the entire trip. Your very lives are in his hands." With that she storms off, leaving Johanna, Katniss and Peeta at the table.

The Tributes' faces grow somber. Johanna sighs, getting up from the table. "Hey, Baker Boy, help me with this?" Johanna calls to Peeta, lifting up Haymitch's arms. The man groans but doesn't really come back to them. Peeta helps drag the Victor back into his room.

"I'll clean him up," Peeta offers, looking sympathetically to the drunken man slouched on the floor, covered in his own sick.

"Get some sleep," Johanna suggests. "I'll call the Capitol people. Let them deal with him." Peeta nods his consent, slowly taking off for his room. Johanna kicks Haymitch in the leg, getting an angry swipe with his large arm. Johanna dodges him quickly, shaking her head. "You're a fucking mess."

With that she leaves the room, going back toward the dinner table. Katniss is still seated there, staring down at her food. She doesn't look up when Johanna enters, but the raven-haired girl knows she can feel her presence. What little Johanna knows about Katniss is that she is a skilled hunter that does well in the Hob. Poor, dead father, friends with the oldest Hawthorne. Devoted to her little sister.

Johanna slides into the bench across from Katniss, trying to catch the younger girl's gaze. "You should get to bed," Johanna offers, sitting back against the wall. She takes another long swig of her undisguised liquor. "Not that you'll sleep. You probably won't sleep for the next three weeks, to be honest," Johanna admits with a shrug. Katniss smiles at her. "But it's good to pretend."

They sit in silence for a few more minutes, Johanna watching the young girl tearing at her pieces of sweet bread. "Look, you're gonna hear this a lot for the next few days, but what you did for your sister was pretty brave." Katniss lifts her eyes, staring at the older girl.

"Thanks," she replies, unconvincingly. Katniss isn't exactly sure what to make of her female Mentor. She remembered to when she was twelve and she watched Johanna win her Games. She had gone in as a weakling, a laughably inept, poor kid from District Twelve. But anyone in the District could've told them that Johanna was a weapons expert, particularly skilled with a tomahawk. After most of the other Tributes had cleared themselves out, Johanna emerged as a vicious killer, slaughtering all the remaining tributes with a self-made tomahawk she had fashioned from leftover weapons in the game. Katniss couldn't remember seeing much of Johanna before or after her Games, only that her parents had died about a year ago and that she spent a lot of her time either holed up in a blacksmith shop that she had built outside her home in the Victor's Village, or down in Four with the other Victor, Finnick Odair. "She deserves better than this world."

"Don't we all." Johanna bites her lower lip, tapping her foot nervously on the ground. Katniss' intense eyes were staring at her, and for once in her life, she was uncomfortable under all the attention. "Haymitch isn't as useless as he seems. He did win his Games," Johanna reminds. She and Katniss were too young to have seen the Games themselves, but Haymitch's victory in the second Quarter Quell was legendary. As was his descent into complete alcoholism following the murder of his family. He was supposed to be a warning to Johanna. To Finnick. To Annie. But Johanna was never good at taking direction.

Katniss snorts in disbelief. "I guess it's worth it just to see how upset Effie Trinket gets."

Johanna lets out a laugh, surprising the brunette. "Oh you have no idea. It's only going to get worse." Her laughter dies down as she lifts the flask to her lips, downing the rest of the liquor. She wipes her mouth on her back of her hand, stretching out her jaw. She lets out a sigh, leaning back against the wall. "Effie's not so bad. I'm sure she'd rather be the District Two escort, but she's nice enough. Haymitch is...well, he hates everyone. But if you let him know you're not some fucking idiot, he'll treat you a little better."

"Is that how you won?" Katniss asks, pushing her plate away. A few Capitol employees begin clearing plates, refilling Johanna's glass with a ruby red liquid she had never seen. It smelled a little fruity, but reeked of alcohol.

Johanna let out another laugh, but this one was harsh. "Haymitch? No. I mean," Johanna sighed. "I guess. He told me not to let anyone know what my skill was until I absolutely had to. I didn't really have any, except that I'm sick with an ax and I'm decent with a bow," she informed. Katniss raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Good with a bow? That was a surprise. "Didn't get a bow in the arena and I don't know how to make one. But I could make a tomahawk. So I did. And then I killed everyone." Katniss was surprised with how pleased the woman looked with herself, but tried to mask it. She should be somewhat proud of herself, Katniss figured. She was pretty slight when she won, the same age as Katniss was now. And as she scrutinized the woman's features, she didn't quite believe all the bravado. She knew that undercurrent of pain because it was hers, too.

"I don't think that's going to work for me," Katniss replied with an eye roll. "They won't believe two of those stories from the same place."

Johanna nodded. "You're probably right. But we'll figure out what your skill is soon enough, Kitty Kat." Katniss' eyes went wide, appalled at the nickname Johanna had bestowed on her. The dark-haired girl gulped the last of the wine, leaving just a bit in the glass. She stood, handing the liquor to the other girl. Katniss grimaced and Johanna rolled her eyes. "I probably won't stick with that name." Katniss let out a small chuckle. "But you should take a drink of this and get to bed. Effie will be along before you know it." Johanna let her hand sit on Katniss' shoulder, her fingers lingering on the exposed skin for a moment too long before taking off.

Katniss eyed the glass warily as her Mentor disappeared into another room down the hall. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, staring at the glass that had a small smear of crimson lipstick on the rim. Johanna certainly was an interesting figure. Katniss couldn't remember seeing her all that much around Twelve, except for right after she won, and right after her parents had been executed for illegal activity. Katniss remembered only because it was so rare that anyone in Twelve was executed. Johanna wasn't even present for the execution, she arrived a day later. After that, nobody ever saw Johanna much. The rumor was she was sleeping with Finnick, the handsome Victor from Four.

For whatever reason, that didn't quite sit well with Katniss. First, it seemed unlike Johanna to be some gorgeous guy's sex kitten. And second, she understood the pain of losing one of your parents. Essentially she had lost both of hers when her father died, since her mother was very ill afterward. She figured since Johanna didn't have to live with all the memories, she chose not to. She imagined Finnick was more like Johanna's Gale. Her confidant. Her friend. It alleviated a weird feeling in Katniss' stomach to decide that Johanna and Finnick were definitely not sleeping together.

As she retired to her room, she felt a heaviness on her chest as she lay awake, listening to the train rock her to sleep. She thought of picking blackberries with Gale, of doing Prim's hair. All of that seemed ages away now. Her mind drifted to her Mentor who slept two doors down. She wanted to get to know her, but she wouldn't get a chance. Because within a few days, she'd probably be dead.

* * *

"Rise and shine!" Effie calls into Johanna's room, letting the light shine into the darkened compartment. Johanna groans and tosses a pillow in her direction, which lands in a thud in front of the escort. "Johanna, please remember to conduct yourself well in front of the Tributes. Do not let Haymitch's poor behavior reflect upon the lot of us."

"Yeah, Johanna," Haymitch calls from behind Effie, his words already slurred. Johanna looks at her clock with one squinted eye - 8:01am. How does he already have any liquor? Is it just an IV that drips it into his veins? "Don't be a poor role model." Johanna can't quite see but by the surprised yelp and two steps forward Effie takes, it becomes clear he's pinched her bottom. She storms passed him, muttering expletives.

Johanna and Haymitch follow after her, the latter not able to stop his chuckles. The Tributes look at them expectantly. Johanna smiles at Katniss, who looks like she might've slept in those clothes. But at least maybe she slept a little, Johanna thinks to herself. Better than she did on _her_ train to the Capitol.

They eat in silence, only filled with Effie's voice as she begins talking about the schedule of events that the Tributes are expected to attend, how long they go on for, and so on. Katniss looks like she's about to fall into her plate of eggs, and Johanna smiles. She pushes a cup of steaming black liquid toward her, nodding. "Drink it." Katniss' nose scrunches as she smells the liquid. _Coffee, _she realizes. They couldn't afford any back home, but her mother was very fond of it. "Drop a sugar cube or two into it," Johanna instructs. "Everything tastes better when it's a little sweeter."

"Is that some of Finnick Odair's advice?" Johanna turns slowly to face Peeta, who suddenly looks horrified at his joke. Katniss' eyes enlarge, losing herself in the taste of the coffee. Johanna's eyes become dangerously dark, and Katniss finds she can't stop staring into them. Something about Johanna is so darkly enigmatic, and the younger girl found herself very drawn to it. But Johanna's glare is fixed at Peeta, who looks like he has shrunk about four feet into his chair, so she doesn't notice Katniss' stare. "Sorry," he mutters.

"So Haymitch," Katniss interjects, trying to break up the awkward moment. "You're supposed to give us advice?"

"Yeah," Haymitch replies, lifting his red drink in the air. "Stay alive." He laughs uncontrollably at his joke, but the others on the train sit in silence. Effie leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's funny," Peeta says with a nod. Suddenly he lashes his arm out, smacking the glass onto the floor, shattering it. "But not to us." Johanna raises her eyebrows, a little bit impressed by the normally reserved boy's anger. Haymitch suddenly reaches back and clocks Peeta in the jaw, sending the boy to the floor. Katniss instinctively picks up her knife, stabbing it in between Haymitch and his other drink. He grabs his own knife, and Johanna lunges across the table, grabbing the larger man by the throat. With all the strength and adrenaline she can muster, Johanna pins him to the wall. His knife clatters to the floor, the only sound to be heard in the cabin.

"Touch her and I'll fucking kill you myself," Johanna seethes in a whisper, her dark eyes boring into Haymitch's icy blue stare. They know each other well enough by now that Haymitch nods and Johanna lets him go. She has chosen her favorite. Haymitch rubs at his throat, looking at Peeta from around Johanna, whose fists are still shaking with rage. Katniss watches interestedly, wondering what Johanna said to Haymitch that took him down a peg. She also was affected with how quick and strong Johanna was. It made her stomach stir in a way she had never known before. Katniss takes a long gulp of her coffee to try and settle whatever feeling that was.

Peeta applies some ice to his lip. "Don't," Haymitch says as Johanna sits back at the table, this time next to Katniss. Her close proximity makes Katniss shudder, imperceptibly, thank goodness. She can see how taut and fine Johanna's muscles are, and from this distance, she can feel the other woman's body heat. Katniss nearly swoons until she takes another loud gulp of her coffee. Peeta furrows his brow in confusion. "Let it look like you got roughed up with another Tribute."

"We're not allowed to do that," Katniss interjects. Johanna eyes her. She was pretty handy with that knife. She begins to wonder if the young hunter had any real hunting skills. Something she could translate into killing people, and not just squirrels.

Haymitch shrugs. "Who cares? So you fought and didn't get caught. Good. Now stand up." Neither of them budge and Johanna lets out a sigh. She nudges Katniss with her elbow, and the brunette reluctantly stands back from the table. Peeta walks around, standing next to her. Haymitch inspects them, nodding. "I guess they got me another set of fighters, hm? Before Johanna, I don't know how long it has been. And you're not bad looking."

"Look," Johanna interjects, walking around the Tributes to stand next to Haymitch. "If you don't get between this idiot and his liquor, he will stay sober enough to get you through this." Haymitch opens his mouth to protest, but Johanna's wild glare shuts him up. Katniss watches this exchange, the ghost of a smile on her face.

Haymitch nods again. "When you get inside the Capitol, the stylists are going to remake you. They are going to do a lot of things you're not going to like." He levels his eyes at Katniss. "Do not refuse." As expected, she opens her mouth to protest. "Trust me, they know a lot more about what the Capitol wants than you do." Suddenly behind him, the glare of the Capitol emerges from the darkness of the tunnel they were in.

Johanna watches as both Tributes go walking toward the window, amazed at the sight. They share a look, one of sadness. Their first ride to the Capitol was fun, too. But everything after is a nightmare. Peeta begins waving to the crowd, and off Katniss' surprised stare he shrugs. "Who knows? One of them may be rich."

Johanna lets out a chuckle, and both Tributes turn and look at her. "Don't get too excited, kid. They want to see you die."

* * *

"Fire?" Johanna asks, running her fingers through her hair. One of the stylists passing by harumphs at how she's mussed the style, but quickly scatters under Johanna's glare. Cinna smiles and nods, as calm as ever. "You're going to set them on fire."

"Not quite," Cinna replies enigmatically. "The illusion of fire. Do you think they should be in coal miners outfits?"

Johanna thinks back to her costume - a barely-there set of overalls with a headlamp. She hadn't objected - she hadn't said much at all - but she looked ridiculous. Twelve had been dressed as coal miners for years. When Cinna emerged after the Reaping, Effie was alight with glee. Apparently he was one of the best designers in the Capitol. Luckily for Peeta and Katniss. "Touché."

...

When Katniss emerges from her dressing room, Johanna can't help but allow her jaw to slack. Katniss looks...incredible. The tight black jumpsuit hugs her physique, which is fit, if a little too thin. But the cape. Something about it shimmers a bit too much, and she catches Cinna's gaze and he smiles like a madman. Katniss, for her part, looks almost comfortable in the get-up. "Holy shit, Twelve," Johanna says, her mouth spreading into a grin. "You look hot."

Katniss blushes, looking down at her boots self-consciously. "Apparently I'm going to be even hotter later," she replies, giving a nod to Cinna. "On fire, even."

"Hard to imagine you could look hotter." Katniss' cheeks flush with embarrassment, and Cinna just chuckles softly under his breath. Johanna grins and nods toward the hallway. "Let's go find the boy." She loops her arm through Katniss' as if they were two friends going to the market, instead of just two near strangers about to put on a show.

Effie greets them as they get to the chariot, and Peeta looks relieved to be away from her chattering. He also is staring at Katniss, with more than just a little bit of desire in his eyes. Off Johanna's unintentional glare, he clears his throat and looks away. Johanna's mouth curls into a smug grin. "Where's Haymitch?"

Effie grunts. "Somewhere under a spout, I'm sure," she replies with an uncharacteristic snarky remark. "No matter, Johanna and I are here. And Cinna!" She greets the man with two light air-kisses, prompting eye-rolls from all three Twelve natives. "Okay, now up into your chariot." Effie claps her hands excitedly, and the two Tributes climb into their chariot. Just after Eleven is half-way around the bend, Cinna uses a torch to light their capes. They both gasp as the horses take off, a trail of fire behind them.

Johanna and Effie close in after them, and Effie is trembling with excitement. "They are going to steal the show."

"_She _certainly is. The boy needs a little help not looking so constipated." Effie slaps Johanna's arm playfully, watching the crowd applaud and gasp for the two flaming Tributes from Twelve. Johanna turns to Cinna, rapping him in the shoulder. "Now where were you when I was a Tribute?"

* * *

As they disembark the prep teams descend upon them, putting out the flames and loudly clamoring about how amazing they looked. Johanna scans the area, and the sneers from other Districts (One and Two especially) confirm what she already knew: Twelve had stolen the show. More importantly, Katniss had stolen the show. Her effortless beauty and how natural the flames look around her, had enraptured the entire audience. Probably the entire city.

Haymitch finally emerges looking dapper in a suit, but his typical glossy-eyed stare gives his drinking away. Johanna eyes the Tributes as they remark on each other, whispering in low tones. Something unfamiliar rushes through her veins as Katniss gently kisses Peeta's bruise. Haymitch notices the younger girl tense and takes her by the wrist. "That's going to be their advantage," he whispers. Unable to tear her eyes away from either Tribute, mostly Katniss, Johanna doesn't respond.

Effie interrupts the moment by announcing that they must retire to the Training Center. The five of them fit into the smallish elevator and Effie presses the button so they immediately ascend to the Twelfth floor. When the elevator rings at the destination, everyone slowly files off. Katniss looks longingly behind her and Johanna steps back inside. "Wanna ride?" she asks suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows.

Without waiting for instruction Johanna closes the door and presses the button to descend back to the ground floor. Katniss presses her nose against the glass, her hands up on the pane as well. Johanna watches with amusement, pressing the "12" button again. Katniss looks delighted as it shoots back upward, getting them to their destination in less than a few seconds. "Thank you," Katniss says in a whisper, an embarrassed rosiness to her cheeks.

"Not a lot of fun to be had after training starts in a day or so, so might as well get your fill." Johanna leads Katniss to her room and watches as the brunette's eyes go wide. The room is covered in so much expensive fabric, so many gold-inlaid pieces of furniture, it was amazing the first time Johanna had seen it, too. It was bittersweet, Katniss' wide-eyed innocence. Even if she won, she'd never be able to look at the Capitol (or the world) with such innocence again. "Yeah, it's pretty overwhelming in here. I mean, fuck, if these are going to be your last days, go out big, you know?"

Katniss laughs - at the absurdity of the plushness of the room, the ridiculousness of trying to make her "last days" comfortable so far from home - and falls back onto her bed, running her hands along the velvety feeling of the fabric. "Has Haymitch talked to you about our strategy yet?" Katniss suddenly sit upright, trying to coax a sober expression onto her face.

Johanna shakes her head from the doorway. "Not yet, kid. But we're working on it. By dinner tomorrow we should have something ironed out for you guys." She puts her hands in the pockets of her pants. Katniss, for the first time tonight, openly admires Johanna's look. They've forsaken a dress this time in favor of a tailored suit, which cuts a feminine figure. No shirt underneath a fitted blazer, which dips just below Johanna's breasts, exposing her lack of a bra. Katniss figures they must be taped in there, because any movement would've caused the fabric to crease and there would be no more secrets about Johanna Mason. The tailored black pants fall down to her large, stiletto heels that Katniss isn't sure how anyone walks around in. And the smoky eyeliner they used just makes her look even more menacing than her constant scowl already does. But she doesn't make Katniss feel any fear. It's more magnetic than that.

"Oh, okay." Katniss looks around the room, inhaling the sweet smell of the air. Everything in the Capitol seemed like it was dipped in sugar. She looked to Johanna, who seemed very distracted at the threshold of her room. "Do you stay here, too?"

Johanna nods. "A few doors down, if you need anything." She stands in the doorway for a few more awkward moments. "Well, sweet dreams, girl on fire." She winks at the Tribute and closes the door behind her.

* * *

At dinner the following night, Katniss and Peeta are both in better moods. Effie has filled them in on how amazing they looked, and conducted themselves, at the chariot ride. Johanna and Haymitch watch silently, allowing the stylists to discuss amongst themselves about their next idea for them. Cinna is, as usual, mute on the matter. Johanna keeps her eyes on Katniss, whose youth is hidden beneath a set of eyes that look like they've seen too many turns of the world. She remembers that feeling, of being too old for her age, but too young to feel so old. After her parents had been murdered, the only solace she had found was in Four with Finnick. His relentless light had been the only thing that could pull her from her darkness. She wasn't sure Katniss had anyone to find solace in. From the Justice Center, the only non-family member was Gale Hawthorne. Suddenly, Johanna's head throbbed at the thought that maybe there was more there than just an acute friendship.

Once the flaming dessert was served and eaten, Haymitch stood from the table. "Now, if you two kids will excuse us, the adults have some talking to do. Get some sleep. Tomorrow's the big day."

Katniss and Peeta are at once insulted but obedient, bidding their goodbyes to the stylist team. Once they are safely out of earshot, Cinna turns to Haymitch and Johanna. "So what's the plan?"

"The boy wants to protect her. He's practically given up on himself," Haymitch reveals. Johanna spits her drink back into the glass, getting an eye roll from Effie. "My solution is to present them as a team. As two of a whole. He's presented an opportunity they both need - to look like star-crossed lovers."

"I'm sorry, what?" Johanna interrupts, glaring at the older man. Something about watching Katniss fawn over Peeta made her temperature rise. "What kind of plan is that?"

"A good one," Haymitch shoots back. "He's going to try and protect her, and she's not going to allow it unless she thinks it speaks to their survival. You've seen her. She's too selfless. She'll pity him, once she gets over it. It'll help them both survive as long as possible. But the girl's too stubborn, so we have to work around her."

"You're just going to have him spring this on her? When?"

"At the interviews. She'll go in and talk about her sister; everyone likes Primrose. She's very sweet." Johanna rolls her eyes. She hadn't spent enough time in Twelve to know Katniss' little sister. She was surprised Haymitch had spent enough time outside of a bottle to notice her, either. "And Peeta will say he's in love with Katniss. And that will be how I get them _both _sponsors. Otherwise, he'll die and she'll probably get crushed by a Career."

For some reason this enrages Johanna who slams her fist on the table. Effie lets out a quiet whimper of surprise. "And if I object?"

Haymitch laughs, taking a long pull from his flash. "And why, pray tell, would you object to this plan?" The way he eyes Johanna speaks to how much he understands her. How much her understands what she herself cannot fully understand yet. Yes, she favors Katniss. She usually favors the female Tributes. But the thought of Katniss and Peeta being lovers makes her irrational.

Unable to explain that coherently, and without sounding like a complete lunatic, she quiets down. "It's tacky," she offers lamely.

"Tacky, but powerful." Johanna resigns herself into her drink, unable and unwillingly to argue the topic any further. But Haymitch looks so smug she wants to launch the knife at his face. While he blathers on more about how the set-up will work, Johanna drowns him out with her own thoughts. She vows to get some alone time with Katniss to explain this plan. To tell her how it really should go in the arena. How she has to look out for herself. How Johanna will be looking out for her.

She doesn't question this newfound loyalty to Katniss Everdeen. There's no time for that when she could be dead within a week.


	2. Never Give All The Heart, For Love

"Johanna!"

"Finnick!" Johanna threw her arms around her muscular friend, gripping his shoulders tightly in a hug. In the comfort of the Mentor's cafeteria, she had no issue displaying her affection for the sandy-haired boy. The other Mentors could all go to hell, for all she cared. When she pulled away from the embrace, she saw the elderly woman smiling behind him. Poor little Mags, she was so small, like a child. She was so old she looked like she won the very first Hunger Games. Older, and wiser, than the Earth itself. "Where's Annie?"

Finnick's smile dropped slightly. "Couldn't make it." Before he could slip into melancholy, Mags took his hand. His grin lifted again. "But Mags is fierce, aren't you Mags?"

The woman nodded, pretending to stab Johanna with an imaginary spear. Johanna held up her hands in defeat, following the pair to the buffet where they were to serve themselves. "How are your Tributes this year?"

Finnick shrugged his shoulders, popping a grape into his mouth as he loaded his plate. The man could eat an entire horse and never look less fit. "Nothing extraordinary. Not Careers, that's for sure. What about you? I saw their display in the chariot. Nice."

The trio sat down in a table far away from the other Mentors, stowed away in the corner of the room. Johanna paused a moment, thinking upon Katniss. The girl had a way of creeping into Johanna's consciousness, unbidden. "The girl has potential. The boy...if she helps, might survive the first day."

"Helps?" Finnick asked, looking to Mags. She was busy fiddling with a rope in her hands, effortlessly tying an intricate knot.

Johanna shook her head. "Never mind. One of Haymitch's schemes so he doesn't have to work so hard." Johanna didn't exactly want to give away Haymitch's plan. If he did succeed, it would behoove Johanna not to tell someone who could ruin it. If Finnick told his Tributes, they would know it was a farce. No need to spoil it. It could save Katniss' life.

* * *

At dinner, Effie and Haymitch are not at each other's throats. Instead, the three adults (well, two..Johanna was half Haymitch's age. Probably Effie, too) grill the two Tributes on their day. Peeta seemed to be taking it all in stride, but Katniss looked pissed. The entire night she is angrily silent, while Peeta chats amicably with everyone. That's his skill, if nothing else. Not tossing big bags of flour, but the ability to talk to anyone, about anything. When they retire to their bedrooms, Johanna makes a point to stop at Katniss' room before going to hers. She knocks softly on the door.

"Peeta, I told you to leave me alone."

"Good thing I'm not him, brainless." Johanna opens the door, closing it behind her and waltzing in like it was her own home. She flops down across the foot of Katniss' bed, in spite of the surprised and slightly irritated look Katniss was giving her. She turns on her side, propping herself up with her elbow. "Have you been making friends with Peeta?" Her tone, amused and superior, irks Katniss.

She glares at the woman, crossing her arms over her chest. "I think this whole idea is ridiculous. We have to kill each other. Why are we pretending to be friends?"

Johanna manages a small shrug despite her position. She traces outlines on Katniss' bedsheets, lazily drawing circles in the soft fabric. "Haymitch seems to think you'll get more sympathy, aka sponsors, if you look like a team." It's not a complete lie, but Johanna feels dishonest. "Personally? I think you should go in there, get your hands on a bow, and kill every single one of those fuckers."

Johanna's serious tone makes Katniss smile the first real, open smile she's had in a while. "You don't know I'm any good with a bow."

"The Boy speaks of it highly. And by the feel of his soft hands, I'm sure it's because he's eaten your game, not seen you shoot." Katniss lets out a sharp laugh, which in turn puts a smile on the older girl's face. As her laughter dies down, Johanna's smile begins to fade. "Katniss... You're not going to have any trouble getting sponsors. Your only issue is that nobody _likes _you." Katniss looks briefly hurt, but it disappears quickly. "The way to get people to like you, is to get Peeta to like you. People like him. He's affable. For some reason, his dumb charm woos the Capitol. Get closer to him, get closer to victory, get closer to going home to your sister."

The thought of Prim makes Katniss' eyes brim with tears. She looks away, embarrassed at her show of emotion. She should be passed this by now, but she's not. The fresh pain of missing her family stings her heart. "Sorry."

"What for? For missing your family? Shit, Katniss, everyone misses their family. I know this sounds hypocritical coming from me, because I'm a raving lunatic, but showing emotion can be a good thing."

Katniss raises her eyebrow, rubbing her face with the back of her hand. "That _does _sound awfully hypocritical." Johanna smirks. "But I don't think you're a raving lunatic. You're a survivor."

"Like you," Johanna answers quickly, giving the young girl what she hoped was a genuine smile. She hadn't given out one of those in a while.

"Not like me," Katniss replies, shaking her head. "I'm a nobody."

"For now." Johanna lifts herself off the bed, walking to the door. "When you go into your private session, don't let them ignore you. You'll be last, but make sure to be the one they remember."

Without another word she exits the room, leaving Katniss alone, upright in her bed. The brunette brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She let the tears fall freely, trying to expel all the emotion from her body. She missed the smell of Prim's hair, the aroma of her mother cooking, the sweet scent of earth and fire that hung outside their house. She even missed stupid Buttercup.

Wiping her family from her mind, she began to think about her Mentors. Haymitch had shaped up into being surprisingly helpful, but it seemed Johanna went out of her way to make Katniss feel better. Judging from her attitude toward everyone else, Katniss felt like that was something special bestowed upon a select few. But why was she doing that? Out of sympathy? Out of habit from being a Mentor? Did she think Katniss was weak and needed more help? Probably not. If she thought Katniss was weak she probably would've slit her throat herself.

All Katniss could figure out was Johanna made her feel safe. As if maybe, just maybe, there actually was a glimmer of hope that she'd see her family again.

* * *

When Katniss returns from her presentation for the Gamemakers, she runs into her room so fast all Johanna sees is a whirl of green and brown, like the falling of a tree in the forest. They all call to her, but she slams her door shut. Haymitch looks at Johanna. "What the hell happened? Did you tell her to do something?"

"Me?" Johanna asks, irritated. "Why is this my fault? I didn't tell her to do anything. She doesn't listen to anybody anyway."

"Sounds familiar."

"Fuck off."

"That sounds familiar, too." Johanna scrapes the chair against the floor as she backs away from the table, tossing her napkin on to her plate. Calmly she walks down the hallway to Katniss' room, where she gives a nod to the redheaded Avox outside her door.

"Katniss?" Johanna calls, leaning into the wooden door. She hears a soft sob, and for some reason, it tugs at her heart. Then she hears sniffles. "Katniss, can I come in?"

"Are you going to go away if I say no?"

Johanna chuckled. "Probably not." With that she opened the door, revealing the brunette in a heap on the middle of her bed. Closing the door gently behind her, Johanna crossed the room to sit next to the pile of Katniss. "Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"I shot an arrow at the Gamemakers," Katniss admits, her face muffled into the mattress. Johanna's eyes widen as far as they can go, until the dryness forces them to blink. Then she laughs. She laughs so hard she has to phyically hold her sides. Katniss sits upright, her hair mussied and her face red. "Why are you laughing? What are they going to do to me? To my family?"

Johanna continues to laugh, choking on her laughter. She grabs Katniss' pillow, shoving her face in it to stifle the onslaught of chuckling. When she catches Katniss' eye out of the corner of her own, she's got a small smile on her face, too. Johanna inhales, smelling the lemony scent of Katniss in the pillow. She tries not to dwell on the fluttering in her stomach too much, tossing the pillow onto the floor as if it burned her. "Nothing, Katniss. They won't touch your family. Then they'd have to admit you did something they couldn't control." Katniss looks only slightly relieved. Johanna bursts out in another laugh. "What did their faces look like?"

"I don't know," Katniss mumbles, hugging her body close. "I dismissed myself."

"Oh my _god_, that's fucking rich," Johanna replies, looking scandalized. "I knew I liked you."

Katniss raised her eyebrow, barely hiding a smile. "I guess then you won't let me die, huh?"

Johanna sobered a little, shaking her head as she stared at the ceiling. "I can't promise you that you won't get your throat slashed in the first ten seconds, Kat." Katniss wasn't sure anyone had shortened her name that way before. Usually people didn't give her a nickname. She didn't like people, and they didn't like her, so she didn't get affectionate (was that was that was?) nicknames. Other than Gale calling her Catnip. "But if you manage to hold out, I will try my best to get you whatever I can. So will Haymitch."

"Peeta wants to be coached separately," Katniss says suddenly, moving her legs so she's sitting cross-legged on the bed. Johanna lists her head to the side, gazing at the younger girl. "Should I be concerned?"

Johanna shrugged. "Not really. He and Haymitch can have their girl talk, and I'll teach you how to kill people."

"I thought you were gonna teach me what to say."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Oh right. Well, you're screwed."

* * *

Katniss storms into Johanna's room, her skirt hiked up above her knee. Johanna looks up from her book, a raised eyebrow not giving away how fast her heart is beating at seeing more of Katniss than she ever had. She looks furious. Johanna places the book down on the table beside her, clasping her hands. "So, how did that go?" she asks amusedly.

"Fine," Katnis grumbles. The brunette grabs a chair, pulling it over across from Johanna's position on her bed. She plops in a very unladylike fashion onto the chair, ripping her hair out of its braid. The long strands tumble around her shoulders, and Johanna is so distracted by how tousled and gorgeous she looks, she doesn't hear her. "-in these stupid heels."

"Hm?"

Katniss glowers at her. "Were you not even listening?"

Johanna pretends to look offended. "I was. Effie's stuff isn't as important as this, so basically forget it." Katniss rolls her eyes. "Look, we need to go over how you're going to present yourself. People are already talking about you." Off Katniss' surprised look, she rolls her eyes. "You're so dense. Do you not see the way everyone looks at you? You're special, Katniss. But when you talk, you're boring and unlikeable."

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm not here to boost your ego. You want that, go talk to Baker Boy." Katniss looks puzzled but Johanna presses on. "We need to find an angle for you. Something for the idiots at the Capitol to grasp on to. Cocky, humble, smart, witty, funny, sexy, mysterious, whatever. They're already in love with the idea of you. This pretty girl from the poor district who fights for her sister. But they need to be in love with _all _of you."

Katniss had gotten caught on the 'pretty' comment like a shirt on a rose bush. She tried to brush it off. "I'm not a good liar."

"Then let's work on it."

...

Three hours and forty-five minutes later, Katniss is pacing around Johanna's room, biting her nails. "Wow, Twelve, you are hopeless." Katniss glares at her, about to open her mouth when Johanna smiles. "But luckily for you, you're going to look better than you sound. And that's all that matters in this town."

"So we just give up?"

"Hell no we don't give up. Look, when you're here with me, you are ..._tolerable _to be around." Katniss glares again. "I'm kidding. I like you. Cinna likes you." This makes Katniss smile in spite of herself. "The Capitol adores you. But when you talk, it can fall flat. When you talk to me, you don't. So imagine that Caesar Flickerman is me. Except, please don't imagine me in a crushed velvet suit and blue hair. I don't think I'd look good with blue hair."

_You probably would_, Katniss thinks in spite of herself. "I guess I can do that."

"I know you can. Cinna's going to make you look stunning, and Caesar will make everyone like you."

"Did people like you in your interviews?"

"Nope," Johanna replies cheerfully. "And that was the point. I was pointless. Weak. Stupid. And then I won. So you do whatever you have to do to win." Johanna stands, straightening the neckline of Katniss' dress. Katniss' eyes close for a moment, startling Johanna. Did she ..enjoy the contact? Not the time to think about that. "You have the spirit of a fighter, Katniss. Use it."

* * *

Johanna and Haymitch find their seats in the audience, watching dutifully as Caesar goes through the interviews. When Katniss' name is called, her breath hitches as she watches this gorgeous creature descend the stairs. Haymitch looks at her, his eyebrow raised. "Well, well, she sure does clean up good."

Johanna shushes him, and watches with rapt attention as Katniss finds her in the crowd. Johanna gives her a thumbs up and Katniss finally begins to relax. He asks her about the city, about her costume. She twirls for him, igniting her costume to the delight of the crowd. Caesar is beside himself, catching the dizzy girl. "Don't want you to end up like your mentor."

The camera cuts to Haymitch and Johanna and Caesar cackles. "Not the beautiful one, the other one!" Haymitch and Johanna wave off the attention, and the camera turns back to Katniss. He asks her about Prim and her smile fades a little. Her eyes find Johanna's again and she gives her a nod. Johanna isn't sure Katniss can see it from her seat on the stage, but Katniss speaks with love about Prim in her natural voice.

Johanna looks out at the crowd, and they're practically drooling for the young girl. Haymitch pats Johanna on the leg. "You did good. Whatever you said to her, it worked. At least a little."

...

During Peeta's speech, Johanna watches the crowd react positively to him. Begrudgingly she admits to herself that there is a certain self-deprecating charm about the boy that is alluring. But when he drops his bombshell about his love for Katniss, Johanna's mouth is agape. Haymitch looks smug. Johanna wants to strangle him. "You knew about this?" she squeaks in an alien whisper that doesn't sound anything like her natural, low timbre.

"The boy told me. I helped."

Without another word, Johanna stands from her seat and storms off into the back, taking the elevator back up to her room, alone. Why was she so angry? This didn't change anything. It didn't change how Katniss felt about Peeta - her distrust of him. Did it? Girls were pretty flaky in that department. And what did it matter to Johanna, anyway?

Her thought process was interrupted when Katniss, Peeta, Effie and Haymitch all come up in a whirlwind of shouting. Katniss wastes no time, shoving Peeta into an urn that shatters, broken shards cutting his soft hands. "What was that for?"

"For making me look weak!" Katniss screams, balling her fists at her sides. Johanna immediately comes up beside Katniss, placing a calming hand on Katniss' arm.

"He did something you never could on your own," Haymitch interjects angrily.

"What? Make me look like an idiot?"

"No, you can do that on your own," Johanna adds, and Katniss pulls her arm away. Johanna frowns.

"Made you look desirable, sweetheart."

"I thought she was already desirable," Johanna mutters to no one.

"What do you think gets more sponsors, Katniss? The 'nice enough' girl from Twelve, or the heartbreaker from the district with the star-crossed lovers?"

"But we're _not _star-crossed lovers!" Katniss pleads, pushing Haymitch with her hands.

"Who cares? It's all a big show!" Haymitch looks like he's about to retaliate when Johanna steps in between them, shaking her head. "You want to protect her? Fine. Get her sponsors without the boy. See how well that goes."

"Go get bent, Haymitch. It's what you're best at." Johanna stands defiantly between the two, until Haymitch storms off with a string of expletives.

Peeta holds out his hand as Effie begins wrapping it. "I'm sorry I shoved you."

He looks surprised at the apology, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it." The air is thick with animosity, and Effie tries to brighten the mood with a smile.

"Who's hungry?"

...

That night, Johanna leans on the edge of the roof of the center, looking down at the crowds of revelers. With a sneer she spits, but the liquid gets zapped before it can go more than about six feet. The roof is unlit, but the bright lights below mean Johanna can make her hands out in front of her face, barely. "Mentors need sleep too."

Johanna starts, but doesn't turn around. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, looking back out onto the night sky. Katniss walks toward her, gazing up at the moon. "You can barely see the stars here." She returns her gaze back to Johanna, who's clad in only a tight black tank top and a pair of loose-fitting grey sweatpants. The outlines of her toned back muscles can be seen clearly through her shirt. She wasn't this fit for her Games, as far as Katniss could remember. But now, sheesh. You could cut glass on her breastplate alone.

"The lights are to blame," Johanna explains, turning around just as Katniss approached the edge of the roof. "Enjoying your last night as a free woman?"

"Free?" Katniss laughs, mimicking Johanna's pose on the edge of the roof. "Last night before I'm hunted down."

"Which, unfortunately, doesn't end even after the last cannon goes off." Johanna's admission makes Katniss look at her, but she doesn't look away from the crowd below them. "You never stop being a part of this big game."

"That'll help me sleep, thanks," Katniss offers sarcastically, breaking Johanna from her melancholy. Johanna grins, taking in Katniss' appearance. She looks so innocent and young in her giant pajamas. So ..easily corruptible, she thinks with a bite of her lower lip.

"I told you that you probably weren't going to sleep much. Especially not tonight, before you go to the arena." Johanna's voice tinges with real sadness, and Katniss narrows her eyes to really scrutinize her Mentor's appearance. Is she sad that Katniss will probably die tomorrow? Maybe, but she doesn't let it show. "I'm glad I don't have to see you off in the stockyard. I don't think I could do it."

"That's probably the nicest thing you've said to me the whole time I've been here." They exchange a smile. "Other than the time you called me pretty."

Johanna blushes, but luckily the darkened roof hides it. "I'll be singing your name from the rooftop in a day or so. That's my lovely job. And with a good bit of luck, maybe yours soon."

Katniss lets out a sigh, turning around. "I guess I'll try to sleep. Any last bit of advice?"

Johanna snorts. "Run. Get water. Find a bow. Stay alive." Katniss starts toward the door, her figure disappearing into the darkness. "Hey Katniss?" The figure stops moving. "I'm not allowed to bet. But I'd bet on you."

* * *

"Idiot!" Johanna yells at the television, startling Haymitch and Effie. They watch from the crowd at the party as one of the Tributes lights a fire near where Katniss has cleverly hidden herself in some trees. "Stupid girl."

"Relax, your girlfriend will be fine." Johanna shoots Haymitch a glare, that if followed by fire, would have incinerated him on the spot. "I can't believe Peeta managed to fool the Careers."

"They're just as stupid as that girl," Johanna replies derisively, groaning. "They'll kill him soon enough." They watch as Katniss lives to see another sunrise, but it's obvious she's dying from thirst. "It's right there, Katniss." Johanna watches helplessly as Katniss lays down next to the mud. "You brainless idiot! The water is right there!" Johanna is near hysterical at this point, shouting and attracted unwanted attention. Effie looks worriedly toward Haymitch. Johanna was always adept at flirting with older men and getting the Tributes sponsors, but she was never so rapt at the actual Games. It does not go unnoticed.

Finally she, and the crowd, breathe a sigh of relief as Katniss finds the water. But the next day, the relief doesn't last. Johanna watches in horror as the high wall of flames descends on the arena. She watches little Rue flit from tree to tree to escape it. Thresh cutting through weeds to get back to safety. Even the Career pack, with Peeta in tow, have to run to flee the flames, getting bumped and bruised in the process.

Katniss falls. The camera is on her. Johanna grabs Haymitch's hand absent-mindedly, and he's just as surprised by the contact as she is. "We have to get her salve. She's badly burned." Haymitch isn't looking at her and Johanna grabs his face and forces it to look at the television. "Look at her! She's going to die from that burn!"

"Calm down, Johanna. She's not going to die. She's resourceful." As if on cue we watch as Rue shows Katniss the nest, and the tired girl begins sawing it.

Without another word, Johanna sidles up to a particularly round, mustachioed man and begins chatting up Katniss as best she can. If Johanna can do one thing remarkably well, it's lie. And with that, flirt. With a few minutes, the man is signing away a check so Johanna can get Katniss some balm. The order goes immediately through, and while Katniss saws away at the tracker-jacker nest, a parachute flies into the arena, unnoticed.

"Get it, Katniss. Get the salve." The mustachioed man tries to talk to Johanna but she waves her hand. "Get out of my face." Without turning to see his reaction Johanna stalks off toward another screen. Finally, Katniss sees the parachute. She opens it. Johanna smiles as Katniss looks straight into the camera and mouths 'thank you.' "You're welcome."

...

"She's taken with the dark-haired one," Effie comments over breakfast, watching as Katniss warns Rue of the impending tracker-jacker fiasco. Johanna nods, drinking her coffee without tearing her eyes from the screen. "I wasn't talking about Katniss," Effie whispers to Haymitch, who nods his head.

"She's going to need medicine for those stings," Johanna says, her voice distant. It was still early, too early for her to be going to a screening party and getting Katniss sponsors. No one in the Capitol was even awake yet. "The bow, Katniss," Johanna hisses. As if by some psychic connection, Katniss begins woozily back toward the dead Tribute with the bow.

"There's medicine everywhere," Haymitch reminds her. "The cure is growing all around. Katniss just hasn't looked for it yet."

"Probably because she's tripping balls off that venom."

...

After a few hours, the trio attend various parties around the Capitol. From what Haymitch tells Johanna, they want to see more of Peeta and Katniss together. Rue appears out of nowhere and treats Katniss' wounds, which garners a lot of sympathy from the Capitol, but no sponsors. Mostly, they want to see the two lovers see each other again. They want Peeta to reveal why he was allied with the Careers. They want to see a kiss. It's all Johanna can do to keep from puking.

"Why is she wasting her time?" Effie leans and asks Haymitch. He shrugs. "That little girl isn't going to be much help with that brute from One appears."

"She's a survivor," Johanna hisses at them, clenching her teeth. "Even I can see that."

"So you would've taken on this little thing as an ally?"

"I have no allies." Haymitch rolls his eyes. "But I'm not the bleeding heart Katniss is."

"True, she is more likable than you."

"Why doesn't she align with the quick girl from Five?" Effie asks, more to herself than anyone else.

"She doesn't trust her," Johanna replies.

Haymitch laughs. "She's too much like Johanna."

Johanna whips her head around. "Katniss?"

"No, the little one from Five." Johanna grumbles unhappily at the comparison. He's not entirely wrong, obviously. They are similar in their approach to the Games; they even look a little bit alike. And Katniss doesn't trust her. For some reason, Johanna begins to interpret that a little closer. She probably doesn't really trust Johanna, either. She probably thinks Johanna's only helping because it's her job. Which is partly true, but the other part is because Johanna is so drawn to Katniss. She really wants to see her live.

...

The next chain of events seem like they happen in slow motion. Katniss blows up the arena. The Careers go mad and kill the boy from Three. Katniss is bleeding. She finds Rue, tangled in the net. The boy spears Rue. Katniss shoots him.

Johanna watches as Katniss holds Rue, crying as she sings her a song. The camera hasn't cut away from her yet, even though this kind of camaraderie is frowned upon. Effie begins weeping, burying her face in Haymitch's arm. But Johanna can't feel the sadness. She feels angry. Angry that this young girl had to die. Angry that Katniss has to endure this sadness. Angry that the Games even happen.

"Are you fucking happy now?" Johanna asks, to no on in particular. Without thinking, she picks up a large vase and tosses it clear across the room. "Are you fucking happy?" The Capitol residents are offended, but either too scared or too drunk to respond. Haymitch puts his hand on Johanna's shoulder but she shrugs him off. As she watches the screen, she can see the resolve on Katniss' tear-stained face. That's right, Johanna thinks. Get angry. Kill them all. Make them pay.

* * *

When Claudius Templesmith announces the rule change, Johanna throws another tantrum. Luckily this time it was inside the comfort of her room. But it startles the Avoxes, who look in abject horror as Johanna smashes plates around the room. Peeta and Katniss have such an easy repartee that it makes Johanna, well, jealous. How absurd, to be jealous of these two near-dying teenagers, Johanna reminds herself. But she can't help it. She almost wishes she was in that arena helping Katniss.

Disgruntled, she appears at another screening party where Haymitch and Effie are chatting up a peculiarly-dressed couple from the Capitol. Johanna's attention goes to the screen, where Katniss and Peeta have taken up residence in a cave. She tunes her attention to their conversation.

...

"Did you get anything so far?" Katniss asks as she cleans Peeta's pants on the rock.

"Nope." Katniss looks away as Peeta narrows his eyes. "You did. I can tell."

"Burn medicine," Katniss admits guiltily. "And some bread."

Peeta scoffs, but it dissolves into a laugh before Katniss can be perturbed. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

Katniss raises her eyebrow, finally offended. "Why is that?" she asks haughtily. She didn't like the implication that received special treatment. Peeta had done it once at the Capitol, too. She fought to survive her whole life.

"Because Johanna wouldn't let _you _die." Off Katniss' stone-face, Peeta again laughs in spite of the pain reverberating in his leg. "Come on, like you didn't notice? She completely favored you."

Katniss blushes, feeling immediately stupid for allowing herself to get embarrassed in this life or death situation. But she was only human. "That's not true."

"Oh please, it's totally true. My only hope was Haymitch, which unless he changed the rules and got you to help me, hasn't done much. But you know Johanna is the one that got you sponsors." Katniss shakes her head, unable to wrap her mind around the thought. Of course Johanna had been forthright about rooting for her, but Katniss had chalked that up to sympathy because she was going to die. "You have no idea what you do to people."

"What?"

"The effect you can have." They let the silence drop between them, as Katniss tries to cover their cave hideout with pine needles and mud. It is pretty half-assed, but it will do. "Look, if I don't make it..."

"No," Katniss insists, shaking her head. "I don't want to hear it."

"But if I don't."

"No," she insists, more sternly.

"But I -" Katniss cuts him off, pressing her lips against his. They feel unnaturally hot. A brief flare rises in her stomach, but she fights it down. "Okay," he whispers, relenting for now.

...

Johanna purses her lips, unable to tear her eyes away from the screen. _Me and everyone else in here_, she thinks sourly. Katniss has really begun to take care of Peeta. Like, truly, deeply care for him. She even kissed him. Katniss exuded such a purity, Johanna hadn't even thought the young girl could. But there she was, possibly hours away from death, kissing her lover boy like they were on a date.

The next day or so is agonizing for Johanna, though she won't admit to herself, and definitely not to anyone else. Katniss nearly loses her life for Peeta's life-saving ointment. The feast Haymitch awards them for their little love story makes her even angrier. ("I know you don't want to see it, Jo, but it's keeping her alive.") The fight at the Cornucopia (where Johanna begrudgingly admits that she and Foxface are a bit similar, with her hiding _inside _the damn Cornucopia. But Johanna won her Games. Foxface died). And finally, the act of defiance after Cato is brutally murdered.

"Snow is going to kill them," Johanna whispers under her breath as Effie gasps. She looks to Haymitch, eyes wild. "Haymitch, he's going to kill them."

"Calm down, sweetheart," Haymitch patronizes. "He can't do anything to her. Not for a while." He leaves out Peeta, knowing fully well that Johanna doesn't care for Peeta.

"Her family."

Haymitch shakes his head. "You saw the interviews. People love Prim. Hell, they even like her mother. No, they can't touch Katniss and Peeta. Not anymore." He looks around to Effie, raising a glass. "Looks like we got two Victors!" He yells loud enough to attract attention at the party, and everyone erupts in applause. Everyone but Johanna.

* * *

All of Johanna's mean thoughts disappear when Katniss comes running through the door. Fixed up by the Capitol, she rushes into the room, and launches herself at Johanna. Johanna stumbles back a few steps, then returns the fierce hug. Effie averts her gaze, while Haymitch smiles broadly. Katniss doesn't relent, and Johanna feels herself smiling into Katniss' hair. She feels so skinny. Even skinnier than she was when she went in there. "Good job, brainless." Katniss' arms are wrapped around her waist so tightly if she had eaten, she might've puked. Johanna runs her fingers through Katniss' hair, giving her a small kiss on the top of her head.

Katniss pulls away, wiping her tears with the palm of her hand. There's a flush on her cheeks from embarrassment at her overly affectionate embrace, but the delirium from being alive and outside the arena makes her feel less so. "I never thought I'd be so excited to hear you call me that." Johanna smiles warmly. She takes a paranoid look around. "Where's Peeta?"

Johanna's smile fades slightly. "Still getting patched up. But safe." She clears her throat. "You can go see him, if you want. I'm sure they're not going to deny you entrance."

Katniss' face lights up. "Really? Okay. Thanks." She gives Johanna's hand a squeeze before walking toward a welcoming Avox. Even Effie gives Johanna a sympathetic look as she follows Katniss out the door. Haymitch throws his arm around Johanna's shoulder, handing her a flask.

"What did you think was gonna happen, sweetheart?"

Johanna takes a long pull on the flask, handing it back to him. "I didn't think anything was going to happen. I'm just glad she's alive."

"And the boy?"

"I'm happy for The Boy, too," Johanna grumbles, snatching the flask again and finishing the liquor off. "I'm _so _fucking happy for him. He gets the Victory, he gets the girl, he gets a brand new leg. Goodie-goodie-fucking-gumdrops."

Haymitch chuckles to himself, grasping a bottle of wine from the table as she struts off back toward his room. "Not like Johanna Mason to just give up this early in the game." He continues muttering to himself as he nears his room. He turns around, leaning his back against his door. He raises the bottle toward Johanna with a grin. "No, sir, not like her at all."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for the positive responses! Straying from canon is fun. :) This is wicked fun to write so I hope to have another chapter up in the next coming days. Chapter title courtesy of W.B. Yeats "Never Give All The Heart." A fantastic poem. If you haven't read Yeats, I mean, go do so now. Like right this instance. You won't regret it.**


	3. Like We're Always In The Dark

_Oh, I don't see a reason why we can't just be apart / We're falling on each other like we're always in the dark._

* * *

Katniss requests that Johanna accompany her to the prep area before she goes back on stage with Caesar. The dark-haired girl watches from a nearby chair as the prep team 'oohs' and 'ahhs' over Katniss' body. Johanna can't help but agree - she's far too skinny, but all her scars from the arena are gone. Her hair is loose, in girly ringlets that cascade down her shoulders. She's not the girl on fire anymore, but rather, the girl who looks like she's constantly being followed by twenty candles. It's breathtaking, really. As Cinna pulls the bodice of the dress over her head, Katniss cups her breasts and frowns.

"I know," Cinna says calmly. "They wanted to alter you surgically while you were out." Cinna grins as Johanna ducks her gaze. "But _somebody_ had a hissy fit and at least two doctors have black eyes. This was the compromise."

Katniss can't help but grin, and Johanna feels herself smiling back. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

Portia spins Katniss around so she can finally see herself in the mirror. She looks...young. The make-up and outfit look like they've shaved at least two years off of her life. Cinna, ever sensitive to nonverbal cues, ushers the prep team out the door. "We'll see you by the elevator."

Johanna stands from her chair, circling Katniss slowly. She eyes the young girl, even reaching out a hand to twirl the curls of her brown hair. "I thought I'd be in something ...more sophisticated."

Johanna bites the inside of her cheek, giving Katniss a nod. "I think that ...Peeta will like this better." Katniss' eyes narrow in confusion. Since when did Johanna, or Cinna for that matter, care what Peeta would like? Because of the routine? They had to know that it was all part of the Game. Cinna was there. Johanna certainly was there. Was her performance in the arena really that good? "Don't think too much into it, kid."

Johanna escorts Katniss to the elevator, which takes she and the prep team to the stage. As Cinna and the team change into their outfits, Johanna turns to Katniss. The dimly lit room smells of fresh sawdust and metal. Johanna's gaze is anywhere but Katniss and the young girl can't help but notice she's being ignored. "What's wrong?"

Without warning Johanna gives Katniss a hug, pulling the young girl close against her body. Katniss can't help the gasp of her breath, or the warmth that spreads in her body was Johanna holds her tightly. "Listen. You are in trouble. The Capitol does not like to look foolish. Now laugh like I've said something funny." On cue, Katniss lets out a stream of girly giggles. But in her belly, the combination of dread from Johanna's words and a weird fluttering because of the hot breath of Johanna's lips against her ear, means she's feeling more nervous than entertained. "They don't want to be a big fucking joke. So you need to act like you're in love with Peeta. The only explanation for what you did, is because you were head over heels."

As she pulls away, Johanna runs her fingers along Katniss' pearl necklace, tracing her fingers along the smooth balls, barely touching Katniss' collarbone. It's enough to unnerve Katniss, and she looks up at Johanna with hooded eyes. "Is that it? Does Peeta know?"

Johanna snorts and drops her hand, looking over to the wooden wall to their left. "He doesn't need to. He's already there, brainless." She leans forward, pressing her lips against Katniss' forehead. With the pad of her thumb she wipes away the crimson lipstick. "Now try and enjoy yourself. This is your big night."

...

Katniss hears the introductions booming through the Capitol, and she can't help but the wide smile on her face as Johanna and Haymitch get nearly five full minutes of thunderous applause. She can imagine Johanna - beaming her cocky grin, her eyes darkened to the point where you can barely tell when she's looking at you, but you can feel the heat of her gaze. Her hair swept back into a ponytail, curled down her back. Her ridiculously fit body in a dangerously short, tightly fitted navy blue dress that cuts a sharp 'v' and exposes her taut abdomen. She's matching the smart navy suit Haymitch is in, but she looks phenomenal.

Lost in thought, the plate underneath her finally rises and brings her out in stage. Peeta is there, looking radiant. Healthier than he was going into the arena. He smiles broadly at her and she smiles back. They embrace, and then kiss, and the crowd goes wild. Caesar tries to intervene but Peeta shoves him away, pulling Katniss into another kiss. Finally Johanna good-naturedly (or as good-natured as she can, because she's uses more force than Katniss believes is necessary), pulls them apart and directs them to the sofa.

Johanna watches from the side of the stage as they relive the 74th Hunger Games. Her thoughts flash to her own Games - watching all the Tributes slaughter each other, then with a poker face, watching herself hatchet at least three or four kids to death with a self-made tomahawk. All that blood. All that screaming. She had wanted to win so badly, wanted to live so much. How wonderful her life was going to be, now that she was a Victor. And for a time, it was. Lavish parties, more liquor and sex than she could even remember, until President Snow brought she and Finnick into his personal office within his mansion. Finnick had warned her about Snow at the Victory Banquet, explaining in vague terms and euphemisms that he was the Capitol sex slave. How he was bought and sold throughout the Capitol, at Snow's whim. How the only reason he agreed was because of Annie. How even though he was compliant, he always carried the suspicion Annie's selection in the Games before Johanna's had been completely orchestrated. How he had heard one of the women he slept with saying how much Johanna was going to cost. Especially because of the rumor she wouldn't discriminate genders. How high the price tag would be for someone so _open_.

When President Snow himself had cornered Johanna, just barely sixteen, and told her of the plan, she rebuffed him. What was he going to do? Johanna didn't have an Annie back home; she had nobody, really. Other than her family. And despite Haymitch's insistence that they were not going to harm them, they did. When Johanna returned to Four to stay with Finnick for a few months, she got word via courier that her parents were both executed for treason against the Capitol. For making weapons. The very weapons Johanna herself had forged before she left, the ones she had hidden just in case her family needed protection. Executed at the sun's rise, bodies dumped into a mass grave somewhere in the bowels of Twelve. After that, she only returned for the Games. And only because she was forced.

The sound of her own voice brings her from this painful reverie. Just after Katniss' win, Johanna had practically stormed into Seneca Crane's office and demanded an audience with him. Once granted, she explained that she would like to do one last interview about Katniss and Peeta. He agreed, especially since his life and job were on the line because of the berries.

_"How in love are they? Well, let me tell you. The night before the Games were to begin, I was out on the roof. Katniss came up, tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong? She should be sleeping. And she told me how devastated she was that this would be the last night she'd ever see Peeta. Her body shook as she thought of how she'd never see the light in his eyes, hear his laughter, feel the weight of his body in an embrace." _The audience is eating this up. Katniss and Peeta have enough mind to stare at the screen, eyes wide with love and adoration. Peeta plants another kiss on her. Haymitch's mouth is agape until he remembers himself and closes it. _"She adores him. She plays a good game, trying to distance herself in the unfortunate case that she had to kill him. But she told me, even that night on the roof, that she would rather put the knife through her own heart than lay on a finger on Peeta. I have never seen such devotion before. The rest of us could only be so lucky as to experience half of what they have."_

The audience is weeping openly, only the team closest to Twelve are not in tears. President Snow makes his entrance, presenting the Victors with their crowns. Johanna can feel her temperature rise, and her fingers grip the sides of her seat. Haymitch lays his hand on hers, curling his fingers between Johanna's own. He brings her hand to his lips, kissing it gently. They share a look. A sympathetic, but painful stare that Johanna tries to mask with a smile.

* * *

The banquet is larger than usual, with more people than normal wanting to get a picture of Katniss and Peeta. The other Victors are there from all over the Districts. Johanna quickly finds Finnick, and the two of them take off toward a rather secluded garden. The stone bench is surrounded partially by sweet-smelling white rose bushes. Unnaturally sweet-smelling, but pleasant enough. The expanse of green yard in front of them reminds Johanna of the forbidden woods behind the Seam. She mused on how vibrant and lush everything was there when spring was in the air.

"So that was quite a speech you gave," Finnick starts knowingly, tossing a decadent chocolate-covered strawberry in his mouth. He really did have a weakness for sweets. Spent too much time in the Capitol.

Johanna rolled her eyes. They were secluded enough where she felt safe speaking honestly. "It's the only thing keeping them alive at the moment."

Finnick nods gravely. "From what I've gathered from around the Capitol, people are pissed. Seneca Crane was murdered." Johanna's eyes go wide. She remembers the last time she saw him, how grateful he seemed to her for the help. If that didn't work to save him, would it work to save Katniss? "I hope Katniss can keep it up. Because I gotta tell you, anyone with half a brain can tell she's not into that guy."

Johanna chuckles softly, shaking her head. "That's a shame."

The sarcastic tone surprises Finnick, who narrows his eyes at his friend. Johanna is always very open, very frank. She doesn't mince or waste words. The only time she lies is to get something from someone. And she never lies to Finnick. Suddenly his sea-foam green eyes go wide with recognition. "You care for her, don't you?" Johanna doesn't respond. She plucks a flower from a nearby bush, carefully tearing the leaves from the stem and tossing them angrily on the floor. "Oh, Jo, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know!" Johanna responds loudly, attracting the attention of someone nearby. It's Enobaria, the dark-skinned and gorgeous Victor from Two. She smiles a deadly grin at Johanna who scowls at her. "Fuck off, Enobaria."

"Whatever you say, Johanna." If anyone was more overtly sexual than Johanna, it was Enobaria. She and Johanna had briefly shared a weird, violent fling a year or so after Johanna's victory. Johanna shuddered to think about it.

Once she was out of sight Johanna returned her attention to Finnick. "I don't know. I guess I'll just get over it. This is new territory for me."

Finnick snickers softly, taking Johanna's hand in his. He leads her onto the dance floor, where the sight of two attractive Victors dancing becomes the thing to see. He leans in close to her ear, spinning her effortlessly around the floor. "You cannot, will not, and could not possibly ignore the heart beat of love, Johanna." Johanna rolls her eyes at Finnick's poetry. "It's as constant as the waves on the shore. It will not leave. No matter if you choose to ignore it, it will swallow you whole."

"I'm sure the ladies in the Capitol love your poetry," Johanna replies sarcastically, and Finnick spins her abruptly, making her dizzy. He yanks them together again and she glares at him. "Asshole."

Finnicks smirks, keeping his lips near her ear. "I'm just saying. It's useless to try and fight it. Love is not something you can take an ax to. It's inside you now. You can't fight it. Only share it. Lessen the burden."

"You can't possibly be suggesting I tell a girl who's very life depends on her love of someone else that I may or may not be ..._interested _in her."

"I'm suggesting you don't really have a choice. Sooner or later, the truth will come out. It always does." The orchestra goes quiet and Finnick pulls away, bowing formally. "Who's next?" he announces, and about thirty women begin shoving each other. Johanna backs away from the floor, giving an eye roll to the women practically tearing each other's throats out to dance with Finnick.

Suddenly her arm is grabbed, and she's yanked backwards through a bush. Her back hits a flat, cold slab of cement. The lights of the party disappear to the sound of stone on stone crunching. "What the fuck?"

"It's just me," Katniss whispers. "I think this is a mausoleum."

"Great."

"It was the only place I thought we couldn't be heard. Or watched." Johanna can't see Katniss in the absolute darkness. She can only feel the heat of another person, and hear the young girl's voice. "Thank you. For your speech."

Johanna scoffed. "Don't thank me. You need it. I told you the Games never end. For you, this is going to be doubly true."

"I don't love him" Katniss offers softly. "It's hard." Johanna crosses her arms, snorting impatiently. "I can't even see you and I know you're glaring at me."

Johanna sighs, running her fingers through her hair. Or, she tries, only to be reminded her hair is still up. "Then pretend he is someone you love. Look, I'm sure you have someone in your life that you feel that way about. Not like how you feel about Prim. Someone who makes your heart race. Someone who want so badly that it makes your stomach twist like a rope."

There was a pause. An unbearable silence. "Are you coming back to Twelve with us? Or are you going back to Four? With Finnick?" The way she says it, the edge in her voice, Johanna's eyebrow raises. She spits out Finnick's name like it tastes bad.

"I haven't really thought about it," Johanna answers honestly. "I mean, I guess I will? It will probably look better for the cameras if I go back to Twelve with you guys."

"Right. For the cameras."

Johanna stiffens. "It doesn't feel like home anymore. There's nobody there to go home to. I don't have a mother like you. Or a sister."

"You have me," Katniss says softly. "I know it's not much but...I'd feel better if you stayed. At least until the Tour."

Johanna wants to be angry. She wants to be mad that this girl has such an overwhelming effect on her. She wants to be mad that Katniss is emotionally blackmailing her into staying in the last place she ever saw her parents. She last place she was ever, even for a moment, truly happy and safe. But she isn't. Instead, she feels giddily wanted. Love is weird. "Okay."

Johanna can't see Katniss, she can't see anything, but she can feel Katniss' mood lift. "Wow, really? I definitely thought you'd say no."

"Well, you locked me in a grave with you. I'm having a hard time saying no. We're probably running out of oxygen in there."

"Thank you," Katniss breathes, in a voice barely above a whisper. Johanna can hear the scraping noise and Katniss takes a step forward. They're a lot closer than Johanna thought, as now she can almost feel the fabric of Katniss' dress against the open part of the front of her own. A hand snakes around her neck, trembling. Her face gets pulled down and after a brief moment of finding the right location, their lips meet. The kiss is solid, but chaste. Enough to make Johanna's heart beat out a staccato rhythm she's never heard before. Katniss' tongue barely darts out to just touch Johanna's lips, tasting the cinnamon flavor of her lipstick. She pulls away, closing her mouth to breath through her nose. Got to control the panting. An old hunting trick, now used to disguise how thoroughly aroused she was just at a small kiss. "So that's what it feels like."

"What?" Johanna asks in a choked whisper. What the FUCK just happened?

"To feel what you want me to pretend for Peeta. Now I know. I needed a point of reference." She pushes the door of the mausoleum open, letting in the strong lights of the party. With a quick look back, she can finally see how utterly ruined Johanna looks. Her lipstick smudged, her face flush, her painted lips open in an undisguised pant. It's fantastic, and Katniss finds herself wanting to know how Johanna would look if they did more than kiss.

But rather than dwell on that confusing thought, she exits through the bushes and reappears at Peeta's side. He looks surprised, then happy to see her and slips his arm around her waist. Johanna appears a few moments later, rubbing at a smudge of lipstick on her face. Peeta catches this moment of disorientation, looking from Johanna to Katniss. Then he sees it. The thin, almost opaque layer of crimson stain on Katniss' otherwise light pink lips.

* * *

**A/N: Chapter title taken from the gorgeous Ellie Goulding's song "This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)." Thanks to all who have reviewed and favorited/followed so far! Sorry this chapter is so short. Packing up to head home for a long weekend/week away from school. I shall update more frequently! I hope?**


	4. You Sailed Away Into A Grey Sky Morning

_So you stole my world / now I'm just a phony / remembering the girl / leaves me down and lonely_

* * *

The sound startles Johanna from her sleep immediately. She starts upright, her hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheets at her side. Was that her scream? No, her throat isn't hoarse. After a few disorienting moments, she places the scream from the next compartment over. Katniss. Throwing on a sweatshirt, she tugs on a pair of pants. Her leg gets caught in one of the pant legs and she crashes against her door. "Ow, fuck me." She jumps up, pulling her pants on and quickly buttoning them.

She throws open her door and crosses the short distance between her room and Katniss'. When she reaches the door, she sees Peeta is already there, and their hands go for the doorknob in tandem. "What are you doing?" Johanna asks gruffly, trying to shake the sleep from her voice.

Peeta raises a pale eyebrow. "I'm going to check on Katniss. What are _you _doing?"

It's a loaded question, Johanna can feel it. Her eyes narrow. Is she that transparent? Did Katniss say something? Or is this boy really that intuitive? If so, Johanna is impressed, but pissed off. "Look," Johanna whispers fiercely. "The nightmares happen. They're going to continue to happen. I'm very familiar with the concept of waking up and screaming. It comes with being a Victor. I think I can help."

Peeta isn't offended, but his normally warm blue eyes harden. "I think you've helped enough. You got us out alive. Thanks for that, by the way. I never got to thank you."

"You're welcome," Johanna answers back angrily. He's not thanking her. They both know she didn't give a fuck whether he lived or died. Not that she didn't like him. That was the point. She did like him. He was nice. He was charming and loyal. He was devoted to Katniss. All very admirable qualities that Johanna liked. Especially since Katniss didn't exactly return the affection. In that sense, they were probably more alike than he thought. But his presence was the very reason she could never ...do whatever it was she thought she wanted to do with Katniss. He had a hold over her that Johanna knew she couldn't touch. And when Johanna can't do something she wants, she gets angry.

"Johanna?" the small voice comes from within the room, and both of them turn their head to the door. "You can come in."

Unable to hide her smug grin Johanna twists the knob. "Good night, Peeta," she whispers softly, disappearing into the darkened room. It's only a few seconds before she hears his door slam.

Katniss is sitting up in her bed, her hair stuck to her sweat-slicked face. "Why were you whispering outside my door?"

"Your big scream woke the whole train, kid," Johanna replies, crossing to Katniss' bed. She rummages through the end table next to the bed, finding a books of matches. She strikes it, illuminating her face with the small, orange flame. Katniss watches as she lights the candle next to her bed, shaking out the match. Johanna looks amazing, even half-asleep and mussed, with her face alight with fire.

"Sorry," Katniss mumbles, laying back down onto her pillow. Her brain is awake now, the fresh memory of her nightmare replaying behind her eyes. Prim in the arena. Prim getting an arrow through the throat. Rue getting the spear in her side.

Johanna sits on the floor next to the bed, laying her back against the thick mattress. Her own nightmares are less frequent now. It soothed her to be in bed with someone else, which is why she took the company of so many people in the years after her victory. Lonely nights were the worst. Oftentimes Finnick would even crawl into bed with her and spoon her until she fell asleep. Annie wasn't ever jealous - she wasn't prone to it, and she also took solace in Johanna's arms when Finnick was away. Not in a sexual sense, but they slept in the same bed to ward off the inevitable nightmares when he was away. There weren't a lot of Victors left in the country - maybe around 40? But she knew they all shared the same problem - the nightmares brought on by the arena. Except maybe the Careers. But even tough-as-nails Enobaria, with her ridiculous pointed teeth and abrasive personality, had whimpered and sometimes cried in her sleep, calling out names Johanna didn't recognize. So no one was immune. The only people who were safe were the losers.

Katniss rolled over, pulling the blanket up to her chin. "When I was little, my dad used to let me use the forge that he had built behind our house." Katniss closes her eyes, allowing Johanna's low voice to fill her ears. Unsure of why the older girl was telling her a story, she stays silent, allowing her continue. Something about Johanna's normally caustic personality made Katniss think she didn't share much. "I loved how it looked. The fire. The smell of the metal as it melted beneath the heat. He'd let me strike the irons, too, when I got strong enough to lift the hammer. He loved to talk about the chemical compounds of metal. The tiny little atoms that all bonded together to make this amazing, strong material. But I was always more fascinated by the fire. How something so simple - just a few elementals - of air, gas, water...and a spark - can be so deceptively dangerous." Johanna began to wistfully remember those hot days with her father near the forge. The smell of him - he always smelled of firewood and metal - reminding her of her lost innocence. She hadn't touched a forge since his death. She missed the feeling of working with the metal, but even just the smell of metalworking made her nostalgic and sad.

"I think that's part of the reason he always encouraged me to be ...a little rebellious. Because he knew that something as simple as fire could bring down anything. Nothing is untouchable. No matter how small you are, if you've got that spark, you can light up everything." Katniss' breathing had become steady again, and Johanna realized she was talking to herself. She peered behind her and saw the rhythmic rise and fall of the young Victor's chest. Johanna stretched to her feet, snuffing out the candle with her forefinger and thumb. The sulfur smell filled the air, as the dark girl stared down at Katniss' sleeping form. "Good night, girl on fire," she whispers, turning silently toward the door.

As she reaches the door handle, she hears a small noise. "Wait," Katniss calls, her voice small and croaking with sleep. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

Johanna's entire body stiffens. Stay with her? In her bed? This was all sorts of a bad idea. Johanna knew she wouldn't get any sleep. But Katniss could probably ask her to murder the entire train car and she would. Stupid fucking emotions. Stupid heart and its stupid ideas. "Yeah." Johanna padded back across the room, lifting the heavy blanket and sliding herself underneath it.

It was so warm in there. The blanket, plus Katniss' body heat, made it stifling. This is why she slept nude. She nestled into the other pillow, sliding one arm beneath her head. The other arm lay over the blanket on her side. Katniss' arm came out of the sheet, patting behind her until she felt the skin of Johanna's arm. She laced their fingers together, then pulled Johanna's arm around her waist. "Better," Katniss mumbles into her pillow, letting out a sigh.

_This girl is going to be the death of me_, Johanna thinks to herself as her body presses against Katniss' back. But what a sweet death it would be.

* * *

Nobody woke them that morning for breakfast. Johanna vaguely thought she heard the door open, but it closed rather quickly and the footsteps retreated without a word. When Johanna was awake enough, she realized she was practically on top of Katniss. Her leg had snaked in between Katniss', her pant leg rolled up by her knee, her foot tucked under Katniss' calf. Katniss was on her back with Johanna's face was nuzzled into her neck. Her arm was still wrapped tightly around the younger girl's waist, her hand beneath Katniss' sleep shirt, touching the soft skin near her spine.

Katniss had woken up hours earlier. She hadn't moved an inch. The feeling of Johanna's body pressed against her own had made her feel all at once on fire and at ease. The older woman's breath hit her neck, sending shivers down her spine with each exhale. She felt excited. She felt safe. She felt protected in a way she hadn't felt since her father died. There was finally someone who could, and would, protect her. She didn't have to be on edge. It almost made her forget how much President Snow must hate her. _Almost_.

Katniss felt Johanna's eyelashes flutter against her skin and she peered down her nose at the dark-haired girl. Her hair was a mess, tousled and splayed on the pillow and over Katniss' chest. She looked adorably young. "Morning," Katniss greeted in a whisper. She wondered what it would be like to wake up to this every morning, when she wasn't on a fast-moving train. When she was in her own home, sunlight streaming through the windows and bouncing off Johanna's dark hair. How her eyes would look like burning amber in the deeply orange rising sun.

Johanna looked up into Katniss' eyes, immediately recoiling herself to her side of the bed. "Morning." She wiped saliva from her mouth, giving Katniss' shirt a quick peek to make sure she hadn't drooled on her. "Sorry for...being...on you."

Katniss chuckled softly. "It's okay. I didn't not like it." Johanna looked quizzically toward her, confused by the double negative. Had she really meant that? "I felt safe." Johanna's confused expression softened, but she was still wary. She wasn't used to someone "feeling safe" around her. People usually felt on edge around Johanna, like she might slit their throat at any minute. Which if pissed off enough she might, so the feeling was fair.

"No more nightmares?"

The brunette shook her head. "Nope. Thank you. For ...sleeping with me." Katniss' eyes shot open off Johanna's scandalized look. "Not-not like that. For sleeping in the bed with me."

Johanna laughed her husky laugh, removing herself from the bed. She stretched her arms up to the ceiling, then down to her toes. Katniss took this in, watching the lithe woman's form move. When did she become this attracted to another woman? What about this woman was so magnetizing that Katniss couldn't help but be drawn to her? Johanna looked at her, placing her hands on her hips, a cocky smile on her face. Katniss flushed, realizing she had been caught staring. "See something you like?"

Without waiting for an answer Johanna slinks out of the room, nearly colliding with Haymitch as she walks back to her room. The blonde man startles, but seeing Johanna's blush and scowl he grins. "Go on a little late night walk?"

"Fuck off." Johanna side-steps the older man, opening the door to her room. Before she can close it, Haymitch palms the door and lets himself in. He makes himself comfortable on one of the chairs around the room, much to Johanna's displeasure. "Or, you know, do whatever the fuck you want."

"Thank you, I think I will." He raises his flask to her and takes a sip. Stretching out his foot, he uses his boot to close the door. Johanna strips, pulling out fresh clothes disinterestedly. Her nudeness bothers neither of them, though Haymitch does appreciate the view. "I think we need to talk."

Johanna turns to him, pulling her shirt over her head. "Do you now? And what could you possibly want to talk about with me?"

Haymitch glares at her, taking another pull from his flask. "About the girl." Johanna averts her gaze, fumbling through her dresser for a pair of pants. "I don't want to insult your intelligence, but I'm sure you realize how stupid what you're doing is." The raven-haired girl doesn't respond, she simply rummages through her drawer for some socks. "They can't ever stop acting in love. Your little speech at the Capitol saved their asses for a little while, but once the cameras show back up in a few months, the show goes on."

"I know that," Johanna hisses, pulling on her black working boots. As she ties the shoelaces, she continues to ignore Haymitch's stare on her. She knows all of this. She is keenly aware of how ill-advised it is for her to feel the way she's feeling. But Finnick was right - there is no going back once you've felt it.

"Don't make this harder on the girl than it already is. Or harder on the boy." Johanna cringed, burying her face in her hands. Haymitch let out a sigh from across the room. Johanna deserved to be free to love whomever she wanted, he knew. And Katniss seemed like the perfect personality type. She wouldn't take shit from Johanna. She would protect her, if she needed it. But this was a right place, wrong time scenario. "He knows."

Johanna's head whipped around so fast she almost hurt her neck. "What does he think he knows?"

"Your _indiscretion_ at the banquet. I didn't see you, but he did. But he's a good person, Jo. And he doesn't want anyone to hurt Katniss." Haymitch stood from his chair, letting out a grunt at the effort. Boy, he was out of shape. He walked toward the door, giving Johanna a sidelong stare. "I know you want to protect Katniss. We all do. But the best way for you to do that, is to leave her alone and let him love her."

* * *

Katniss sat unhappily at the lunch table, pushing around her lamb stew with her spoon. The meal was unusually quiet. Johanna was nowhere to be found. They would arrive in Twelve in under an hour to a crowd of well-wishers and Capitol cameras, and Katniss was trying to lift her mood by thinking of how much she wanted to see Prim. The only words spoken between everyone was instruction by Effie on how to handle the bug-like cameras that would swarm them, how to play the homecoming for the Capitol. How Gale had been explained as Katniss' cousin, so that's how they were to speak of him.

Katniss took in all this information solemnly, casting looks toward Johanna's closed door. It wasn't like her to miss a meal. Was she angry that she had woken up with Katniss? Did she resent her for practically forcing her into the bed last night? Peeta's hand on hers broke her from this spell. "You're not going to eat? I thought the lamb stew was your favorite."

Katniss smiled weakly. "It is. I guess I'm just not that hungry."

"Well I'm sure you're not! Such an exciting day!" Effie interjected, out of either pure obliviousness or genuine interest in alleviating the tension building in the room. Either way, it was appreciated. "I'm sure you're both looking forward to seeing your families again. Especially you, Katniss."

Katniss nodded. She was excited to see Prim. Hell, she was even excited to see Greasy Sae. But all of that was tempered by the thought that Johanna was mad at her. And of course...Peeta. The boy with the bread that she felt _something_ for. She didn't know what it was; it didn't fill her stomach with butterflies like Johanna did. It was too confusing for the moment. She knew she needed to get out into the woods, away from him and the cameras, and really think for a while.

...

The train rolls into the station slowly, screeching to a smoky halt outside the Twelve loading deck. Katniss and Peeta exit first, to the roar of the small crowd that has gathered. Peeta takes Katniss' hand in his own, kissing the back of her hand. Katniss smiles as brightly as she can toward the crowd, and as she scans the mass of people she finally sees the familiar golden blonde hair. "Prim!"

She breaks away from Peeta, pushing through the people to get to her sister. Prim leaps into her arms, nearly taking them both down with the ferocity of her hug. Prim's sweet natural smell of lavender fills her nose. That's what home smells like. Tears spring to her eyes as Prim lets her out of the hug and steps aside so her mother can hug her too. She smells clean, like lemons. Gale is there, but they don't hug. He instead gives her a nod, with a small smile on his lips.

When Katniss turns around, Peeta is getting his hair ruffled by his older brother. He lifts up his pant leg to show his parents the new prosthetic they made him. His mother gasps, leaning down to touch the shiny metal. She didn't think he was going to survive, but the look on her face as she admires her boy means she's very glad he did. Even though she's a bitch, Katniss thinks to herself, she's not totally heartless. Haymitch steps off the train to another round of applause, and he smiles good-naturedly at the crowd. We're all exhausted of this revelry; Twelve doesn't get Victors often, and now they've had three in less than five years. Haymitch looks even more haggard than usual, but he's gracious to the people of Twelve.

No sign of Johanna. Even as the crowd thins out, the black-haired girl is nowhere to be found. The train departs the station, zipping quietly back into the dawn. Katniss is basically dragged away from the platform and begins her trek to her new home in the Victor's Village. Had Johanna bailed on her and gone back to Four?

When they arrive at the Village, Katniss breathes a sigh of relief when she sees a light on in Johanna's home. Her own home has lights on, too. Her mother and Prim had moved in several days earlier, right after they won. Peeta's family decided to stay in their home, since it was a nice house and conveniently located above their business. They had, however, gone ahead and moved his things out and into the new home. Peeta waves good-night and walks off toward his house. Katniss can feel the twinge of guilt in her heart. Should she invite him to stay? No, too confusing. They're not in the arena anymore.

...

After night falls on Twelve, and most of the lights go out, Katniss quietly slips out of her home. Her old hunting boots feel tight around her feet - she's even in her old cargo pants and tight fitting black t-shirt - and it all feels strangely alien. Since leaving the Capitol, of course, the t-shirt fits a bit looser. The weight will come back, eventually. Especially now with the access to food and hot water at all times.

She jogs across the small dirt road and comes up at the dark threshold of Johanna's home. Curling her fist in a ball, she pounds it against the large wooden door. After a few beats a light goes on and Katniss can feel her heart quicken. She didn't bail on her. Johanna opens the door, and Katniss is taken aback with how she looks. She looks ...miserable. Small bags have appeared under her eyes, one of which is bloodshot. But her dress is what's most surprising - jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket, like she's going out. As Katniss quickly scans behind her, she sees Johanna's suitcase leaning against a couch in the front room. "Are you going somewhere?"

Johanna looks behind her to the bag, then slowly back to Katniss. "Yes. I'm going back to Four until the Victory Tour." Her voice is stern, more authoritative than she means, but it's for the best. Katniss looks wounded, but Johanna resolves to stand her ground. "Why are you here in the middle of the night?"

Katniss stares at the ground. She wasn't exactly expecting to be rebuffed so quickly. Maybe Johanna is mad at her because of the nightmare thing. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Johanna steps aside, allowing Katniss to walk into her home. The younger girl is struck by how bare it is. The front room isn't cozy and lived in like her home. No pictures, no rugs, no little figurines. The only thing on the wall is a beautiful net, hanging in the corner and shimmering like it was made of gold. Probably a gift from Finnick. Stupid Finnick, Katniss thinks, getting all of Johanna's attention.

Johanna stands at the door after she closes it behind Katniss, plunging her hands into her pockets. She releases one so she can run it through her hair, waiting anxiously. She had tried to avoid Katniss. She was following Haymitch's advice. There was no point in pursuing Katniss; it was a dead end and a deadly one for the girl. "So what did you want to talk ab-"

Katniss whirls around, grabbing Johanna by the lapels of her jacket and pulling them together. Their lips crush, the tenderness of a real first kiss forgotten in a whirlwind of passion and need. Teeth bump together, lips bruising in the effort to get closer, to feel more. The younger girl swipes her tongue along Johanna's bottom lip, sweeping gently into her mouth as Johanna opens it. Katniss uses her hands to pull Johanna's jacket off, tossing it onto the floor. She drags her hands up the sides of Johanna's arms, leaving goosebumps in her wake.

Her hands come to rest on Johanna's shoulders, threading her fingers through the thick black locks of her hair. Johanna can't help herself. Her brain is screaming at her, but her libido won't let her stop. Her arms wrap around Katniss' hips, pressing their bodies together until nary a hair would fit between them. It feels amazing - to give in to the mounting tension between them. As her own tongue massages the younger girl's, she hears Katniss let out an ungodly, sexy moan. Johanna's eyes open only to roll back in pleasure at making her vocalize such a noise.

Finally they pull away, skin flush and lips swollen. Johanna steps backward away from her, rubbing her face with her hands. "You should go." The statement is almost a slap in the face, and Katniss physically recoils.

"Why? Why are you avoiding me? What am I doing that's so terrible that you want to leave?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" Johanna laughs sharply, biting her swollen lower lip. "President Snow is not fucking around. If he finds out that you have _any _disinterest in Peeta, he will have your mother and your sister killed. And for good measure, probably Gale and his family, too." Katniss again looks struck by this information, but her gaze falls to the ground. Johanna's voice softens. "I can't do this with you. It's for your own good."

"Everyone's doing everything for my own good, but when do I get to be happy?"

"You don't know that you'd be happy with me," Johanna shoots back. "You barely know me."

"I know how I feel when I'm with you. I feel like I can be myself. I don't feel that way with anyone else." Johanna doesn't respond, so Katniss continues. "I feel this tingling in my stomach. I feel wanted. I feel what you described - like my heart is getting quicker and my stomach is in ropes." The air between them is stale, with Johanna's eyes trying desperately not to meet Katniss' distraught gaze. "I want to know you better, if you'd let me."

Johanna wants to say she feels the same way. She wants to tell Katniss how much she aches to hold her at night. How quickly she fell so deeply for her. But she can't. Because doing so puts in jeopardy the only thing Johanna has come to care about in years. "I'm going to make this easy for you, okay?" Johanna bends down, picking up her jacket and putting it on. She picks the suitcase up from the ground, holding it firmly in her grasp. "I'm going to leave. When I get back for the Tour, I'm going to say as little as possible. I'm going to stay the fuck away from you because I want you to live. Do you understand?"

"Why do you get to make the choices for me?" Katniss yells, crossing her arms over her chest. The sadness in her eyes is inescapable, but the anger in her voice cuts Johanna like a knife.

"Because you suck at it." Johanna opens her door, letting in the chilly breeze of early fall. She turns to face Katniss, her stomach in knots at the tears in Katniss' eyes. "I don't trust myself around you. So I have to go. I'll see you in a few months."

"I won't give up," Katniss calls to her as she opens the door. Johanna pauses, looking back at the young girl over her shoulder. Her fists are balled at her sides, a resolve of anger and sadness on her face. "I will do whatever I need to do to protect my family, Jo. But I won't give up on this."

"You wouldn't be you if you did." Johanna smiles sadly, closing the door behind her. She has the pride to wait until she's alone on the platform, waiting for the midnight train to arrive at the station, to bury her face in her hands and sob.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the angst... But NOT sorry about the amazing people following and reviewing! Thanks so much! Chapter title taken from the breathtakingly beautiful song "Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)" by Vertical Horizon.**


	5. The Gods Envy Us

_"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal; because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."_

* * *

When Johanna arrives in Four, she's greeted by the overwhelming smell of saltwater. Of all the Districts, Four always looked the nicest, even if it smelled like brine. Centuries of erosion had turned the once fertile land into sand, making most of the District beach front property. Large ships moored near the beaches and Four residents tossed large nets to catch the fish that stupidly swam near the shore. Their houses stood on stilts near the water; cute little bungalows with large draped nets everywhere. There wasn't the atmosphere of oppression like there was in Twelve. There was an air of fun; sometimes there was even music and dancing. Twelve had its share of dances, and someone could always play a fiddle, but the joviality was always tempered by the grim reality of everyday life.

It's already noon, so most of the workers are sitting on the docks, dangling their legs in the water, eating their ration of bread and fish for the day. The Capitol takes care of Four, not like One and Two, but they seem to receive special treatment. The Peacekeepers are not as prevalent, and there's much less poverty than in Twelve or Eleven. It was the best place for Johanna to lick her wounds or escape reality for a while. She'd spent a little bit of her time at the Capitol, sleeping with different men and women of her choosing. Almost flaunting her freedom of choice right in Snow's backyard. But when she got tired of them, or particularly lonely, Annie and Finnick always made her a home in Four. She makes her way toward Odair's home in the Victor's Village, nearly bumping into Annie as she crosses the pebbled yard.

"Johanna!" Annie greets brightly, giving her a smile. As quickly as it appeared, it disappeared. "Finnick is away. He should be back later tonight."

"Well then I guess it's just girls' day, isn't it?" Johanna throws her arm around Annie's shoulder, escorting them both into the house. Unlike Johanna's house, the Odair household was filled with love. Framed photos and projections of videos of the two of them dancing playing on the walls. Annie liked to spend time weaving, and the entire home was covered in fancy knots and baskets. Finnick's trident, the one he won his Games with, was up above the fireplace mantle. It always surprised Johanna that they allowed him to keep it. But he _was_ their special boy.

Annie breaks off into the kitchen, switching on the stove with the tell-tale click of gas heat. "Are you hungry?" she calls to Johanna, who settles herself into the couch.

"Starved, Annie, thanks." Johanna props her feet up on the coffee table, staring into the small aquarium that they had next to their television. Annie had named all the little creatures inside, and Johanna was fond of the one she called "Coal." A Mexican mollie fish that Finnick had scooped from the ocean after getting tangled in a net. It was a little bastard fish that hated all the brightly colored tropical ones that flounced around in the aquarium. Johanna loved it for it's give-no-fucks attitude, and how it responded to you if you dragged your finger along the glass. It would nip at your finger, bouncing its nose against the pane. But it would always follow you anyway, even if it pretended it was going to bite you.

Annie sits down next to her, handing her a bowl of some sort of fish-related stew. "Is it morbid that we eat this in front of all the fish? Do you think they know? Like...this could've been your cousin," Johanna sing-songs to the fishes. She wiggles a spoonful of the stew before putting it in her mouth and swallowing.

"Johanna," Annie warns, eyeing the girl warily. Johanna knew she was on the precipice of pushing Annie over the edge, so she set her lips in a line. "Congratulations, by the way. I didn't watch the Games, but Finnick told me you had two Victors. I can't believe that."

Johanna winced, scooping up another spoonful of the stew. She nodded. "Thanks."

"What's their names?"

"Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. A poor girl from the mines and a baker's son."

"I'm sure everyone in Twelve must be so happy. To have both kids come back unharmed."

"Yeah everyone's thrilled," Johanna replies tonelessly, tilting the bowl back to pour the rest of her soup into her mouth. Annie puckers her lips, canting her head to the side. "I know you're not gonna make a comment about my decorum."

"No, no," Annie replies with a small smile. "You just don't seem very happy. You should be proud of yourself. I thought you'd be a little more excited."

Johanna sighs, taking both of their bowls and retreating into the kitchen. She turns on the faucet, filling the bowls with the water. The water here, even from the faucet, seems to be saltier than normal. She puts both hands on the sink, trying to block out the picture of the brunette pushing into her vision. "I am happy for them. I'm happy for their families. It's just." She turns around, coming face to face with the timid redhead. "It's complicated, is all."

Annie seemed to take her word for it and nodded. Since Annie herself was always fighting to stay grounded, it seemed she had a sixth sense for when other people were not comfortable, emotionally. It's why she took to Johanna - she could feel the pain even before Johanna opened her mouth. "Do you want to learn a new knot Mags taught me?"

Johanna shrugged, deflecting how grateful she was for the change in topic. "Sure."

...

A few hours after dinner Finnick finally returns home. Annie greets him with a hug and a kiss, telling him excitedly how she had taught Johanna an intricate slipknot, and how great the other girl was getting at it. Johanna sat on the couch, her legs tucked underneath her, working at the knot. Her hands were not as deft as Annie's, but she made do. She could probably hang herself with it.

"What a good little pupil," Finnick remarks, smirking at Johanna. He kisses Annie's forehead gently. "Why don't you go get some sleep? I'll tell you all about my trip in the morning, okay?"

He whispers something in her ear and she smiles. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and walks up the stairs, waving to Johanna as she goes. Finnick watches her leave, then sits down on the couch. Johanna tosses the rope on the ground angrily. "Oh my _god_ I fucking hate this knot-tying garbage."

Finnick chuckles, patting Johanna's back. "You put on a good show. Thank you."

"Well, I'm going to be staying here until the Victory Tour, so I kind of owe you one."

Finnick raises his eyebrow, turning his body to face Johanna. "I'm guessing it didn't go so well."

Johanna lets out a laugh, leaning back into the rough fabric of the couch. "Oh it went great. She came over to my house and kissed me like we were dying." Johanna paused, feeling her lips tingle at the memory. "And she told me she 'won't give up' on me." Finnick's eyes widen and he motions for her to continue.

"And?"

"And what? And I left." He sighs and Johanna scoffs. "She's in big trouble, Fin. If she can't convince the other Districts that she loves Peeta, her whole family is gonna be in the ground. Not to mention what's going to happen to the people in the other Districts."

"They're rebelling," Finnick inserts ominously. Johanna's wide-eyed stare confirms what he thought: no one outside the Districts knew. "I heard it in the Capitol. Eleven is having riots, and Eight is not fairing much better. Katniss' entire performance, starting from her friendship with Rue, smacks of rebellion. Nobody is buying that she loves that boy. What they don't know, is it's because she's in love with you."

Johanna's eyes narrow. "She's not in love with me."

"Whatever," he replies flippantly. "Either way, she's begun something that Snow is not happy about. I guess you made the right call. Even though I know it's painful for you." he places his hand on hers, and she squeezes his strong fingers with her own. She leans onto his chest and he encircles her in his arms. "We will be free one day, Jo. I can feel it. Free to love. Free to be ourselves. Free to feel safe and protected. Free from this oppressive breath down our neck."

"I hope so."

* * *

The months fly by, and the warm climate of Four belies the fall of winter. But Johanna knows the date - Haymitch has called her and Effie has called her, too. She has to return to Twelve to begin the Victory Tour in a few days. She packs her clothes back into her suitcase as Annie sits on the edge of her bed. "I wish you didn't have to leave."

Johanna smiles at her. For how precarious Annie's mental stability was, the two of them got along quite well. Johanna found herself having to bite her tongue a lot, but the practice in patience was probably for the best. "I'm gonna miss you too, Red."

Finnick appears in the doorway, the glint of water on his golden skin. He had clearly just been swimming. His normally fluffed up hair was matted down, an attractive, slimy piece of seaweed stuck in it. Annie giggles, unable to meet his gaze. "What? What's so funny?"

Johanna lifts her suitcase with one hand, and with the other, slowly pulls out the wet piece of green plant life out of his hair, smacking it against his chest with a splat. "You can take the boy out of the ocean..."

"Very funny." Finnick waves to Annie as the two make their way downstairs and out the door, into the slight breeze of the morning. "So what's the plan?"

Johanna snorts as she kicks some sand whilst they walk toward the train station. She hadn't really devised a plan outside of 'avoid Katniss.' It seemed like a solid enough endeavor. "Use this tour to try and quell this uprising. Get Katniss back home alive. Come back here. Die a miserable old spinster."

Finnick laughs, tossing his head back and wetting Johanna with the seawater still entrenched in his golden hair. "Doubtful." Finnick peers down the tracks to look for the oncoming train, which has yet to arrive. "I believe in you. I know that Katniss' very life depends on breaking your heart. But maybe on this trip...allow yourself a moment of weakness. It might do you both some good to come out of this fantasy world Snow is making you live in and really _feel _something."

The loud whistle of the train derails Johanna's thoughts, but she nods and bites her lip in agreement. Maybe. Maybe not. Finnick embraces her in a tight hug as she disembarks for the train, settling herself near a window. Finnick's waving form disappears quickly in the distance as the train is plunged into darkness.

* * *

Twelve is bitterly cold when Johanna arrives, and she wraps her Capitol-gift fur coat around her tightly. Immediately she misses the friendly warmth of Four. There's a fresh powder of snow on the ground that crunches beneath her feet as she makes her way toward her home. As she comes upon the front door, she sees the light on inside. Her heart seizes. _Please don't be Katniss._

When she opens the door, she is relieved but also perplexed to see Peeta sitting there, hands folded, waiting patiently on her couch. "Sorry, I let myself in. Your door was unlocked."

"Yeah, usually people don't go into the home of a vicious killer uninvited," Johanna remarks back, tossing her suitcase on the floor. She props herself up on the counter between the kitchen and the living room, dangling her legs and smacking her calves against the wood. "So why are you here?"

Peeta's thin lips set into a line, and he takes in a deep breath. "You know, I've been sitting here for two hours at least, and I still don't know what to say."

"Let's make it easier on ourselves and agree not to lie to each other, all right?" Peeta nods.

"I'm not an idiot," Peeta starts.

"I thought we agreed not to lie?" Johanna interrupts smugly, smirking at the younger boy.

"Hilarious," he replies dryly. "I know about you and Katniss. It's clear to me that she has feelings for you. I think you have feelings for her? I hope you do, because she's been a _disaster_ since you left." This news erases the smile from Johanna's face. "She talks to no one except Prim. I know she talks to Gale sometimes, on Sundays when they hunt in the woods. But she won't talk to me."

"And this is my problem because...?"

"Because President Snow is arriving tomorrow to talk to Katniss before the Tour." Johanna's enlarged eyes give her away. "I only know this because Effie knows and told Haymitch. And he drunkenly told me last night." Johanna rolls her eyes at this bit of information. "Intentional or not, now I know and Katniss doesn't. I just don't know why he'd come out here unless she was in trouble."

He doesn't know about the rebellions. Finnick was right. Johanna shrugs. "I saw him before my Tour, too." It's not a complete lie. Snow had been trying to butter her up before her Tour began. She was too young to outright proposition, but his snakelike eyes never left her brain, even after she'd tossed his white rose into her fireplace. "What do you propose I do? Go over there and tell her?"

Peeta shrugs. "I guess just wanted to see if you'd deny it." He sighs sadly, standing up from the couch. He favors his non-prosthetic leg as he hobbles toward the door. "I love her too, you know. And I'm sure it seems like I'm getting the better of this deal, but I'm not." He looks at her through his mess of blonde hair. "I'd rather be loved for real in secret, than loved in a farce in public."

* * *

Peeta's information is solid. President Snow arrives early in the morning, requesting a solo meeting with Katniss in the office of her home. Katniss isn't home when he arrives, but Johanna lets herself in to the Everdeen home an hour before.

"Hi, Johanna," Prim greets, giving her a smile. "We have some cookies on the table if you want some."

Johanna raises her eyebrow. "Cookies at seven in the morning?" Prim nods. "I think I'll pass, Lil Bit, but maybe I'll grab one on my way out." Mrs. Everdeen walks in, wiping her hands on her apron. "Good morning, Mrs. Everdeen."

"Johanna," she greets evenly. The way she's eyeing Johanna up and down makes her self-conscious. She isn't dressed inappropriately, so why the stare? "No one has arrived yet. Katniss is out hu-" she stops herself. "Getting something from the market. I'm sure she'll be back soon."

"Great, well, I guess I'll just hang out until she gets here? If that's okay?" Why was this woman making her feel so small? Those intense blue eyes, the same as Prim's but older and without the presumed innocence of youth, they were icy. She felt like a child again.

"Of course. Do you want some tea?" Mrs. Everdeen starts toward the kitchen but Johanna shakes her head.

"No thank you. I'll be waiting up in the study." She begins down the hallway, then turns. "When they arrive, no need to let them know I'm here. And for fu-" Johanna looks at Prim. She clears her throat. "For Pete's sake, don't tell them where Katniss is."

...

When President Snow arrives, he also decides to wait for Katniss in the study. Much to his surprise Johanna is already in there, thumbing through a book. "Miss Mason, how lovely to see you. Congratulations are in order."

He takes off his coat, handing it to one of his handlers. He waves for them to leave the room, skirting around the desk and making himself at home in the Everdeen's office chair. Johanna inhales a sharp breath through her mouth, trying to avoid smelling the coppery odor Snow seemed to always have. "Thank you."

"Are you here on official Mentor business? Or is this a _personal _house call?" The way he says it, the inflection in his voice, for a brief moment startles Johanna. There is no possible way he knows.

Johanna remembers herself and smirks, still flipping through the old volume in her hands. "A little bit of both. I mean, when the President of Panem comes to little ol' Twelve, I think I deserve to see him. Don't you?"

Snow smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I suppose." Katniss barges in behind them, her eyes darting nervously from Snow to Johanna. "Ah, Miss Everdeen. Please have a seat." Katniss eyes Johanna warily, who simply nods and motions for her to sit in the seat. She follows the orders, and Snow watches this interaction with his usual observant stare. "I would prefer not to do this with an audience, but as I'm sure you know, Johanna Mason is a force to be reckoned with."

Katniss nods wordlessly, her eyes trained on Snow like he was a viper ready to strike. "Now, we're going to make this situation simple by agreeing not to lie to each other. Agreed?" Johanna's mind flashes to herself the night before, saying the same thing to Peeta. It sends a shiver up her spine to think that they spoke the same words, had the same thoughts.

"I think that would save us time." Katniss' even tone surprises Johanna, who badly hides a smile.

Snow smiles at this, drumming his fingers on the desk. He fingers a pen in his hands, twirling it between his fingers. "I have a problem, Miss Everdeen. A problem that began the moment you pulled those berries from the arena." Katniss nods. "Had I been in Seneca Crane's shoes, I would have blown you to bits in that instant. But Crane was a showman with an unfortunate sentimental streak. I'm sure you can guess where he is now."

Johanna leans against the bookshelf. Seneca Crane was on a long list of Capitol citizens Johanna had slept with to get back at Snow. She wasn't sure what it was accomplishing, other than showing him she could choose freely what do with her body. It seemed kind of ghoulish to sleep with the man who had been partly responsible for her time in the arena, but it also seemed like a slap in the face to Snow, which had overridden her better judgement. He even shoots Johanna a glance as he says this, but returns his gaze to Katniss.

"Of course, we had no choice but to let you play out this love-crazed schoolgirl act you've been impressively playing. The Capitol has fallen for it. And you have your Mentor here to thank for that. It _almost_ saved Seneca Crane's life." Katniss casts a sidelong glance at Johanna, then returns her eyes to Snow. "Unfortunately, not everyone in the Districts were fooled. Would you have been, in their shoes?"

"I don't know," Katniss answers honestly. Would she had believed herself? Maybe. Peeta was very convincing. But for the people in the other Districts like Eleven, who lived under a stricter code, they were probably less gullible. Her treatment of Rue had nothing to do with protecting Peeta.

"I, for one, doubt it. You don't know this, but there have been acts of rebellion. The way they see it, if a poor girl from Twelve can start an uprising, why can't they? And do you know what would happen to these people if they began a rebellion, Katniss?"

"You'd be killed," Johanna interjects into the conversation, startling Katniss.

Snow is not perturbed. "Perhaps. But an orchestra can play without a conductor, and a new conductor is always chosen before the next piece." Johanna rolls her eyes as Snow continues. "The real tragedy would be what would happen to the citizens of Panem. The mothers, sisters, _Mentors_." Johanna sees Katniss tense, and it takes all her willpower to not reach out and touch her. Comfort her. The same willpower that's keeping her from throttling Snow's throat where he sits.

"So why not just kill me now?" Katniss asks, emboldened by Johanna's arrogance. "Why not arrange an accident?"

Snow lets out a very soft snicker. "Would you believe that?" He pauses, but Katniss doesn't answer. She knows she wouldn't. "This Tour is your only chance to turn this around. You must convince everyone in the Districts that you are mad with love." He pauses and looks at Johanna, then back to Katniss. "Mad with love for the _boy__."_

Katniss doesn't seem to notice. But Johanna does and it suddenly feels like the entire room is an ice box. "I will. I'll be in love with him just like I was."

"Just like you are," Snow corrects, and Johanna feels her jaw tense.

"Just like I am," Katniss replies softly. "I'll convince the Districts. Just don't hurt my family, please. O-or Gale. Or Johanna. It's not their fault."

Snow rises from his seat, walking around the desk and toward the door. "Aim higher, Miss Everdeen, in case you fall short. Convince _me_ of what I know is false." Katniss stares forward at the seat while Snow walks toward the door. "Oh, and please, this time when you're at the mansion? Try not to sneak into any mausoleums. It's disrespectful to the dead."

* * *

"Katniss?" Mrs. Everdeens' voice breaks the silence in the study. Both Katniss and Johanna had just stayed in their respective positions, completely floored by Snow's comment. He knew. How much else did he know? Johanna thought the room was spinning and she was suddenly very glad she had not accepted the cookies.

Katniss stands, wiping the frightened look off her face and plastering on a convincing smile. "Everything's fine. They don't show it, but apparently Snow wishes all the Victors good luck before the Tour."

Mrs. Everdeen's face is awash with relief, and she looks to Johanna. "Oh, um, yes. He did it for me as well. It's nice of him to make the trip out here." Johanna isn't sure where the steady voice came from, because she's still reeling.

"Okay, well, I drew a bath for you upstairs, Katniss. You are still a little filthy from your _walk _so I thought it might be helpful." She turns to Johanna. "Will you be staying for lunch?"

"No, Mrs. Everdeen, thank you. I'll be leaving in a bit."

"All right. Don't wait too long, Katniss, I don't want the water to get cold." Mrs. Everdeen closes the door behind her as she leaves, and Johanna and Katniss share a look.

"I didn't know," Katniss mumbles softly. "I-I didn't know about the uprisings." Johanna can see Katniss is on the verge of tears, so she walks forward and pulls her into a fierce hug.

"I know you didn't Snow knows you didn't, too. He's just trying to rile you up. None of this is your fault. If the Districts want to rebel, good for them," Johanna says into Katniss' hair. She smells of the outdoors and it fills Johanna with an unexpected warmth. "It's this stupid government's fault, not yours. But still, you have to do a better job with Peeta from now on. The next few days...the next few weeks, will be crucial."

"I don't know _how_," Katniss sobs, trying to keep her voice quiet to not disturb her mother. All of her fear for her family, for Johanna, for Gale, comes flowing out of her.

Johanna rubs Katniss' back through her hunting jacket, slow ministrations along her spine. "Yes you do." Johanna pulls away from Katniss, pushing her tears off her face with her thumb. Katniss leans into the touch. "When you close your eyes, he can be whoever you want." Katniss looks up at her, narrowing her eyes. "I've done the same thing. You just close your eyes and let the sensation do whatever you need. Look into his eyes and imagine they're the eyes of someone you love. It'll get easier."

Katniss knows that the safety of anyone she's ever loved is now in jeopardy. Because she can't possibly act like the fire she holds for Johanna compares to the sense of debt she feels for Peeta. There is a love there, an admiration at very best. But the tingling that spreads in her body when Johanna looks at her...that cannot be replicated. "I missed you," is all Katniss can manage to say in response.

Johanna smiles, tucking Katniss' hair behind her ear. "I know." The air is thick again between them, and it takes everything Johanna has not to kiss her. Instead she pulls away from the hug, opening the door. She lets out a shaky breath, gripping the door handle until her knuckles are white. "I still can't do this, Katniss."

The younger girl manages a smile in spite of the overwhelming sadness. She puts her hand on Johanna's cheek gently. "I still won't give up."

* * *

Katniss does a fantastic job of pretending with Peeta when they reunite on the Capitol cameras. Cinna has her dressed like a sophisticated school girl, and she is playing the part perfectly. Even Peeta seems surprised, but happy, at how well Katniss is doing in her portrayal of a girl in love.

Johanna all but locks herself in her train compartment, only emerging at each town to stand on the stage behind the couple. By the time they get to the Capitol, Katniss has stopped trying to knock on her door. Even after District Eleven, when Katniss is crying in her room, Johanna sits on her own bed, stifling her own tears into her sheets. She hears the whispers from next door - Peeta. He is comforting her. He is rubbing the unbearably soft skin of her back, shushing her quiet sobs. He's doing everything Johanna wants to do, and cannot.

The Tour is a success as far as Effie's concerned, and a failure for everyone else. They all see it - the undercurrent of rebellion in every District. Two and One are the only ones who don't seem pissed off. But even in Two there's a small look of defiance in their features. As they eat their last dinner on the train before the interview with Caesar, Johanna finally shows up.

"Nice of you to join us for a meal," Effie says in her haughty tone, and Johanna and Haymitch glare at her in tandem. She widens her eyes. "What? It's incredibly rude."

"Nobody cares if it's rude, Effie. Really. Each and every person at this table has killed someone. _Killed _someone. Seen someone take their last breath. Watch blood spew from their mouth as their heart beats just _too_ hard and they drop to their knees. Do you think that we give even one tiny, minute, iota of a goddamn fuck that I'm not present for dinner?" Johanna's voice rises steadily until she's just about screaming at Effie.

The orange-coiffed woman looks like she's about to cry and quietly excuses herself, just about running into her room in the train. "Well I'd say that was a bit much," Haymitch replies, looking offended on Effie's behalf.

Johanna rolls her eyes. "I just needed her to leave. This Tour has been a disaster. Every District is rebelling on some level or another. You two," Johanna motions between Katniss and Peeta with her fork, "need to do something big." Johanna sucks in a deep breath. "Propose to her."

Katniss' fork makes a loud clatter as it hits her plate. Just seeing Johanna had pulled painful and aching feelings from within her, and hearing her say those words made her stomach churn. Peeta looks at Katniss, then to Johanna and Haymitch. He nods. "If you think it will help."

Johanna's throat bobs as she audibly swallows. "I do. I think it's pretty much our last attempt at appeasing Snow. I don't know if anything can reverse this tide in Panem, but all we can do is try." Johanna tosses her napkin on the table and stands up. "And now I have to apologize to Effie."

"Don't be afraid to lay it on thick," Peeta warns. Johanna nods and takes off toward Effie's room. Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch sit there, unable to speak to each other as they finish their meal. Peeta suddenly stands up, retreating to his room without a word.

* * *

The proposal has the desired effect. Caesar practically bawls on stage, the Capitol audience eats it up, and shots of the country show everyone bowled over with happiness for the couple. When President Snow arrives on stage to the thunderous applause, he congratulations the two of them. From a few feet behind, Johanna watches the older man carefully. As he stares into Katniss' eyes, he shakes his head.

Johanna's heart drops. They are done for. Katniss is done for. All of this heartache, all of this pretending and dazzling for the cameras has been for naught. Johanna wonders for a moment what her punishment will be. Probably nothing. Probably just a bullet through the head and a toss into the ocean. But Katniss will be kept alive to suffer. Kept as Peeta's broodmare and produce blonde, grey-eyed children who will be Reaped and murdered.

But when Katniss finally turns to meet her gaze, she doesn't find a broken girl. She finds defiance in her eyes. Relief. And something else. Something far more sinister than both of those. Desire. _It doesn't matter anymore._

...

Peeta is dancing with a woman from the Capitol. Haymitch and Effie are being entertained by a couple of sword-swallowers. President Snow is involved in a quiet conversation in a corner with Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamesmaker. And most importantly, the camera crew is so enamored with a table full of shellfish no one notices anyone slip from the party.

Katniss' grip on Johanna's so tight she thinks she might squeeze her fingers off. Johanna takes the lead, pulling her through a maze of hallways. Katniss questions how Johanna knows the ins and outs of the hallways of President Snow's mansion, but she doesn't verbalize it. Johanna practically flings her into a darkened bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She turns to the door, locking it securely and even dragging a chair underneath the knob.

When she turns back around, Katniss is already stepped out of her dress. Johanna's breath leaves her as she takes in this gorgeous, barely-clothed creature before her. Before she can make a remark Katniss has her arms wrapped around her neck, and their lips move together in a passionate kiss. The ferocity of it - of months of tension and sadness - makes Johanna dizzy with need. Mentally cursing her prep team for putting her in a corset, she fumbles with the tie behind her.

"Let me," Katniss breathes as she pulls away from Johanna's lips. She circles the older woman, delicately pulling the intricate knots from Johanna's corset until the bindings are loose enough that it falls past her hips. Katniss places small kisses on Johanna's back, running her tongue along the strong shoulder blades, biting at the skin near her shoulder. As she turns around to face Johanna's front, she's left airless at the sight of the woman. "Wow, you're beautiful, Johanna."

"You're not so bad yourself," Johanna jokes, but the sentiment doesn't reach her eyes. The brunette truly is a vision - a perfect specimen of female curves and tight muscles. She captures Katniss' lips in a kiss, pushing them forward until Katniss falls back onto the mattress of the bed. Who knows whose room this is? Katniss doesn't think about it as she pushes her body backward, Johanna creeping like a panther toward her, meeting her for a kiss with each shuffle backward. Before Katniss' head can hit the pillow, Johanna reaches her arm around her back and expertly unclasps her bra, tossing the offensive material on the floor.

Katniss fumbles with the button on Johanna's skintight leather pants, grunting in frustration into their kiss. "I'm gonna kill your prep team," Katniss grumbles until the material finally gives, and Johanna peels the fabric off of herself, going back to her position on top of the younger girl. She of course isn't wearing any undergarments, and Katniss gasps as her naked body lays against hers.

Johanna continues her assault on Katniss' lips, then moves her lips slowly to her jaw, her ear, then drags her tongue down the tendon in her neck until she reaches her collarbone. She takes the skin between her teeth, elated when she hears Katniss groan at the small hurt. She cups the brunette's breasts in her hands, massaging the flesh with her strong hands, flicking her thumb against Katniss' pebbled nipples. Katniss arches her back for more contact, and Johanna responds by grinding her pelvis onto Katniss' center. "Holy shit." Katniss' curse makes Johanna grin against her skin, aroused at her use of a swear word. She wants to take her time, but she's so muddled with desire she skims her lips along Katniss' stomach in favor of her ultimate destination.

Katniss lets out another string of expletives when Johanna's trained tongue dips inside her. The feeling, like someone was dragging silk against her move sensitive parts, made her head swim. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, so she simply grabs fistfuls of the bed's comforter. Her toes curl as Johanna laps inside her, mapping her most intimate area with her tongue. She can vaguely hear Johanna mouthing expletives ("Fuck Katniss you're so wet, god you're hot, _jesus._") but can barely hear anything over the hum of her own pleasure in her ears. She can't even hear the orchestra downstairs anymore. Nothing exists in the moment except for herself and Johanna.

Johanna begins to suck on her bundle of nerves and Katniss lets out a loud gasp. Her hips rock with Johanna's rhythm, but it's not enough. Working purely off an instinctual need, Katniss props herself up on her elbow. She reaches her other hand down and threads her fingers in Johanna's hair. She begins pushing Johanna against her, rising her hips as she pushes Johanna's face into her. Controlling the pace Katniss is relentless, incoherent moans and words spilling from her mouth as Johanna grips her thighs with her hands.

The brunette begins trembling until the tremors take over her entire body, and Johanna's name comes out loudly from her mouth as she reaches orgasm. The feeling is overwhelming, like being drowned in a rogue wave whilst simultaneously being swaddled in a warm blanket. Slipping into a warm bath after a freezing night. Johanna is still between her legs as she pulls her other elbow beneath her, watching the older woman. It's sinfully sexy to watch. Johanna looks up at her, her mouth and chin glistening with a wicked grin on her face. "I'm just going to live down here," Johanna manages gruffly, dipping her head to taste Katniss once more.

"Mm, as good as that sounds, it doesn't seem exactly fair," Katniss replies, placing her index finger under Johanna's chin. She uses it to gently lift the girl's face and Johanna complies, stretching her body back over Katniss and giving her a deep kiss. It's too erotic to have Katniss taste herself and Johanna moans into her mouth. Her pelvis begins to stir against Katniss' thigh, leaving a pool of wetness there. Katniss coils her hand between them, slipping with ridiculous ease inside Johanna. She's rewarded with a loud groan and a shiver. Johanna braces her hands on the headboard above Katniss' head, gripping the large wooden frame to the point where she thinks it might splinter. Katniss moves in and out of her.

Johanna has had a lot of sex in her short life. Men, women, older, younger. But never, ever, with someone she's cared about. The way Katniss' eyes are trained on hers, those grey hues staring into her like she held the secrets to life within her own eyes, makes the sensation between her legs even more intense. She's feeling this wonderful girl, and letting her feel her. Katniss reaches her free hand up and drags her nails down Johanna's back, making the older girl howl in pleasure. Johanna releases her grip on the headboard, running her fingers through her hair as she rides Katniss' hand. Katniss pulls her downward, kissing her with a timidness that is not reflected in how roughly she's fucking her.

As her orgasm begins, Johanna's eyes screw shut. Her hair hangs in front of her face, curtaining Katniss' as well. "Look at me," Katniss whispers, kissing Johanna gently. Johanna's deep brown eyes, almost black in the throes of passion, look into her. They are searching her. And they roll back into her head as her center clenches against Katniss' hand, her climax coming hard. "I think I love you," Katniss whispers as Johanna collapses onto her, her lips against Katniss' neck.

Johanna brings her hand up to tangle it in Katniss' hair, kissing the younger girl's damp neck. She smiles against her skin and sniggers softly. "You think? C'mon, brainless." Katniss playfully slaps her arm, biting her lip in embarrassment. Johanna uses what little strength she has to push herself up onto her elbow. Katniss is so beautiful in this moment, the moonlight coming through the window lighting up the blonder parts of her hair. Strands of her hair stuck to her forehead because of the sweat of sex. "I think I love you, too."

This moment is perfect. This moment is fleeting. But the two women cling to it because for the moment, it's all they have.

* * *

**A/N: And that's your reward for the angst of last chapter. :P Chapter title taken from the movie Troy. _Not_ the Iliad.**


	6. Place New Steps of Change

_The horizon leans forward, offering you space to place new steps of change. _

* * *

The ride back to Twelve is absurdly quiet. Haymitch knows they have failed. Effie doesn't join them because her job is over until the Quarter Quell in a few months. Peeta hasn't emerged from his room since they left the mansion. Haymitch sits in a drunken silence as Johanna and Katniss try to avoid each other's eyes. To look into them, well, Johanna has half a mind to swipe the dinner table and prop Katniss up right there.

But Katniss, while willing, has her mind elsewhere. While failing Mission Love Peeta meant she was free to pursue Johanna, who had been more easily seduced than Katniss thought, it also meant that her family was a marked target. Her family, Gale's family, everyone she'd ever loved. Even Johanna, strong, independent, wicked Johanna was marked for death. Everyone but her. No, she'd be spared so she could watch her loved ones die, and her country get shredded to nothingness again.

She looked over at her ...what was Johanna, exactly? Her girlfriend? Her lover? Whatever she was, she was staring intently down at her braised steak, pushing the meat around with her fork. Katniss wanted to talk to her. She wanted to vent her anxiety to her. She wanted to be held and told everything was going to be okay. She wanted to talk about what had happened between them.

But instead they pulled into Twelve and disembarked, all four Victors going to their separate homes without saying a word to each other. There' was no need.

...

Johanna is in the doorway to her kitchen, which she had long ago outfitted with a steel bar, pulling herself up on it. Sweat oozing from her pores as she continues her chin-ups, having lost count a few dozens ago. She hadn't seen Katniss in three weeks. Well, that's not entirely truthful. She saw her at the market, or alone in the woods, but she wanted to give the young girl some space. A lot of terrible things could happen soon, including losing her family. This was no time for Johanna to try and have her way with her. But that's what she wanted, so instead she put her efforts into getting fit. Had to do something to burn off the excess tension.

The timid knock on her door makes Johanna smile. She jumps down from her bar, wiping her face on a nearby towel. But when she swings open her door, it's not Katniss who appears there. It's two Peacekeepers and President Snow. She swings the door to close it but one of the men puts his hand out. "I guess I can't refuse this visit, can I?"

Snow smiles from behind the men, entering Johanna's house uninvited. One of the men stands inside the door, the other closes it behind them and posts himself outside. Johanna suddenly feels very exposed - no weapons, and only a tank top and some embarrassingly short shorts to cover herself. President Snow doesn't look perturbed, and sits himself on Johanna's couch. "Miss Mason, I will make this brief. I'm here to explain to you the rules of the upcoming Quarter Quell. I am telling you this in complete confidence. If a word of this is slipped to anyone, not just the other Victors, but to anyone, the consequences will not be favorable for you."

Johanna tried to look disinterested, but the flash of either fear or confusion over her features does not go unnoticed. "Why are you telling me?"

Snow smiles, rubbing his tender, too-young-looking hands together. "Because, Miss Mason, knowledge is a powerful thing." Johanna scoffs and rolls her eyes. "The Quells, each yeah, have something different about them. The one your former Mentor Mr. Abernathy won was double the contestants. This year, the Tributes will be Reaped from each Districts remaining pool of Victors." Johanna's jaw slacked, and Snow couldn't help but chuckle.

"Did you fucking make that up?"

"I certainly didn't; the rules for the Quarter Quell are written far in advance."

"Sure, like you've never bent the rules before since becoming President." Johanna crosses her arms across her chest, canting her head to the side. "Anything else?"

"Actually yes," Snow replies, standing up from the couch. "There will be no restrictions on genders in terms of volunteering. But no Victor of the last two Hunger Games shall be eligible to volunteer for anyone. To give them a break. It's only fair, since they haven't had a chance to enjoy the life of a Hunger Games Victor."

Johanna's almost too shocked to respond. This will probably mean a lot more men in the arena. "And what a sweet life it is."

Snow shakes his head. "You know, Miss Mason, you and I are not as dissimilar as you might believe." Johanna's raised eyebrow makes him chuckle. "We both seek to protect what we love, under any circumstances necessary. Manipulation, murder, etcetera. It is all but a means to an end. What are we, if not just the end result of all the choices we make?" Johanna's lips are set into a snarl, her nostril flaring.

"We have something in common? How _thoroughly _unpleasant."

Snow nods and the guard opens the door for him. "You are a fire-starter, Miss Mason. Deliberate and stunningly efficient with your destruction. Miss Everdeen is an inferno, unintentionally ruining everything in her path, no matter the cost. What other choice do I have, than to douse the flames?" When he finally leaves, Johanna picks up the nearest object - some trophy from her Victory Tour - and hauls it across the room, shattering the porcelain pieces.

* * *

When President Snow announces the Quarter Quell, he neglects to mention the stipulation about the Victors of the last two Games getting a free pass. Johanna and Haymitch are getting drunk in his home, tossing the clear bottles onto the floor. "You can't volunteer for her," Haymitch says, prompting Johanna to turn and glare at him. "If she isn't in the arena, she won't be safe."

The warning tone of his voice makes Johanna suspicious. "Well I'm not letting _you _go back in there, you'll both get killed." Haymitch looks at her expectantly. "I'm going to have to watch Peeta go in there with her, aren't I?" Johanna knows the question is pointless. Haymitch doesn't know about the stipulation of new Victors not being able to volunteer. He thinks Katniss will get chosen, or volunteer for Johanna, and Peeta will either be chosen, or volunteer for Haymitch. What he doesn't know, is Johanna's had enough time to formulate her plan. Katniss will be chosen. Snow will see to it. And she will volunteer for one of the boys. Peeta will try to volunteer for Katniss, but won't be able to. She and Katniss will go into the arena. And she will make sure Katniss gets out alive.

The aforementioned brunette walks in the door behind them, and both drunk Mentors look to her. Her eyes harden at the sight of how disheveled they are. "Are you kidding me? We're probably going to die and you two are getting drunk?"

Johanna smiles in spite of how angry Katniss is, reaching forward to hand her a bottle. "Go at it, kid. It's only going to get worse from here." Katniss takes the bottle from Johanna's hand, then throws it against the wall, shattering the glass and spilling the contents all over the floor.

"What the hell?" Haymitch objects, throwing his hands up. As if that tiny amount of spilled liquor makes any difference in his wrecked home. But Katniss' grey orbs are shooting daggers at him and he backs down. "I was gonna ...I was gonna hire a cleaning lady anyway."

"How are you two okay with this?"

"We're not _okay _with it, brainless, we just are dealing in the best way we know how," Johanna scowled. Who was Katniss to take the moral high ground? Wasn't she the one double-timing her pretend boyfriend?

"Getting filthy drunk and embarrassing yourselves? Well good luck." Katniss storms out just as she came in, in a flurry of tears and anger. Haymitch looks to Johanna, canting his head to the side.

"Oh no, I'm not going after her. She can go hang out with Gale in the woods and cool the fuck off." Haymitch rolls his eyes and makes a motion toward the door. "No," Johanna insists. "I'm too drunk anyway. Gale is better at calming Katniss down than I am. He's her best buddy. Best friends. Two peas in a fucking pod."

Haymitch guffaws, falling off his chair onto the dirty kitchen floor. "Are you really jealous of the cousin?" Johanna's glare does nothing to stifle Haymitch's laughter. "She doesn't love him, you thick-headed fool. She loves you. It's written all over her face. As we learned from the Tour, Katniss is a terrible actress."

"Whatever." Johanna leaves Haymtich on the floor, stalking out of his home and directly back to hers. No, she can't comfort Katniss. Because she knows in a few weeks' time, she'll be dead in the grips of a hovercraft, and Katniss will be crowned Victor for a second time. And then Snow will kill her, too.

* * *

Speaking of the cousin, Johanna finds him wandering the woods a few days later. She halts in her tracks as he stalks a turkey, his own handmade bow and arrow poised. He isn't making a noise. He and Katniss do make great hunting partners. Katniss is incredibly quiet, too. No wonder she never took to oafish Peeta - the boy wasn't much, but he was ridiculously lead-footed. Suddenly the arrow whizzes through the air, piercing the turkey in the eye.

"Nice shot," Johanna calls, and Gale spins around, his weapon drawn again. "Whoa there cowboy, I'm not the enemy." Gale smirks and drops his bow. He stashes it beneath a well-hidden rock, and begins tucking the turkey into his belt.

"And why is the ever-enigmatic Johanna Mason out in the woods today?" Gale asks, stepping around his snares as he walks toward her.

Johanna shrugs. "Boredom. I thought Katniss might be here hunting, but I see it's just you. But I don't mind the company if you don't." Gale holds up his hands and smiles. He really is handsome. Much more handsome than Peeta, but he looks more like Katniss' brother than her boyfriend.

"She hasn't come hunting with me in a while. We had our Sundays, but it's..." he trails off, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's not the same anymore. When I can even get to her to talk, all she does is talk about you." Off Johanna's surprised look he smiles. "I know all about it, Johanna." Johanna feels the blush on her neck. Why is she embarrassed? She has nothing to be embarrassed about. "Better you than the baker."

Johanna lets out a genuine laugh, tossing her head back. "Well thanks. Always good to have the blessing of the _cousin_," she replies, nudging him in the side. The mood is broken when they hear the crunching of snow and snapping of branches behind them. Johanna whips around first, seeing the outline of Peacekeepers approaching them. A narrowed eye reveals that these are not the normal Peacekeepers. This is not Cray. Quickly Johanna snatches the turkey from Gale's pants, shoving its long neck around her belt.

"Stop!" the man barks, even though both of them have already paused in their tracks. "Have you been hunting illegally out there, girl?"

Johanna shakes her head, but Gale pipes up first. "She wasn't hunting at all. That's my turkey, she -"

"I killed it with a stick I found. It was wandering into the Seam. I was going to try and sell it to Hawthorne but he drives a hard bargain." Gale's wide-eyed look to her gets ignored, and Johanna stares down the Peacekeeper. "Is there a problem?"

"Arrest her. Bring her to the square." Two men rush forward and take the turkey, throwing it to the side. Johanna doesn't struggle as they begin to walk her into town.

"You can't do this! She didn't do anything! Let go of her!" Gale yells, trying to break them apart. The Head Peacekeeper whips him with the butt of his gun, knocking him temporarily unconscious. He sighs and kicks Gale's prone form with his boot, walking behind the men carrying Johanna.

* * *

Gale rushes into the Everdeen's home, startling both Prim and Mrs. Everdeen with his loud presence. "Is Katniss home?"

Before they can answer, Katniss emerges from a room off to the side, her hair tucked into her jacket. The way Gale is staring at her, his eyes wide and frenzied, immediately makes her stomach twist into knots. "What's wrong?"

"The square. They have Johanna. We have to go now." Without another word the two burst out of the Everdeen home, running at a full sprint until they get to the square. When they do, Katniss lets out a scream. Darius is on the ground, knocked out with a lump on the back of his head. And the Head Peacekeeper has his whip raiss above his head, and it comes crashing down on Johanna's back.

Her shirt is torn just at the back, exposing her mutilated skin to Katniss and Gale's view. The onlookers are deathly quiet, with only a few whispers reaching Katniss' ears. ("I thought she'd have passed out by now." "He's up to _forty-two _lashes.") Before Gale can stop her, Katniss rushes forward, taking the snap of the whip to her jaw. "Stop!"

"Get out of the way, girl," the man barks at her, raising his hand up. "Do not interfere with the punishment of the criminal."

"She's not a criminal," Katniss replies hoarsely, glaring at him. Her cheek is stinging something fierce but she ignores it, running on pure adrenaline.

The man looks at her with dead eyes. "She was caught hunting illegally in the woods." Gale's head bows and Katniss looks to him briefly, before looking back to the Peacekeeper with confusion etched on her face. "She could have been executed for that, but we didn't find any weapons on her."

Peeta emerges from the crowd, stepping toward Katniss and Johanna's dazed and barely conscious form. "Do you know who this is?" he demands, his voice lower and more authoritative than Katniss had ever heard it. "This is Johanna Mason, Victor from Twelve of the 71st Hunger Games." The Peacekeeper's eyes flash with recognition. Katniss realizes that he recognizes the two of them, but not necessarily Johanna. At least, in her current state she's pretty much unrecognizable. "Do you have any idea how furious President Snow will be when he knows what you've done to her?"

"What business is this of yours?" the man demands back, but his whip is now lowered at his side.

"We're Victors, too. Under the Capitol's protection," Peeta replies smugly. "Don't want President Snow to know that you've tried to mutilate the two most recent Victors and their Mentor, now do you?" Katniss is wide-eyed, but finally her gaze falls to Johanna. Any fight she had left in her is gone, and she's practically slumped against the pole, unmoving.

"Let her know that if she's caught poaching on the Capitol's grounds again, the punishment is death. And I will assemble the firing squad myself." He stalks off without another word, and Gale rushes forward, brandishing a knife from his pocket. Good thing they didn't check him for weapons. He saws the ropes off Johanna's hands and she falls to the ground limply.

Peeta scoops her in his arms effortlessly, careful not to touch the gaping, tender wounds on her back. Gale pushes through the crowd to let them through, buying a board off a nearby stand to put Johanna on. The two boys carried her as quickly as possible to Mrs. Everdeen's home, where she, Haymitch and Prim were waiting. Prim gasps as she sees how horribly mutilated Johanna's skin is.

Mrs. Everdeen's eyes narrow, and she begins calmly stating orders to Prim, who obliges. Gale retreats to another room, sitting down on the couch with his head in his hands. Katniss slumps into a nearby chair, taking Johanna's hand in hers and lacing their fingers together. Haymitch appears at her side, handing her a cloth filled with ice. She raises her eyebrow. "For your face. You got quite a shiner," he says, his voice without humor. His eyes are staring at Johanna, unable to move from her cuts. For all their banter, Katniss knows how close they are. They know a pain that Katniss doesn't - of being the lone Victor. He places his hand on Katniss' shoulder.

"How did this happen?" Peeta asks coldly, looking around the room.

"New Head," Haymitch supplies. Mrs. Everdeen looks up for a moment, then continues her ministrations on Johanna's torn flesh.

"No," Peeta replies. "Not that. Why Johanna? I know she wasn't hunting in the forest."

Gale lets out a sigh. He looks almost timidly toward everyone in the room. "She saw me in the woods and we were talking. She saw the Peacekeppers before I did and she took the turkey from me." Katniss begins rising from her seat, but Haymitch's hand keeps her on the chair. She's boiling with rage, her hand not entwined with Johanna's clenched in a tight fist.

"Get the fuck out of here," Peeta seethes. Mrs. Everdeen looks to him, then to Prim, then back to Johanna. Gale raises his eyebrows in surprise. "You nearly got her killed! What is wrong with you? Hunting when a new Head Peacekeeper comes into town? Are you really that stupid?"

"I didn't know!" Gale protests. "It's not like I handed her the turkey. She - she did it before I could say anything. I tried but they knocked me out and left me in the woods. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Well Johanna can't do anything with your sorries, Gale," Peeta reminds, opening the front door. Nobody else can speak. Whether from genuine shock at Peeta's anger, or from shock at his care for Johanna. "Go home."

Gale goes toward the door, stopping to turn and look at Katniss. The look in her eyes, the utter hatred and sadness, makes him clamp his mouth shut and continue out the door. Peeta slams the door behind him, running his fingers through his tousled blonde hair. Mrs. Everdeen has finished applying Johanna's bandages and walks around the table, pulling the now melted-snow off Katniss' wound. "Not terrible," she murmurs, lightly touching the broken skin. "I'll get you some salve."

"No," Katniss protests. "Save it for Johanna."

Mrs. Everdeen shakes her head. "She's beyond salve, Katniss."

"Then get her something to ease the pain!" Katniss shouts, and Johanna moans, her slight movement reddening all the bandages. Mrs. Everdeen sighs angrily.

"Get her out," she orders calmly, her timid voice masking her anger at Katniss' impatience. Katniss storms outside, tossing her jacket on as she steps into the freshly fallen snow. Peeta follows her out, touching her arm.

"She's going to pull through, Katniss. She's a fighter."

Katniss whips around, tears staining her face. "And since when do you care?"

Peeta looks up at her, his pale blue eyes offended. "I like Johanna. The... situation with you notwithstanding, at least I know where I stand with her." It's a slight jab at Katniss, but she's too consumed in her thoughts of Johanna to care, or notice. "We both only want to protect you."

A figure appears from the snow, rushing forward and nearly falling into the freshly fallen precipitation. As she comes closer, Katniss recognizes the figure. Madge. She smiles at her as the girl approaches, holding out a box. "What is this?"

Madge hands her the box, putting her hands on her knees. "Its - for - your - friend," Madge belabors in between breaths. She must've ran all the way here, Katniss realized. "Vials - of - pain - medication. My mom's. She said to use it." Madge waves before disappearing into the snowy night.

Katniss takes a look at the box, then to Peea. They both rush inside and Katniss nearly falls over a chair holding out the box. "Pain stuff." Mrs. Everdeen inspects the package, nodding her head.

"It's morphling."

"Well give it to her!" Katniss shouts, and Mrs. Everdeen shoots her a glare. Even Haymitch takes a step backward.

"It's highly addictive, but she seems to be in need of it." She flicks the vial, then plunges the syringe into Johanna's skin. Immediately the girl's scrunched face begins to relax, and the sheen of sweat on her forehead begins to dissipate. Katniss heaves a relieved sigh, taking Johanna's hand in hers again.

...

Johanna groans as she wakes, still in a drug-addled stupor. Her back feels like it's on fire. She attempts to move but the pain shoots through her body. She feels a tightness on her hand, then someone's fingers running through her hair. A smile manages to form on her lips. "Katniss."

As her vision focuses, she can see the intense grey eyes of the other girl staring into her own. Relief, sadness, and the bloodshot veins of someone who has recently cried. "Hey, don't try to move, okay? You're safe here. My mom and Prim have been patching you back up."

"Humpty-dumpty fell off the wall, hm?" Johanna asks in a slur, and Katniss' brow furrows. "The rhyme? The egg - he - he sits on the wall. He falls down and nobody can put him back together." Johanna's eyes narrow in confusion. "Who the fuck cares if he fell? Why does the king care?" Katniss can't help but giggle, still smoothing Johanna's hair. Her eyes drag down to the white swaths of bandages covering her back and her smile falls from her lips. "It's pretty bad, isn't it?"

Katniss bites her lip, shaking her head. "My mom she - she salvaged most of your skin. She said you had some great genes because you're healing quickly." Johanna nods, closing her eyes. "Why did you do this?"

Johanna moans a little, dangling her other arm which had been propped up down at her other side. "You would've done it, too. He would've done it for me. We both would've done it for you." Before Katniss can reply, Johanna's out cold. Katniss places a small kiss on Johanna's mouth, watching the pale girl's lips tick upward into a contented smile.

...

Katniss convinces her mother to allow Johanna to stay with them until the Reaping. Mrs. Everdeen treats Johanna's wounds each morning, which thankfully begin closing and healing within a few days. The scarring, however, is jagged and abundant. Johanna begins to return to herself, offering snarky commentary to the day-to-day activities of the Everdeens.

It isn't long until Effie arrives at the house to begin the preparation for the Reaping. This time, however, she isn't as exuberant. There is a tinge of sadness in her eyes as she claps her hands and shuffles the two possible Tributes out the door.

The denim jumpsuits they're wearing do nothing for their figures, Johanna thinks as they stand on the stage. The crowd is quiet, quieter than normal as the quintet of them wait to hear Effie's results. She dips her hand into the bowl of two slips, pulling out a name. "Katniss Everdeen."

"I volunteer as Tribute," Peeta replies immediately, turning to face Effie.

"I-I'm sorry, Peeta. The rules state that no Victor from the last two Games can volunteer. In order to...give them more time to enjoy their lives." Peeta and Katniss' eyes go wide. But not Haymitch. He shoots Johanna a glare, which she ignores. "Now for the gentlemen." She dips her hand in the bowl. "Peeta Mellark."

"I volunteer as Tribute," Johanna calls sternly from behind Effie, taking her place to Katniss' immediate right. Peeta's jaw is open, staring at the two women. Johanna can't even look at Katniss, whose open mouth is now set into an angry line. She's pissed.

"This can't be happening," he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. As if the entire situation will just be another terrible nightmare. But there's no waking up from this. The crowd raises three fingers in the air. Johanna and Katniss raise theirs in response. Even Effie doesn't hurry them off the stage. She stands back, allowing the District to have its moment.

...

They aren't allowed to say goodbye. But there's no need. No amount of words can heal what is about to happen. When they finally settle in the train car, Peeta is the first to speak. "Did you know?" Everyone turns to him, but his eyes are set on Johanna.

Johanna looks up at him boredly. "Did I know what, baker's boy?"

He snarls. He actually snarls and Katniss' eyes go wide. "About the new rule. You were confident. You didn't volunteer for Katniss."

Even Haymitch looks at her expectantly. Johanna nods her head. "Snow told me weeks ago." Peeta tosses a salt shaker across the room in anger. "Calm down, idiot. This is the best way. I can protect Katniss in the arena. I can get her out alive. I know most of the Victors inside. You will be much better than me at getting sponsors. Especially with your...fiancee in the arena." The word comes as a stab in the gut to Katniss.

"Get _me _out alive? What about you? You think I'm just going to let you die in there?" Katniss yells, almost shoving Johanna out of her chair.

Johanna rises from her chair, putting her hands on her hips. "You don't have a choice, brainless."

Effie emerges from another room, clasping boxes in her hands. She begins handing them out, defusing the situation within the train car. The ruby red boxes, tied in a gilded golden ribbon that matches Effie's new hair color, confuse everyone enough to stop arguing. Katniss doesn't receive one. "They're tokens. Gold tokens. Because...because we're a team. Katniss has her mockingjay pin, and now we all have something."

Peeta pulls his out - a golden necklace with a locket inside. When he fingers the clasp, it reveals a picture of Katniss inside. He smiles up at her, his blue eyes twinkling with kindness. "Thank you."

Johanna's is a gold ring that resembles twine, with the imprint of a mockingjay on the top. A Mockingjay. A Katniss. Johanna smiles as well. Haymtich's is just a wristband that coils like a snake. But it's clear he's touched, even though he hasn't had a drink in days and has been a bit touchy since Snow announced the Quarter Quell. Peeta saw to that. And for good reason now, since they were the only thing separating Johanna and Katniss from a pine box.

...

Deep into the night, Katniss hears a knock on her door. She startles upright, clearing her throat. _Johanna_, she thinks with a happy sigh. The older girl had been pointedly ignoring her, bent on suffering in silence in her room. But when the door opens, Haymitch is revealed instead. "Haymitch?"

"The one and only." Haymitch sits on the edge of her bed, clasping his hands on his knees. "I think we are going with a different strategy for this one."

"Different how?"

Haymitch nods. "We're going to give the Capitol something they've never had before." He pauses for effect. "The truth."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's a short update and wee bit later than normal, but it's an update! Thank you to all that have been reviewing and following! It warms the cockles of my heart. Consider my cockles thoroughly warmed. Title taken from Maya Angelou's On the Pulse of Morning. Which is a fantastic, Hunger Games-esque poem everyone should give a read.**


	7. This Is Fact Not Fiction

_If you feel discouraged / when there's a lack of color here. / Please don't worry lover / it's really bursting at the seams / from absorbing everything / the spectrum's a to z. / This is fact not fiction / for the first time in years._

* * *

While Haymitch spoke to Katniss, another blonde-haired Twelve native pays Johanna a visit. Peeta knocks on Johanna's door, standing anxiously outside the threshold. "Go away," Johanna calls roughly from her bed, putting her pillow over her head. Her constant drinking and neglect of eating has made her hangover almost unbearable. How does Haymitch _live _like this?

"Johanna, can I come in?" Peeta asks tiredly, turning the handle and letting himself in anyway. He shakes his head when she stares from her bed, offended at his presence. "Learn to lock the door, then, _brainless_," he teases.

Johanna sighs, running her fingers through her hair. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We need to talk about Katniss."

Johanna raises a dark eyebrow. "That is one thing I _don't_ think we need to talk about."

Peeta sits down on the edge of Johanna's bed, pushing her legs out of his way. "I know you are going to do whatever you can get her out. I thought maybe we could talk strategy."

"Let me save you the trouble, cake boy. I will do _anything _to make sure Katniss survives the arena. And I have no doubt that you will as well. Your devotion to her, while vomit-inducing for the most part, is helpful as far as I'm concerned." Peeta smirks, shaking his head. "We don't need to strategize. You get her sponsors. I'll get her as close to the end as I can. If it comes down to us, I will get as far away from her as possible, and do what needs to be done." Peeta's eyes seem to soften, his entire expression a little sad. "Please don't pity me, god." She pushes herself upright, putting her hand on his arm. "Being a Mentor is awful. Because even though you want both Tributes to come out alive, you have to make a choice. Haymitch and I chose Katniss because you chose her, too. And we're all going to choose her again. Even if we all died tomorrow and had to come back and do it again, we would."

Peeta muses on that for a beat, staring into the darkness of Johanna's room. "I wonder if she knows. If she'll ever realize how much she's loved."

Johanna chuckles softly. "Even if she did, she'd never believe it."

* * *

The night before the arrive in the Capitol, Katniss has just about had it. After Haymitch's pep talk in the car - which actually did her a lot of good, she'd begrudgingly admit - all she wanted to do was see Johanna. Chances are, they'd both die in the arena. Katniss would be protecting Johanna, and vice versa. They'd die out of pure stubbornness, if nothing else. And she would be damned if their last words to each other would be some cordial exchange over dinner.

Katniss lets herself in Johanna's room, finding the girl sitting on her bed, her knees pulled to her chest. All of Katniss' anger releases from her body like steam when she hears the soft whimpers of Johanna's cries. The dark-haired girl looks up, wiping her eyes self-consciously with the back of her hand. "What are you doing in here?"

Katniss closes the door behind her, standing in front of it awkwardly. "We can't keep ignoring each other. I can't." Katniss pauses. "I wont," she says with more confidence. "Was that night in the mansion just a good time for you?"

Johanna is taken aback at Katniss' forwardness. Her legs go straight as she avoids the brunette's gaze, looking anywhere but in those grey eyes. "No," she replies shakily. "Would you like it to be? Does that make it easier to kill me in the arena?"

The anger Katniss had released suddenly gets sucked back into her body. She stalks toward Johanna, open-palm slapping her in the face. Johanna's immediate reaction to retaliate is smothered by gripping her sheets with her fists. "You knew about the rules. You knew we'd be going back in together." Katniss' rage dissolves embarrassingly into sadness. "How could you not tell me? Why won't you just talk to me?" Katniss' eyes drop to the ground. "I thought ..I thought I did something wrong... that night."

Johanna looks up at her, surprised. She's almost inclined to laugh, but she can't considering how thoroughly wounded Katniss looks at the moment. She takes Katniss' hand, bringing her closer. "Lay with me?" Katniss obliges, getting underneath the covers with her. They stretch the lengths of their bodies together, easily melting into a comfortable embrace. Johanna kisses Katniss' head, then her forehead, then her nose. It tugs at her heart to see the uncertainty in Katniss' eyes. "Every day that has gone by I have thought about that night. Every day I have wanted to talk to you, wanted to kiss you. But I figured I'd give you some space. Give you an out. Just in case..." Johanna trails off, and Katniss brings her eyes to Johanna's. Johanna clears her throat. "Just in case it was mistake for you."

"Mistake?" Katniss spits out softly, snuggling her head into Johanna's shoulder. "I had never been so certain about anything in my life." Johanna smiles fondly down at Katniss, rubbing the tip of her nose affectionately against Katniss' own. A hand somehow snakes out from underneath the blanket and winds through Johanna's hair, forcing her into a gentle, but downright desperate kiss.

Johanna wants to memorize every moment of this. The warmth of Katniss' body, the pillowy soft movement of her lips, the gentle stroke of her tongue in her mouth, the inexorable but incredibly welcome tangle of her fingers in her hair. She wants to remember the sound of Katniss' soft whimper, so she detaches their lips and runs her tongue along the length of Katniss' jaw, settling on the skin below her ear. She's rewarded with the soft whimper she loves, and her lips grin against the side of Katniss' neck.

The air thickens between them, and all Katniss can think is how extraneous their clothes seem right now. She wants to consume Johanna, body and soul. Consume her and never let her go. Katniss rolls over, effectively straddling Johanna. "Whoa, hold on," Johanna whispers, moving to her side and forcing Katniss to lay back down in her place. Katniss' confused look is laced with disappointment, and Johanna sighs. "We don't need to talk about the next few days. We both know what's going to happen." Katniss' expression hardens but Johanna just runs her fingers through Katniss' hair, tucking it behind her ear. "If we die, I don't want this to be how I remember us. Two doomed people gnashing teeth and clinging to each other like a lifeline."

"That's what it was at the mansion," Katniss reminds. "How is this different?"

"Because we actually could die Katniss. I just want to...lay here with you." Johanna's voice softens, imploring the younger girl with her deep brown eyes. "I want nothing more than to taste you right now, Katniss, trust me. So don't make this any harder than it has to be. Just ...be with me, okay?"

Katniss smiles sadly. "Okay." She wraps her arms around Johanna tightly, placing her head on Johanna's chest. She can feel how wildly Johanna's heart is beating and it puts a genuine smile on her lips. This Johanna - this real, vulnerable, loving Johanna - is what she wants to remember when the hovercraft takes her. This is what she hopes is her last vision.

* * *

Cinna stands back, admiring his work on Katniss. She looks at herself in the mirror, flicking on the fire that makes her look aglow. He has really outdone himself. Katniss finally feels like she looks like herself: dangerous, pissed off, uncompromising.

When she approaches her chariot, Johanna is nowhere in sight. Katniss begins absent-mindedly stroking the horses, admiring the strong tautness of the beast's muscles. Finnick approaches her, his outstretched hand filled with little sugar cubes. "Hello, Katniss. Want one?"

Katniss raises her eyebrow and shakes her head. "No thank you, Finnick." The air of pretend familiarity irks Katniss. Finnick is acting like they're old friends. They're strangers. More so, he's the subject of Katniss' probably misguided but still very powerful jealousy.

Finnick grins, popping another cube in his mouth. "They're for the horses but well, they have their whole lives to eat them. People like us, when we see something sweet, we have to grab it, quickly."

"I'll pass on the sugar cube." Katniss struggles to keep her eyes with Finnick's legendary green ones, as his outfit leaves little to the imagination. Also reigning in her anger, as seeing how beautiful and sensual Finnick is, it's no wonder he's who Johanna goes to. The thought makes her feel as on fire as her outfit. "I'd love to borrow that outfit sometime, though."

Finnick smirks, looking down at the intricate and bare net he's wearing. "Well you look absolutely terrifying. Fitting for Johanna, but perhaps a touch too much for you. I think the pretty little girl dresses fit you fine."

Katniss smirks. She has to draw the confidence from somewhere. Johanna is hers. Not Finnick's. Not anyone else Johanna may or may not have slept with. She has her heart. "I outgrew them."

Finnick nods approvingly. "You could've made out like a bandit in the Capitol. Jewels, money, whatever you wanted. It's a shame about the while Quell business." Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Johanna approaching. "Ah, well, I see Johanna is coming. Take care of her, will you?"

Katniss practically snarls at him as he turns around and walks towards his chariot, popping another sugar cube in his mouth. When Johanna approaches she sees Katniss' angered expression and looks around. "Whoa, what's with the death stare?"

"Nothing," Katniss mumbles unconvincingly. She climbs into her chariot, holding her hand out for Johanna. They arrive to a universal scream, the chanting of their names mixed in with the overall din of excited shouting. As they round to the President, neither girl looks up. No, they look out. Out onto the crowd that is wild for them. They look at each other.

"You look amazing," Johanna whispers, taking Katniss' hand in her own. Katniss looks down at their clasped hands and smiles. They both look amazing. They are on fire. They are untouchable. They are one.

...

"You both looked fabulous!" Effie squeals as the disembark the chariot and make their way toward the Capitol elevator. Cinna, Effie, and Portia get into a different elevator, and just before the doors close, the Tribute from District Seven slinks into the shaft with Katniss, Johanna, Peeta and Haymitch. It's a little too cramped for five people, but the gleaming green-sparkled girl doesn't seem to notice.

"Holly," Johanna states, and Katniss watches the flash of recognition in Johanna's eyes. Katniss tries to file back in her memory of the previous Victors. Who was Holly? Holly Mersey, the Victor from the 70th Games. Won by pretending to be a weakling, then slaughtering everyone with an axe. Axes and lumber, that's the speciality of District Seven. And apparently, making tall, beautiful blondes.

"Johanna Mason, what a pleasure," she drawls, taking off her headdress and tossing it at Peeta's feet. She shakes out her long, blonde hair, letting it settle around her shoulders. Her blue eyes penetrate Katniss, and she can see the flicks of green in them. As if the green of the vast forests where she's from had permeated her genes. She forms her mouth into a pout. "Shame about the circumstances, though." Her eyes settle on Katniss, who was wishing she could shoot lasers out of her eyes at the moment. "And this is Katniss Everdeen, hm? I've heard so much about you. I love your stylist, Cinna?" Katniss nods, her jaw clenched.

Holly begins undressing in the elevator, shimmying out of her tree-like get-up. The glow of their costumes reflect off the girl's skin, and Katniss finds a spot on the wall she finds particularly interesting. Peeta has the good grace to meet her eyes, while Haymitch simply grins. Johanna, of course, is flushed red and trying to keep her gaze at at least neck-level. She turns around, motioning with a flick of her blonde head. "Unzip me, would you, darling?"

Katniss looks at Johanna, who coughs uncomfortably. She grasps the zipper, pulling it down to reveal the muscular back of the other woman. Johanna bites her lip, then promptly returns her hands to behind her back. "So how does it feel knowing the whole world wants to sleep with you?" Holly asks.

"Well I don't think the whole world -"

"I wasn't talking to you," Holly says, looking from Katniss to Johanna. Johanna can't answer as the seventh floor's bell chimes and Holly grins wickedly. "We should do this again sometime." She saunters out of the elevator, leaving all the Twelve natives open-mouthed. The men are grinning, Johanna is uncomfortable, and Katniss is fuming.

When they reach their floor, Katniss storms out of the elevator. Peeta begins laugh, and Katniss whips around so fast Johanna has to take a step back. "What's so funny, hm?"

Peeta shrugs. "Oh come on, Katniss. She was just trying to rile you up. You're so... _pure_."

Katniss balks, looking to each person in the room. No one objects to Peeta's description. "I am not!"

"You a little bit are," Johanna replies, biting her lip. "In the eyes of the Capitol, girls like Holly and the other Tributes, you're practically untouched."

"Yeah, I feel untouched," Katniss shoots back, giving Johanna a glare so heated Johanna can't help but look completely baffled. Katniss storms off into her room, slamming the door behind her. Both men avoid Johanna's eyes, as she also embarrassingly takes off toward her room, slamming the door shut.

* * *

"I am _not _aligning with Finnick," Katniss announces at the table, and the other three sigh in frustration. "We don't need anyone. Just me and Johanna will be fine."

"No, you won't," Haymitch objects angrily, his face puffed and red with both anger and drink. "Johanna's known him for years. She trusts him. The others, well, we know them too. You're at a disadvantage that just Johanna's experience won't cover."

"Yeah she sure has had a lot of experience with them, hasn't she?" Katniss asks under her breath, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair like a petulant child.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Katniss, get over it," Johanna yells as she paces around the room. "The fact that I have friends in here is hard enough. So picking which ones to kill last is not exactly fun for me, okay?" Katniss looks rightly scolded and averts her gaze.

Peeta looks around, pursing his lips. "Why don't we hold off on this conversation until Training?" Haymitch and Johanna nod, while Katniss remains unmoving. "You can get a better look at their skills, see who you like." This seems to mollify Katniss as she snorts in response.

...

The twosome enter the Training room, where Finnick immediately bounds up to them, Mags in tow. "Morning, ladies," he greets with a smile.

Johanna rolls her eyes. "Good morning Finnick." Johanna looks to Katniss', whose eyes are glued to the elderly woman behind Finnick. "Katniss, this is Mags. Mags, Katniss." Mags mumbles something unintelligible, but it sounds like recognition so Katniss nods.

Most of the Tributes don't even bother to show up by the time training starts. Johanna notices there aren't more men that she thought. In fact, it's completely still split 50/50 with the exception of their District alone. Cashmere and Gloss are at the knife-throwing station, the morphlings are painting, the Three Tributes are at the fire-starting place, Finnick and Mags are at the archery station, and Holly Mersey is on a large platform, swinging her axe with such acrobatic precision even Katniss is struck.

"Where do you want to start?" Johanna asks. "I think I'm going to go try some knot-tying."

Katniss nods. "I'm going to the fire station."

...

When they reconvene that night, Katniss is again stubborn against Johanna's wishes. "So you want Four and Two?" Katniss seethes. "And of course your _buddy _from Seven."

Johanna nods. "And you?"

"Three and maybe Mags. Not Finnick."

"Jesus fucking shit Katniss."

Johanna storms off and Katniss looks innocently toward Haymitch and Peeta, both of whom are giving her annoyed stares. "What?"

...

"You did what?!" Effie shrieks, putting her hand over her mouth. Katniss had just explained her hanging of the Seneca Crane dummy, to a rapt and wary audience of the stylists and her crew. "Katniss, that was...highly irregular. You may have caused more trouble for yourself and for Johanna."

Johanna shrugs. "I told them all to fuck off and left, if that makes it any better." Katniss and Johanna share a wicked look, the first real smile they've shared since the train.

After dinner, the two retreat to the roof, where they sit on the edge of the concrete barrier, watching the sun set over the Capitol skyline. Katniss lays on the edge, her head in Johanna's lap. The older girl strokes Katniss' hair, staring out into the streaks of yellow and orange. They don't say anything. They can't. The fragility of the moment makes every word feel like a stone into a placid lake. Too many ripples. Too many other people's lives shattered by their own. Too much harshness in their reality. So they simply exist on that roof, enjoying the feel of each other's presence. In fact, they don't appear for any meals or events until the day of the interviews. No one summons them. They are left to simply enjoy each other's nearness.

* * *

When Katniss emerges in her wedding gown, Johanna's eyes flare in anger. "I'm sorry," Katniss mumbles. A heat creeps on her neck as the other Victors stare at her with...is that sympathy? Sympathy and hatred, Katniss realizes as she see Cashmere's icy blue eyes glaring at her.

"You look ridiculous," Cashmere scoffs, taking her brother by the hand and pulling him toward the stage.

"I'll kill her first," Johanna whispers, prompting a small smile to appear on Katniss' lips.

Finnick appears by their side, shaking his head and looking at Johanna. Katniss watches their interaction carefully. He looks ...despondent for Johanna. And a little for Katniss as well. "Still?" he asks.

"Still."

Holly approaches them, straightening Katniss' pearl necklace. She narrows her eyes. "Snow put you in this?" Katniss nods. Holly's eyes roll and for the first time, Katniss feels something other than jealousy and anger toward her. She feels gratitude. "Make him pay for it."

...

The Tributes are angry, Katniss realizes. The Tributes from One and Two seem sad, almost a little defiant, at the fact that they are putting their lives in danger again. Beetee questions the legality of the Games. Finnick uses his time to express a poem that every woman in Panem thinks is for them. Holly is so soft-spoken and quietly displeased that even unflappable Caesar is unnerved by her calm disquiet. Katniss feels momentarily bad for having misjudged her. Perhaps the stripping-naked-sex-kitten act _was _just to unnerve her. Maybe. Too late to find out now.

Johanna goes before Katniss, deflecting questions about Peeta, and mostly arguing on how unfair it is that no one will be able to live the full life they are promised. "I'm sure some of you are feeling the sadness we are here. You love the Victors." The crowd roars their approval, and Caesar motions for them to quiet down. "You love us, and we love you. And we have others we love." Johanna's eyes flicker back toward Katniss, then to Caesar. "We thought we had earned the right to continue to love that person that makes the sun rise for us. The person who makes the waves come ashore. The person who makes every breath worth breathing. But...we've lost it. So yeah, I'm a little fucking angry about that."

Caesar nods sadly, thanking Johanna and wishing her good luck. Katniss comes down to the stage to such an uproar that Caesar spends a full two minutes trying to calm them down. "Is this the wedding gown you were to wear?" Katniss nods. Caesar frowns. "How unfortunate. It's beautiful."

Katniss inhales a sharp breath. "Well, Caesar, can I let you in on something? Can I tell you all something?" The crowd claps and cheers. Caesar nods for her to continue. "I never planned on wearing this dress."

Caesar looks taken aback, but just raises his painted blue eyebrow in confusion. "Why not?"

"I never was going to marry Peeta. We were never in love." The shrieks and gasps from the Capitol are deafening. Johanna's throat constricts. _What is she doing?_

"We all saw you, Katniss. Your love for him in the arena. What's changed?" Caesar is trying to save the sinking boat, but Katniss has already dropped anchor.

She shakes her head. "Nothing changed. It never was. It was an act. Not to fool the Capitol, but to get ourselves out alive. Peeta is an amazing man, and I'm glad that he doesn't have to go back in the arena again. But unfortunately, the person I truly love ...does."

The camera pans to the entire group; they settle on Finnick who mouths a 'not me!' Caesar looks up at the group of Tributes. "Who?"

"Johanna Mason." The words are so final, so immediate, that Caesar doesn't even respond. The camera settles on Johanna's shocked face. She opens and closes her mouth like a fish, but no words come out. "This dress, this is a farce. President Snow thought it would be best that I wear it. That I continue with Peeta. But I'm probably going to die very soon, and I refuse to die as something I'm not. I'm in love with Johanna Mason, the 71st Hunger Games Victor from District Twelve. And we're both probably going to die soon. So would you all like to see how I truly look?" The crowd roars and Katniss stands up. She takes one look at Haymitch, who smiles, then to Cinna, who nods. She spins and the dress begins to evaporate, revealing a black, smoldering mockingjay. As Katniss lifts her arms, the wings spread wide.

The crowd is practically coming apart at the seams, and Katniss returns to stand next to Johanna. She takes the older girl by the hand, gives it a kiss, then thrusts their clasped hands into the air. The Tribute from Eleven grabs her hand, and suddenly, down the line, all the Tributes hold up their fists triumphantly. Caesar looks back in barely disguised horror as the lights cut out.

But it's too late. The world has seen their solidarity. They have been told they've been duped. That the Capitol is to blame for this unfortunate end to this romance. Katniss and Johanna are marked for death, but at least they will face it together. For the first time since volunteering for Prim, Katniss finally feels like herself.

* * *

**A/N: So this was so much fun to write I just kind of sat up all night and wrote it. Sorry it's so short but I thought this was a good place to stop. My Seven Victor will not be another Johanna, I just couldn't resist that elevator moment. Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews! (Ah, to the person who feels I'm subtly digging at Peeta, that is a very fair point. Author bias because I _abhor _Peeta in the films and the book.) The reviews are very helpful motivation so thank you again. Chapter title taken from Death Cab for Cutie's "A Lack of Color."**


	8. Not Dark Yet

_Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain / Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain._

* * *

When Johanna and Katniss finally manage to procure an elevator, Johanna bashes the "close door" button before anyone else can join. Katniss smirks wickedly, pushing Johanna against the glass and crashing their lips together in a fervent kiss. When she pulls away for a breath, Johanna grins. "You know we're totally screwed now, right?"

Katniss shrugs. "We were _screwed _from the start, brainless." The way Katniss draws out the teasing nickname sends a jolt through Johanna that is a cocktail of anger and arousal. She pushes Katniss back against the wall, cupping her jaw with her hands and kissing her forcefully. Katniss can feel her elbow digging into the circular buttons of the wall behind her. The door opens at the seventh floor, and both girls go tumbling out into the floor, still attached by the lips.

"Nice." The strange voices shocks Katniss backwards, tripping over her own heels and falling promptly on her behind. Johanna looks up and sees Holly and Blight, the Seven Victors, staring at them with wide eyes and even wider grins. "Don't let us stop you, by all means," Holly motions toward the bedrooms with a cat-like smirk across her features.

"Shove it," Johanna replies, holding her hand out for Katniss, who takes it and pulls herself to her feet. Bright red with embarrassment she practically shoves Johanna backward into the elevator, which had ben thankfully called by an attending Avox, and she pushes the button as hard as possible. Johanna bites her lip, then bursts into raucous laughter. "Oh my - your face - I can't - too funny."

Katniss is indignant, but a small smile appears on her lips as well. "I can't believe that just happened."

Johanna shrugs, tossing her headpiece on the floor as they enter their floor. "The making out in front of Seven or the giant confession you just made to the world?" Katniss averts her gaze to the ground again, toeing the steel floor with her high heel. Johanna places her fingers beneath Katniss' chin, pulling her face up. "You didn't have to do that. You didn't need to prove anything to me."

The shorter girl smiles, wrapping her arms around Johanna's slim waist, pulling her close to inhale the tangy sweet smell of cinnamon Johanna seemed to always carry with her. "I don't intend on doing anything I don't need to anymore. Only what I want." The distinct flare up of desire in her eyes is unmistakable. Before Johanna can reason with herself, she grabs Katniss by the hand and practically throws her into the bedroom, slamming the door closed behind her.

...

When Johanna finally begins to fall asleep that night tangled tightly in Katniss' body, it is the single happiest moment she has ever experienced. She falls asleep before her brain can betray her to remind her it will be the last time.

* * *

Portia sits on the bench with Johanna, giving the dark-haired girl a sympathetic look. Johanna places her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. When she went through the first time, she spent this time mentally prepping herself for the arena. _Conceal your_ abilities, Haymitch had said. It had worked for Holly, and when the two encountered each other at random the night of Johanna's chariot ride, Holly had mentioned it might work for her, too. The unsolicited advice paid off.

But now, all she could think was how she was going to get to Katniss and keep her safe. How many more people she was going to have kill? Portia's voice broke her thought process. "I wish you both didn't have to go in. I wish you could've lived a longer life."

Johanna raises her eyebrow, but eventually she just breaks into a sad, small smile. "Me too." When the countdown begins, Johanna steps on the platform, shaking her body and bouncing on the balls of her feet. "If she makes it out, don't let her marry the baker."

Portia doesn't have time to respond as Johanna is lifted up rapidly into the arena, pushing out into a platform in the middle of a huge lake. She scans the arena for Katniss, but doesn't see her. She sees Finnick, Holly, Mags, and Brutus, but not Katniss. _Fuck_.

Claudius Templesmith announces the beginning of the games and each of the Tributes splash into the water. Johanna glides through the water with ease, internally thanking Finnick for all of his swimming lessons in Four. She's not the first to reach the Cornucopia - Gloss is already there, and Cashmere is close. A few other Tributes begin swarming the Cornucopia. Johanna grabs a knife, an axe, and a small backpack. She runs into Holly.

"Duck!" Johanna drops to her knees, and Holly throws a knife over her and into someone's chest. Katniss finally rounds the corner, her quiver over her shoulder and her bow drawn, aimed at Holly.

"Stop!" Johanna yells, walking out in front of Holly. "She's on our side."

"Yeah we'll see about that," Katniss replies angrily, her arrow now aimed just shy of Johanna's shoulder.

Johanna pushes Katniss to the side, swinging her axe to dig it into the shoulder and chest of another Tribute who had been poised to strike her. He falls to his knees and she places her boot on his chest, pulling the axe out and kicking his body into the water. When she turns around, only she, Holly and Katniss are left on the Cornucopia. Everyone else has retreated into the forests. "Where's Blight? And Finnick?"

Holly shrugs. "I have no idea. Finnick was just here but I think he went to find Mags. We should probably get to shore anyway. I don't trust this thing." Holly eyes the Cornucopia warily, and Johanna nods. Johanna takes Katniss by the hand, and they begin going toward the jungle.

...

Johanna leads them through the thicket, using her machete to chop through the leaves. It's been hours since the lake, and there was no sign of water anywhere. Multiple cannons had gone off - Holly had said she thought she heard around eight. Unfortunately, the unbearable heat and humidity had rendered her guess useless. It didn't matter how many were left. If they didn't find fresh water, they'd all be dead in time.

Katniss scans the area, trying to pinpoint the shiny "chink in the armor" of the force field. "How can you see it?" Holly asks, narrowing her own eyes to try and see how Katniss was leading them. She trusted the girl's skill, but didn't trust the arena.

She shrugs. "I can, um, hear it." She doesn't want to give away what she learned from Beetee. It didn't seem fair. Also, she still didn't trust Holly. Just because she was friends with Johanna, didn't mean Katniss needed to trust her, too. Jealousy also had something to do with it. Maybe. Katniss didn't want to think about it. She'd have to kill her to get Johanna out alive, anyway. "The Capitol repaired my hearing after the last Games, so now I hear...the hum."

Holly narrows her eyes toward Katniss, but simply shrugs and offers no resistance. "Well that's a helpful little trick." Katniss nods, continuing to scan the area.

Suddenly, she sees Johanna lift up her machete. The shimmer of the force field comes a second too late. "JOHANNA NO!" Katniss screams, but the girl's hand comes down with a trained ferociousness. The spark is so bright Katniss has to shield her eyes. Johanna flies back about six feet, landing with a sickening thud against the dirt. Katniss immediately drops to her knees, wiping Johanna's hair from her face. Her eyes are shut, and her chest doesn't seem like it's rising. "Johanna? Please." Katniss' eyes begin to well with tears as she sees the girl's expression unchanged. "No, no, no, no..."

Holly comes to their side, pushing Katniss back. When Katniss regains her bearings, it looks like Holly is kissing Johanna. But when she pinches her nose, Katniss' jealousy boils into anger. Is she trying to finish her off? "What are you doing? Get off her!" Katniss lunges forward, but Holly punches her so hard in the jaw she falls to the side, clutching her face. Holly pushes her hands into Johanna's rib cage, then pinches her nose and blows air into her mouth. Katniss watches, horrified, from her sitting position next to Johanna's prone body. Holly continues working on Johanna, pushing air into her mouth as quickly as she can. "Come on, Jo. Come on," she urges, leaning down to give her air again.

_This is it_, Katniss thinks. A cannon goes off above their heads, but Holly doesn't stop. This is going to be how she watches the light go out of her life. And she'll just sit there, let Holly turn and axe her through. Give Snow what he wants and hope that maybe someone halfway-decent wins the Games. She'll throw herself over Johanna's body and get taken in with her. And hopefully be murdered on the spot.

Finally, miraculously, Johanna sucks in a deep breath. A horrifyingly sharp, high-pitched breath, but it sounds like a symphony to Katniss. She rushes forward, scrambling onto all fours. Johanna's deep brown eyes are fully dilated when they flutter open. "Katniss?" she croaks out. "What the fuck was that?"

Katniss puts her arm around Johanna's back, pulling her up into a seated position. She wipes Johanna's hair from her face, tears streaming down her own. "The force field. I couldn't - I thought you -" She takes Johanna's face in her hands and kisses her fiercely, hoping the kiss can convey the utter despair she had felt better than her measly words. Her forehead presses against Johanna's. "I thought you were dead. I can't lose you. I can't. I just can't." She kisses her again, shushing Johanna's attempt at soothing her. Johanna reaches around to pull Katniss into a hug, kissing her temple.

"It's going to take more than a few shocks to kill me."

Holly clears her throat, interrupting the moment but smiling fondly down at them. Or what Katniss thinks is fondness. "If you can walk, Jo, we should keep going. We need to find some water before nightfall. Otherwise all my life-saving abilities and Katniss' kisses are going to be for nothing." Her smile is so wide, so genuine, Katniss finally feels a twinge of guilt for having thoroughly hated the girl so much. She wasn't even sure there was a reason to be jealous. Other than the fact that she was stunningly gorgeous and may have possibly slept with Johanna. But accepting Holly as her friend meant that she'd eventually have to kill another friend. But for the first time since seeing Holly Mersey, she doesn't hate her.

A silver parachute breaks Katniss' thoughts as it falls down into the arena. There's no way that's water, Katniss thinks, as Johanna reaches down and opens it. It isn't water. It's a small metal contraption. Johanna tosses the parachute on the ground and runs her fingers along the metal piece. Her gaze is so adorably frustrated Katniss has to resist the urge to kiss her, and reminds herself that they are in a life or death arena. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this? Stab someone?" Johanna makes short stabbing motions toward Holly, who looks unamused. "Great job getting us a stinking glorified ring, Haymitch." Johanna puts it on her finger, and makes a 'meow' movement toward Kataniss.

Holly rolls her eyes and snatches the contraption from Johanna. "It's a spile!" Holly claims excitedly. The word doesn't register with either Twelve girl and Holly sighs exasperatedly. "A spile. You put it in a tree and syrup comes out. We do it all the time at home." Holly begins to scrutinize the trees around them. "Those little rat things have been wet the whole time we've been in here. I thought there was a spring but it's probably in the trees."

Holly begins to run her fingers along the trees, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Johanna lifts up her machete. "So I just bang that thing right in there?"

"How romantic," Holly replies with a smirk, "but no. We have to drill a little hole in the tree first, then we can 'bang it in there' as you so eloquently put it." Katniss begins whittling an awl, thankful for the time she spent in the training center with Mags. Tonight she'd at least know if Finnick was able to save Mags when he ran off at the Cornucopia.

When she's done Holly and Johanna take turns digging the awl into the tree as far as they can. Once they're done, Holly jams the spile into the tree and the three of them wait. And wait. Just after Johanna's grunt of frustration, water begins to trickle out onto Holly's outstretched hand. It's warm, but it's fresh and each girl takes turns lapping up the weirdly warm water from within the tree.

Holly closes the spile off and sighs. "We should just make camp here. It's about to be nightfall anyway." Johanna nods and the three girls begin their preparations. "I'll take the first watch."

Katniss shakes her head. "No, it's okay, I will. You saved our lives twice now, so get some sleep." She offers the blonde a genuine smile, which is responded in full. Johanna rests her head on Katniss' lap, while Holly props herself up in a pile of large leaves and almost immediately falls asleep. Katniss strokes Johanna's hair, and slowly the older girl's breathing becomes steady and shallow, too. Before Katniss can fall asleep a few hours later, the anthem begins playing. It awakens Holly, but not Johanna.

They watch the faces of their fallen friends light up the sky, followed by a bunch of loud chimes. Twelve loud chimes. Holly looks and Katniss, who shrugs. "How many left?" Katniss whispers.

Holly pauses. "One and Two, Beetee from Three." Katniss frowns. Poor little Wiress. The subtle sadness she's feeling must be even more prominent for people like Holly, Johanna and Finnick. They've known these people for years. She only knew Wiress for a few days and she's already distraught. No wonder they're all so angry. "Finnick and Mags, the girl morphling, Seeder, me and Blight, and you guys. Thirteen people left."

Katniss nods and Holly settles back into her bed of leaves, falling asleep just as quickly as before. Katniss smirks. How did she win her Games when she's such an easy sleeper? With an axe and aplomb, Katniss remembers, her smile fading into a thin line on her face. But the girl didn't seem so tough, like she did at the interviews or in the elevator. She seemed sweet, even.

...

In the distance Katniss can hear a loud thunderstorm, but the sky above her head is clear. After around thirty minutes of rain, she hears a cannon. As her eyes flutter closed, she begins to smell sugar. She inhales it deeply, a smile coming on her face. _When we see something sweet, we have to take it._ Finnick. At least he made it. Not that Katniss trusted him, but for Johanna's sake, maybe they'd see each other again.

The sweet smell begins to bother Katniss. What is making that smell? She opens her eyes and sees the thick fog rolling in from above them. Fast, and uniform. "Johanna, Holly, wake up!" Katniss screams, and Johanna immediately starts upright, looking around. Holly is already on her feet, her machete poised to be thrown. "The fog!"

Holly's blue-green eyes go wide. "That's not good. We gotta run." They begin to take off, and suddenly Holly stops. "The spile!" Without waiting for an answer she runs back to see the tree about to be engulfed in the fog. Grimacing she reaches into the fog, gasping in searing pain as the boils begin to form on her skin. She wrenches the spile loose and continues running, now barely outrunning the fog. Johanna and Katniss continue forward, until they hear a crackle behind them.

"Holly!" Johanna screams as the blonde girl falls to the ground, her leg touching the ominous fog. Johanna runs back, untangling the girl's foot. The wisps of the air hit their skin, burning it on contact. They each hiss in pain, but Johanna puts Holly's arm around her shoulder and they continue running as best they can.

Katniss practically collapses in front of a small, but deep puddle. Johanna and Holly crawl toward her, with the former girl practically pulling Holly as far as she can. When Johanna rolls onto her back, she sees the fog going upward, instead of forward. "It stopped," she breathes, wincing as she lets her head hit the ground.

Katniss' hand falls into the water, and she hears a sizzle like cold water on a hot pan. She peers down at her hand and sees the bubbles on her skin beginning to disintegrate. "The water," Katniss groans. Johanna raises her eyebrow, turning painfully on her side. Katniss uses her hand to scrub the boils from her skin, then pulls herself from her elbows into the water, dunking her head in there.

Johanna follows suit and the two girls sit in the water, scrubbing off the ugly blue and purple skin that has formed on their faces and hands. Holly's incoherent mumbling brings their attention to the blonde girl. "She's in bad shape," Johanna whispers, pulling her into the water. Holly gasps as the water hits her skin, her chest heaving in hard breaths from the pain. "Quit struggling, brainless," Johanna calls down to her. Katniss' grey eyes stare at Johanna. _That's _my _word. _Johanna doesn't look up to acknowledge her, she just keeps rubbing her hands over Holly's previously flawless skin.

Katniss swallows down her jealousy as Johanna carefully tends to the more seriously wounded Holly, whose hand is still clutching the spile. Again, Katniss is indebted to this girl for saving their lives. _Great_, Katniss thinks. When she gets to her feet, she suddenly sees what's been lurking in the trees. Monkeys. The orange-chested, ominous looking creatures are all around them. Dozens. Maybe more. "Johanna," Katniss calls in an oddly even tone. "You and Holly need to get up."

Johanna ignores her, but pulls Holly into a sitting position anyway. The blonde girl stretches her limbs painfully, rubbing at the back of her neck. But she doesn't miss the strange tone in Katniss' voice like Johanna does. Her eyes flick upward. She begins slowly getting to her feet, reaching around the ground for her axe. "Johanna, you need to get up. But slowly."

"Why the fuck are we whispering?" Johanna asks, standing abruptly from the water. And then she comes face to face with the monkey. It lets out an otherworldly shriek and pounces on her. Suddenly dozens of monkeys are moving from the trees like a mudslide. Holly hacks the head off the one attacking Johanna, then turns to fight off more. Katniss lets her arrows fly, piercing the monkeys in their eyes and their hearts.

Johanna turns to chop one that has Katniss pinned down, but her lover's eyes are not on the beast, they're a few feet away from Johanna herself. "Johanna!"

For Katniss, it happens in slow motion. The beast bounds toward Johanna, whose axe is buried in a monkey that has rolled just out of reach. The confusion in Johanna's eyes as she struggles with how to assault this creature. But it lunges for her before Katniss can even stand. Katniss is sure she lets out a scream, and Holly turns as the morphling emerges from the trees, tackling the monkey just before it can reach Johanna.

It sinks its jaw into her chest. Johanna scrambles to find a weapon, a nearby knife, and stabs the monkey in the back repeatedly until it's jaw releases. She kicks it hard and it flies around four feet away from them. Holly has her back to the girls, her axe raised. "I'll watch the trees. They seem to be leaving."

Johanna lifts the Morphling from the ground, bringing her to the water. Johanna slips herself into the sea around the Cornucopia onto her knees, holding the Morphling's body afloat. Katniss sits on the edge of the water, her hand clutching the girl's. Johanna uses her free hand to slice the girl's outfit, revealing a sickly set of ribs, green skin, and four deep puncture wounds. The blood is oozing slowly from them, mixing with the water and making the small area around the girl's frail body red.

Johanna leans in, whispering into the girl's ear. Katniss can't hear her, but the girl's smile is so pure, Katniss can't help but smile sadly too. The girl's breaths come in hard, ragged sucks of air. Her hand comes up, and with her blood she paints a flower on Johanna's cheek. Tears had welled in Johanna's eyes, but she wills them not to fall. The cannon goes off above their heads and Johanna lets go of the frail body, letting it float away from them.

Holly joins them on the beach, trying to wash off more of her skin. But now the boils have gone and are replaced with a burning and itching sensation. Johanna emerges from the water, blood washed from her hair and face. "I'm going to sleep," she states hoarsely. Without looking at either girl Johanna finds a soft patch of sand and lays down, burying her face in her arm.

* * *

Holly and Katniss sit on the beach, their legs submerged in the saltwater. "It would be nice to get something for our skin, Haymitch!" Katniss calls jokingly to the sky. But as on cue, a silver parachute buzzes down from the sky. When Katniss opens it, the ointment inside is smelly like tar and pine needles. She grimances, but rubs it all over her skin. The groan that escapes her lips is close to sexual and Holly raises and eyebrow and laughs. Katniss blushes and tosses the bottle to her. "Oh shut up."

"I didn't even say anything," Holly teases. She applies the ointment on her skin, biting her lip to prevent from releasing a groan similar to Katniss. "Ugh I look terrible. I look like I'm decomposing." She takes a small sniff of the ointment. "Smells a little like home, though."

Katniss rolls her eyes. "You're still prettier than everyone in here besides Johanna," Katniss mumbles gruffly, averting her gaze to the ground.

"Possibly true," Holly starts in a faux-haughty voice that sounds like Effie, "but don't forget Finnick. He's certainly prettier than me," she jokes, tossing Katniss the vial.

Katniss begins tracing lines in the sand. "How long have you known Johanna?"

Holly looks up at her, her clear blue eyes boring into Katniss' grey ones. Her hair, even though it was rustled from the jungle, still looked like the sun's rays on her shoulders. Katniss grumbled internally - she probably looked like a wet rat. "Since she won her Games. I met her when the train came through Seven. And we saw each other at events each year. Mentor parties, events at the Capitol and that. We just kind of ...clicked. I understood her pain." Katniss' raises her eyebrow. Holly meets her gaze, a deep sense of sadness in her eyes. "I took Snow up on his offer. I have two brothers, back in Seven. I didn't want any harm to come to them. And none did. But my parents..." Holly let out a sigh, trying to harden her resolve. "There was a fire, in the woods. My parents were both there."

"I'm sorry," Katniss replies. She thinks of how spoiled she is, with her mother and Prim well-protected in Twelve. At least there's Gale there, if nothing else.

Holly nods. "Nobody knows how the fire started. But I knew. I had refused a _personal _visit from Snow.." Katniss grimaced, and without thinking, placed her hand on Holly's and gently squeezed it. "And two days later, the fire." She sucks in a deep breath. "So I understood Johanna's pain. She was so young. We ...commiserated." Holly was certain Katniss didn't want to know the details, so she left them out. "We should probably wake up your girlfriend and put some on her, too."

Holly's eyes suddenly glisten with mischief. "Wanna scare her?" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. Katniss nods and then begin creeping toward Johanna slowly across the sand. They both lean over her, then they both yelp in her face. Johanna starts, almost knocking the girls to the ground. Instead they erupt in laughter, falling into the sand. After a few minutes of that, they regain their composure to see Johanna glaring at them.

Katniss hands her the balm, putting some between her own hands and smoothing it over Johanna's skin. "Ew, god Katniss this smells like Seven." Holly shoots her a glare and Johanna merely grins back. The girls sit in a semi-circle, taking turns using the salve until it's completely spent.

...

Out of the corner of her eye, Holly spots a few figures coming running out of the jungle. She springs to her feet, narrowing her eyes to try and see them. Katniss and Johanna get up as well, assembling their weapons. "Wait," Holly says, placing her hand on Katniss' hand that is gripping the arrow. "Finnick?"

One of the figures whips their head around. "Holly?" Holly and Johanna take off toward them, while Katniss walks steadily behind them, her bow taut, but at her side. Finnick hugs Holly, then Johanna, who recoil in disgust. "It rained blood on us," Finnick deadpans, running his fingers through his matted down, now burgundy-stained hair. "You couldn't even open your mouth." As Holly takes a look at the others, Beetee and Blight, she frowns. Finnick nearly reads her mind and shakes his head. "In the rain..I lost her."

"I'm so sorry, Fin," Johanna says, placing her hand on his shoulder. He nods in acknowledgement, tears evident in his sea-foam green eyes. He takes off toward the water, diving in gracefully and beginning to shake off all the blood. Holly and Blight go into the water, too, and Katniss drags Beetee in to help him as well.

Johanna stands on the beach, her hands on her hips. She scans the arena, her eyes focusing on the tall mountain in the distance. She stares down at the water, watching Katniss converse with Beetee. Holly and Blight talking to Finnick. All of these people whom Johanna cares for, some more than others, all probably a few days to death. She crosses her arms over her chest, anger simmering just beneath the surface. Her eyes fall to Katniss. Beautiful, doomed, selfless, brave, wonderful Katniss who was all the things Johanna didn't deserve. But something in Katniss loved Johanna. And while she felt undeserving of that love, she also was filled with a need to prove herself worthy of it.

She walks toward the beach, finally tuning in on their conversation. Finnick looks up at Johanna. "Oh, Johanna would know. Jo, what's Enobaria's weakness?"

Katniss' eyes grow wide as she slowly stands up from the water. "Why would she know?" Katniss asks slowly.

Holly punches Finnick hard in his calf, giving him a scowl. He looks from Johanna to Katniss sheepishly. "I just thought...she knows the other Victors, too. Maybe she'd have some insight."

Katniss folds her arms, sticking her leg out. "Geez Johanna is there any Victor here you _haven't _slept with?" Katniss practically screams, motioning toward the group gathered on the shore. Beetee raises his hand slowly, as does Blight, and they both promptly put them down when they receive Katniss' icy glare. "No wonder you were so quick to align with these two," Katniss points to Holly and Finnick. "I guess you don't align with anyone unless you've _fucked _them first." She goes to stalk off toward the jungle, then whirls around. "Enobaria? Really? She's like thirty. And she's not even pretty. At least they're pretty." Katniss shoots Holly and Finnick glares, then goes back toward the jungle. "I'm gonna get some water."

Johanna stands at the beach, dumbfounded. She kicks Finnick hard on the back, pushing him face-first into the water. He comes up sputtering. "What? I'm sorry! I figured she knew!"

"Why in the fuck would I tell Katniss who I've slept with?" She throws her hands up in the air, growling in frustration.

"Because honesty is an important part of a relationship," Holly interjects, quirking an eyebrow toward Johanna. The deeper meaning is not beyond Johanna who frowns. "It's not Finnick's fault you left out your taste for Victors to your new thing."

"Johanna!" the scream is so shrill, so sharp, Johanna nearly gets whiplash from turning around so fast. She grabs the nearest weapon - two knives - and takes off toward the jungle. Katniss' scream gets louder and more desperate as Johanna leaps over vines and roots to try and find her.

"Katniss?" Johanna screams into the thicket. Above her head she sees the birds - jabberjays - squawking above her, circling her head. She whips a knife at one and Katniss' scream dies. "What?" she asks confusedly. Behind her she hears rustling and turns to see Finnick staring up at the sky. He's screaming for Annie. "It's not her!" Johanna screams, taking him by the shoulders.

As Johanna turns she sees Katniss yelling, but she can't hear her. As she rushes forward, she sees Katniss and Holly trying to bash the invisible force field between them, with no luck. Johanna crawls toward the barrier, holding her hands to her ears. Katniss' scream is piercing her ears. Not just assaulting her aural sense, but putting a pain in her heart. She and Finnick writhe on the ground for what feels like an eternity.

Johanna's ears fill with other other screams now, too. Her father. Her mother. Prim. Anyone she's ever cared about. Even Annie's scream she can hear.

Finally, Katniss breaks through the barrier and scoops Johanna in her arms. "It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm not hurt. I'm sorry I walked off." Katniss places numerous, desperate kisses on Johanna's lips and face, then presses the girl's head to her chest. She keeps murmuring 'I love you', unaware of the others that have crowded them.

"How did they get those screams?" Finnick asks, his elbows propped on his knees. Holly places a comforting hand on his arm, rubbing it gently.

"Probably from the recordings of the Reapings, or from interviews. The audio manipulation skills in the Capitol is unparalleled almost anywhere else," Beetee informs, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Katniss' are easy enough, since she's been in here twice."

"I heard Prim," Johanna says sadly, shaking her head. "I heard fucking Prim." Katniss tenses, but continues her hold around Johanna's waist.

"Well they certainly wouldn't do anything to her. The whole country's in love with your little sister, Katniss." Holly looks up at the sky, her hands balled into fists. Katniss watches her interestedly. She hadn't seen the temper that Holly won her Games with. She had only seen the even-keeled, smiling girl that she had come to be at least a little fond of. Until now. "Wouldn't want an uprising, right? Wouldn't want the whole country in rebellion! No no, no fire in your backyard, right Snow?"

Katniss is too shocked to laugh. No wonder Johanna liked her. She was fiery. And while the elevator scene might have been to rile up Katniss, what she did there, that was to rile up the entire country. Katniss began to think about the rest of them. How Finnick had saved Beetee, how the Morphling saved Johanna, how Holly had left her own partner to help them. It seemed like everyone genuinely wanted them to live. Or maybe, they were just using them in anger against the Capitol. Everyone here, no matter how beautiful or intelligent, has a pain behind them because of the Games. All beautiful things have a little bit of sadness in them, Katniss thinks. Nothing is more stunning than resilience.

_But why are they protecting_ us? Johanna absent-mindedly rubbed the nape of Katniss' neck, and her eyes closed at the contact. That was all she needed to remember, though. Johanna. That's why she was there. That's who was getting out of here alive. The rest of them, their motivations would have to stay their own. She eyed Finnick and Holly warily, letting out a small sigh. It was becoming harder and harder to keep her eye on that goal. These people didn't seem like her enemies. In another time, they'd have been her friends. Even if Johanna had slept with them, she could've overlooked it eventually. But now all she could think was how she'd inevitably have to kill them.

Finally, Katniss began truly hoping that the world had heard Holly. That they were as angry as Katniss was right now. Because if she made it out of this arena alive, there was going to be hell to pay.

* * *

**A/N: I know there wasn't much Joniss, but I promise to rectify that soon...ish. Thank you guys for continuing to read and follow! Let me know what you think! Chapter title taken from Bob Dylan's "Not Dark Yet."**


	9. It's Tumbling Down Hard

_But someone / They could have warned you / When things start splitting at the seams and now / The whole thing's tumbling down / hard._

* * *

"We should go back to the Cornucopia." Beetee's calm voice disrupted the silence that had fallen between all the Victors the following morning. A parachute had arrived earlier with twenty-four biscuits for them, courtesy of District Three. It was a welcome respite from the gross nuts that seemed to be the only other thing to eat than the gamey rat-creatures that stalked the trees. All these broken people, Johanna thought, trying to piece together some normalcy in this ridiculous situation. All her friends she might have to watch suck their last breaths. Normally that would make her heart hurt, but one look at Katniss absolved her of guilt. She could do anything, be capable of anything, for her. It was a scary and thrilling sensation, to be wholly someone else's.

There is a certain amount of danger in putting your life in someone else's hands. There was more peril in placing your heart there, instead. But however unwise it seemed, Johanna loved Katniss. Trusted her. One look in Katniss' grey orbs and Johanna felt like in any life she'd ever lived before this one, these were the eyes she was meant to stare into. In a crowd of one thousand she could easily pick her out and know that she was hers. Johanna grunted out loud at her own musings. Now she sounded like Finnick.

Finnick gathers up his measly knives and wipes down the dirt from his uniform. "I agree. See if we can salvage anything before we encounter the Careers again."

The group treks back toward the beach, where everything is bizarrely and suspiciously placid. Holly notices it first. "I don't like how quiet this is."

"Yeah, well, then let's get our gear and get out of here." Holly nods at Johanna and the group makes their way toward the center horn. Blight takes guard, stalking the perimeter of the island as the rest of the group arms themselves. Johanna and Holly make themselves familiar with some axes, while Finnick finds a trident and some knives. Katniss refills her quiver, stepping away from the Cornucopia to examine their surroundings. Overhead she can see the blood rain pouring down into the jungle. Just a few hundred yards the other way, the place where the monkeys had come. Further right, the fog.

"Hey Volts," Johanna calls and Beetee looks up. "What happened to Nuts?"

The dark-skinned man lets out a heavy sigh. "In another part of the forest, there was this ...thing. Before we had come upon Finnick and Mags, we had tried to make ourselves a little camp in another section of the forest. But this _beast _came charging out of the woods. We ran as fast as we could, but she was not as agile as the rest of you. I barely escaped. ...She wasn't quite herself anyway. She kept repeating 'tick tock' over and over again."

Katniss quirks her eyebrow. "Tick tock? Why that?" Beetee shrugs.

"I thought it was a tick of some sort."

Katniss' attention goes back to the beach. Tick tock. The twelve chimes. Her eyes widen. The realization is slow, but when it hits Katniss, it's like a punch to the chest. "It's a clock!"

Holly comes to her side, tucking another axe into her belt. "What's a clock?"

"The arena." Katniss points at the different parts of the jungle. "Each hour something awful happens. At ten o'clock, the jabberjays. At eleven, that beast. At three, the monkeys, at five, the blood rain."

Beetee smiles. "She figured it out. Wiress, she had it figured out even before this all started." He shakes his head sadly. "I should've known it wasn't a tick. How tragically stupid of me." Finnick comes aside Holly, peering out onto the beach as well. Beetee fiddles with a coil of wire, admiring the shimmering metal. Suddenly he snaps his head up. "Where's Blight?"

Within a moment all the Victor's weapons are drawn, pointing in different directions. A cannon goes off. "Shit." Johanna's voice cuts through the silence, and she points out to a bloody mass floating through the water. Cashmere and Gloss appear from the sides of the Cornucopia, the latter covered in blood. Enobaria and Brutus emerge from around another corner.

Cashmere lunges toward Beetee, who holds up his coil in deflection. Finnick tosses his spear effortlessly through Cashmere's chest, running to Beetee and retrieving the spear. Gloss engages Holly, who ends up pinned against the Cornucopia, a large handle of a spear at her throat. Katniss loads two bows, sending one through Gloss' arm, and another through his chest as he turns in surprise. Holly's face splatters with his blood, but she quickly regains her bearings and pushes him into the water. "Thanks, Twelve!"

Enobaria grabs Johanna, tossing her like a ragdoll on the ground. Finnick tosses his spear toward Brutus, who easily dodges it and tackles him to the ground. Katniss reloads her bow, but as the men wrestle, she can't get a shot on the large boy. Out of the corner of her eye, she watches in horror as Enobaria holds Johanna down by the throat, her hips straddling the Twelve Victor.

"Aw, you didn't invite me to the party Jo?" Johanna sputters, anger boiling her eyes as she stares up at her. Enobaria's strong hands are wrapped so tightly around her throat, Johanna can't even breathe, let alone choke out a response. Enobaria leans down, her sharpened teeth just an inch away from Johanna's mouth. "Once I'm done with you, I'm going to rip your girlfriend's throat out. And there'll be _nothing_ you can do about -" Before she can finish her line, the ground beneath them moves. Not just moves, _spins_.

Enobaria gets tumbled into the water, while Johanna grabs onto a rock to keep herself on the small island. Finnick and Holly grasp each other, while Katniss holds on to Holly's hand. Katniss loses her grip, however, and goes tumbling into the water. "No!" Johanna screams, trying to make her way down into the water while gripping the whirling island.

After the ground settles again, Finnick dives into the water to retrieve Katniss. He finds her and wraps his muscular arms around her midsection, choking on water as he puts her on the rocky edge. Johanna scrambles down, lifting Katniss up from under her arms and pulling her on shore. Finnick goes back into the water to retrieve Beetee, while Holly uses Katniss' bow to keep an eye out for Enobaria or Brutus. No cannons go off.

"Let's get off this stinking island," Johanna says, grabbing Finnick's trident and making her way with Katniss back to shore.

...

They light a fire that night on the beach, and around eleven at night, hear another cannon go off. Katniss traces a circle in the sand, trying to map out the different areas. "It's all shot to hell now since they moved everything," Johanna notes.

"Not entirely. The mountain is still twelve. And that cannon, and that body we saw, that's definitely the area with the beast." Beetee points to the high mountain, where dark clouds have formed in anticipation of the lightning.

Katniss attempts to draw another diagram, but fails and frustratingly tosses the stick away. "If Peeta were here, he could draw this." Johanna tenses at the mention of Peeta's name, but nods in agreement. He would have been able to map it out perfectly.

"What good is that anyway?" Finnick asks, cracking open another seashell and scooping the contents into his mouth. "We can't stay on the beach. We can't go into the jungle. We just have to pick a route and go with it."

"We need water," Johanna notes. "And a safe place to get it. Anyone got a good gut feeling?"

As the lightning hits the mountain, no one says anything. Holly has since fallen asleep, but the others are awake and vigilant. "I think we head up to the mountain tomorrow," Beetee suggests.

Johanna raises her eyebrow. "Anyone got a good gut feeling that's not fucking crazy?"

Beetee laughs, shaking his head. "This wire...I built this wire. If we can harness the power of the mountain, we can shock the beach." Johanna continues to stare at Beetee blankly. He sighs. "If we go into the jungle, where will the Careers go?"

"To be beach," Katniss supplies.

Beetee smiles. "Good, right. And when we're in the jungle, we can shock the water and eliminate them." The silence settles between all the Victors uncomfortably. Beetee's plan is probably the wisest, but it also leaves the gaping problem of what to do after. Beetee senses this and shrugs. "And from there forward, we split however we see fit and try and survive as long as we can."

Johanna laughs. "Oh yeah, no hard feelings." She rolls her eyes angrily, blowing air out of her mouth to push hair from her face. She looks to Katniss. "We'll take the first watch. Fin and Holly can take the second. Beetee you just sit there and ...do whatever it is that you do."

...

"So what's the plan?" Katniss whispers after Finnick's restless sleepy moans subsided into a deep sleep.

Johanna shrugged, staring at the sleeping pile of Victors at her feet. "I don't know. I mean, I guess after we do this, we separate from everyone else." She looked over at Katniss, who felt a familiar wave of guilt wash over her. These were Johanna's friends. These were almost _her _friends now, too. Johanna notices the small shift in Katniss' demeanor and presses her lips against Katniss' temple. "It's okay. I mean, none of this means anything anyway, right? We're all just riding this ride until someone slits our throats or we die, wasted and old."

Katniss smirks. "Not to be a fatalist or anything," she remarks with a smirk.

Johanna shrugs again. "It's not fatalistic, it's realistic. We don't even choose own our lives anymore, Katniss. Do you feel like you've made a real decision since you were Reaped?"

"To be with you," Katniss replies evenly. It was true. This was the closest she had gotten to being herself since leaving Twelve the first time. She might never again be Katniss Everdeen, girl with the dead father and bag full of turkeys. But she'd always be Katniss Everdeen, girl who sacrificed everything she'd ever had for love. But it wasn't a sense of self-congratulatory satisfaction that propelled her, but pure, unadulterated affection. "When I'm with you, I finally understand what Peeta meant about ...staying himself." Off Johanna's quizzical stare she smiled. "Before he and I went into the arena, he said he didn't want the Games to change him. That if he was going to die, he wanted to do it on his own terms."

"Well that's more rebellious than I would've imagined the baker to be," Johanna replies with a grin.

Katniss nods. "It was. I mean, I didn't know it then, but it was. He was always himself. I wasn't." Katniss shakes her head. "They all think I'm the brave one. But it's people like you, like Holly, like Peeta, you're the brave ones. You changed for no one. Even when presented with these extreme circumstances, you guys never changed."

"Suppose so, but bravery is not what is going to change Panem, Katniss. We can fight in here until we're dead, scream at the Capitol all we want, wave our sticks in the air and do whatever, but that means nothing. What's going to change Panem is what you have given everyone. What you gave Twelve when you volunteered for Prim, what you gave Peeta when you saved his life in the cave, what you gave this whole stinking country when you pulled out those berries. What you gave me just by being in my life: Hope."

"Hope?"

Johanna nods again, ducking her head to kiss Katniss chastely on the lips. She stays close to her face, her deep brown orbs gazing adoringly into Katniss' grey ones. "Hope. It's the only force stronger than fear. Snow said that to me once." Her eyes harden for a moment, then relax when her attention turns back to Katniss. "But you know what? He didn't get it. Fear is temporary, born from ignorance. Hope... hope lasts forever because it's born from love."

Katniss shifts her position, pulling her leg over Johanna to straddle her waist, running both her hands through Johanna's dark tresses. She was sure what Johanna was saying was true. But the full burden of that she didn't want to feel. It seemed so empty and doomed, to think she was the reason for this rebellion. She was no one. She wasn't deep like Finnick, or brave like Holly, or fierce like Johanna, or smart like Beetee. She was just a girl from the poor mines who got lucky. So instead she blew it off, trying to remain light-hearted, for the moment. "That was cheesy."

Johanna opens her mouth in pretend shock, but Katniss swoops down and places a kiss on her lips. When she pulls away Johanna frowns. "Cheesy or not, it still got you on my lap, no?" Katniss chuckles softly, pressing her lips against Johanna's again. She wanted to memorize the feel of them, even now, when they were dry and tasted salty. She dragged her tongue along Johanna's bottom lip, eliciting a wonderful whimper from the older girl. As she moved her tongue with Johanna's, she felt the girl's hands press into her hips, her fingers circling a maddeningly arousing design on them, even though the fabric. Her hands still tangled in Johanna's hair, their kiss now desperate and hungry. Katniss didn't even care about the cameras, which she was sure were now on them since they stopped talking about rebellion.

Her body moved against Johanna's, stupidly wishing for more contact. Johanna grunted in frustration into their kiss, her hands smoothing along Katniss' abdomen and thighs, squeezing the taut muscles she found there. Johanna's mouth moved along Katniss' jaw, nipping and kissing the salty skin she found there. She reached her hand around Katniss' head, pulling her unruly brown hair from her neck and feasted her mouth on the newly exposed skin of her neck. She felt Katniss' pulse against her tongue, rapid and rhythmic. "Johanna," Katniss lets out in a breathless whisper, her head thrown back in pleasure.

She kisses back up to Katniss' lips. She grabs the fabric of Katniss' suit between her fingers, pinching it and letting it snap against Katniss' skin. "Well this is inconvenient," she growls.

Katniss nods, then takes a look back toward the sleeping group. "This probably wasn't the best place anyhow."

Johanna purses her lips. "Who cares about them?" Johanna eyes a insect camera hovering over them and grins. "You're welcome for the show." She winks at the camera, and Katniss playfully slaps her, sliding off her lap. Johanna frowns at the lack of contact. "Whatever. I bet Haymitch enjoyed it. And I'm sure this isn't the first time Snow has ever watched us." Johanna smirks and looks up at the sky. "You remember that, Snow? When we christened your bedroom? God knows you've never had any action in it." Katniss flushes in embarrassment, turning her head away from Johanna. When her eyes come back to rest on Johanna, she expects to see defiance in her brown eyes. Instead she finds trepidation. Fear. Katniss' eyebrows furrow in confusion, and she throws a concerned look over her shoulder, but only finds the sleeping Victors behind her. "Hey," Katniss says softly. "Where did you go?"

Johanna blinks hard, her eyes staring down at Katniss' parted lips. "It doesn't matter."

Katniss presses her lips against Johanna's forehead. "It does to me. You looked scared."

_I am scared_, Johanna thinks. The full weight of the moment had begun to crash on her. This was probably the very last time she'd feel Katniss' lips on her own. The last time they'd ever share these looks or have a quiet moment to each other. Johanna realized in the arena she was only truly afraid of one thing: losing Katniss. "Don't worry about it, okay?" Johanna's harsh tone surprises the younger girl, who can't help the wounded look in her eyes. Johanna picks up a nut and flings it at Finnick. He swats at it sleepily, but remains unmoved. With an eye roll she lobs another one at him, hitting him square in the forehead.

He starts up, his fingers wrapped around his trident. He looks confusedly around, trying to place himself in the arena again. With a sad slump of his shoulders he acknowledges Johanna with a wave of his hand.

Finnick nods, shaking Holly awake who groans in protest. Katniss settles her head on Johanna's lap, falling asleep to Johanna's calm stroking of her hair.

* * *

The next afternoon, after a breakfast of more biscuits from Three, they take off toward the mountain. The trek is fairly calm, with no animals larger than the little wet-nosed things that crawl over the trees. They even find a tree with water and stop midway through to rest and get some fresh water. When they reach the tree, it's more enormous than they imagined.

"Wow," Holly breathes, looking up at the large tree. "This is even bigger than the trees we have back home."

They begin wiring the coil around the tree, and once they were satisfied with the layout, Finnick looks around. "Okay so Johanna and I will stay here and guard the tree. Katniss, you and Holly go lay out the wire." Katniss and Johanna exchange a glance. Finnick narrows his eyes. "Is there a problem?"

"Why don't I just go with Katniss, and you and Holly guard Volts and the tree?" Johanna suggests.

Holly hardens her gaze toward Johanna. "What's to prevent the two of you from running off again?" She puts her hands on her hips. "If you're worried about Katniss, it's clear I'm not going to off her while we try and kill Two, so calm down."

"I am calm," Johanna replies through gritted teeth. "I don't know why you're so intent on splitting us up."

Holly scoffs. "If that was my intention I'd have gone about it differently."

Katniss widens her eyes. "What does _that _mean?"

"Fine, whatever," Johanna grumbles. Katniss looks to her, surprised. Johanna walks over to her, taking her face between her hands. "I trust that she will protect you. And I will find you once this is over." She kisses her soundly, a kiss that defies disobedience. She looks to Holly. "If something happens to her, I'll kill you, you know that, right?"

Holly rolls her eyes and picks up the coil. "Duly noted." Her voice softens as she looks to Katniss. "Get your bow and watch my back, okay?" Katniss nods and gives Johanna one last look, then disappears into the jungle with Holly.

...

As they make their way back toward the jungle, Holly is perspiring hard from the weight of the coil. She looks to Katniss, who has her bow drawn and pointed toward the beach. "Hey, Katniss, look. I'm sorry about earlier. It's not that we don't trust you guys. But if this is the last thing we do before we split up, I mean, we have to watch for ourselves too, you know?"

Katniss nods curtly, not looking toward the blonde. "Do you want to switch?"

"Nah, it's okay," Holly says, giving Katniss a smile. "You know, I'm glad you and Jo have each other. I've never seen her so happy before."

"Yeah, considering we're going to die soon, it's a real treat." Katniss looks to Holly, whose eyes narrow in hurt. Katniss sighs. "I'm sorry. I just wish we had more time. I'm always wishing for more time."

Holly nods. "Aren't we all?" She continues to unravel the coil, when suddenly it goes taut. A cannon goes off. Then the coil snaps. They both look at each other, but before they can speak, they hear the cracking of trees and snapping of twigs. "I'm sorry, Katniss." Before Katniss can ask why, Holly hits her hard in the temple with her fist, dropping the coil on the ground. Katniss immediately falls on the soil, the sky spinning above her as she reels form Holly's hard punch. Holly brandishes a knife and straddles her waist. _Traitor__, _Katniss thinks. But instead of slitting her throat, the girl slices her arm with surgical precision, then digs around for a moment, sending a pain akin to fire through her nerves. "Got it." She smears blood over Katniss' face and neck, then leans in and whispers in her ear. "Stay down."

The tone is so forceful that Katniss, even in her daze, complies without question. Holly snaps up as the sound of footsteps come dangerously closer. She then takes off in a whirl of blonde hair, and Katniss hears someone run by her. "She's as good as dead, time to get blondie," she hears Enobaria yell as she takes off in the direction Holly went.

As Katniss struggles to her feet, she rummages around for her bow and quiver. Once she finds it she begins to make the trek back up the hill. If Holly had betrayed her, which by the blinding pain in her arm and forehead it felt like, then why leave her there? Why tell her to stay down? The thought makes Katniss' head throb with pain so she focuses on something else. Finding Johanna.

When she comes on the tree, Beetee is ..dead? Katniss can't tell. He's on the ground, glasses broken, but no blood. Johanna and Finnick are nowhere to be found. But the tree. The dome. Electricity. What if that cannon meant Finnick had killed Johanna? Who had died? Again Katniss' head pounds inside her skull and she winces.

With a strange sense of purpose and clarity, Katniss wraps her arrow in the wire. She aims her arrow toward the sky. Wherever Johanna is, she'll hear this. When the surge of electricity runs through the wire, Katniss sends her arrow high into the air, piercing the artificial sky.

The force knocks her on her back, and she coughs at the searing pain in her chest. The sky begins to crackle, then fall around her in chunks.

* * *

The next few hours are a blur. She sees the hovercraft. Death. She's dead. But the next few minutes prove she is not, which should be a relief but seems more like a burden. She is strapped to a bed where she's injected with something that makes the pain go away, but causes her consciousness to slip. Her dreams of Johanna dying by a spear from Finnick, or Enobaria tearing her throat with her teeth combine with her last memory of the arena with Holly.

When she finally comes completely to, she staggers into a room with Haymitch and ..Plutarch? Her eyes go to both of them rapidly, her back against the doorframe. She then sees Finnick on a nearby bench, nursing a wound in his arm. And Peeta in the corner, his steadfast gaze staring at her. "Well look who finally woke up!" Haymitch greets.

"What is he doing here?" Katniss asks, motioning to Plutarch.

The white-haired man smiles and places his hands on the large desk in front of him. "This is the rebellion, Katniss. We are on our way to District Thirteen."

Peeta comes slowly forward, his eyes trained on Katniss. "They couldn't tell you because they thought you and Johanna would never do it." The look of betrayal in Katniss' eyes is brief, because then they widen in realization. Johanna. She's not there. Peeta places his hands on her arms, almost too quickly knowing where Katniss' mind was. "We didn't get to her. They - the Capitol has her."

* * *

**A/N: Sorrynotsorry for ending it there. Thanks for all the new follows! I hope everyone is still enjoying this! It's either this or actually finish some homework so...expect updates, that's all I'm sayin'. Chapter title courtesy of Band of Horses' "No One's Gonna Love You."**

**Edit - made some edits because I'm a moron and messed up some stuff. Nothing major but like..seriously I misspelled Johanna. -hangs head in shame.-**


	10. Can You Hear The Echoes Fading?

_It takes all my strength not to dig you up / from the ground in which you lay / the biggest part of me / you were the greatest thing / now you're just a memory / to let go of._

* * *

Katniss can't truly process Peeta's words. They come out of his mouth with a softness that only Peeta possesses, like running an icy faucet over a burn, but it doesn't help. In the arena, it had calmed her and refocused her attention. But here it felt like being shot in the stomach. Her fists pound against his chest ferociously as her knees give beneath her. If one could truly crumble, this is how it would look. A crumpled pile of tears, rage, and misplaced aggression.

Peeta fights back his own tears as he waves off the administrators trying to give Katniss another injection. "She doesn't need it, just leave her alone," he presses forcefully.

Haymitch puts his hand on Peeta's shoulder, gripping him. "Let her go, son," Haymitch says softly, watching as the blonde haired boy hold the weeping brunette. "Let them give her the injection."

Peeta glares up at him. "She's not like _you_, Haymitch. She's not weak. She doesn't need any more injections. She -"

"She _is _weak right now," Haymitch yells, yanking Peeta up by the back of his shirt. Katniss collapses onto the ground, her sobs escalating into full-blown hyperventilations. The doctors push Peeta aside and slide the syringe into Katniss' veins. They lift her still trembling body and bring her back into the small infirmary on the hovercraft. Peeta wrenches away from Haymitch, angrily tossing something across the room.

"She didn't agree to any of this!" Peeta yells, looking angrily from Plutarch to Haymitch. Finnick walks in to the main room, his bedsheet tied around his waist. Peeta runs his fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself down. "It's so unfair."

"Peeta, I know you're upset because Katniss is upset. But you weren't in that arena. You didn't see that bond. They needed to think their lives were on the line," Finnick explains calmly, in spite of the red tinge around his irises that betray his own sadness.

"That's not what I'm talking about," Peeta retorts. "Yes, obviously, Katniss is upset and that breaks my heart. But what are we going to about Johanna? Because if you want Katniss to lead this rebellion you're going to need Johanna. She won't do it without her. So good luck." Peeta storms off into another room, slamming the door closed behind him.

* * *

The first few days in Thirteen were spent in a morphling-induced haze that rendered her painless, but also completely numb. She remembered briefly seeing Peeta and Gale, her mother and Prim; even Haymitch had visited her in the hospital. But when the morphling was reduced, and she remembered Johanna's absence, she flew into an angry fit of depression that put her back into the hospital.

It was two weeks before she saw the inside of her family's compartment. Prim, lovely and vibrant, was the only respite from the aching that plagued Katniss' chest. She didn't tell her why she was sad, but Prim knew. She not only had probably watched the Games, but she always had the healer's sixth sense for what was troubling someone. At night she'd curl into bed with her sister, rubbing her arms and trying to coax her into a sleep. It worked on occasion. But mostly she felt like an empty boat on the ocean, tethered to a post but unable to control the rocking.

...

Three weeks of propos and staged events blended into one, monotonous series of forced smiles and speaking empty words. Peeta was much better, much more convincing as the good-boy-turned-rebel-leader-of-the-people than Katniss. But it wasn't Peeta they wanted to see. They wanted to see Katniss. But the woman who was doing the talking, dressed up in these costumes was not the girl on fire they had hoped for. She was an empty house.

The barely disguised disappointment on Haymtich and Coin's faces, as well as Octavia whom Katniss didn't know but she liked a little, would normally have bothered her. But she couldn't find it inside her to care. She didn't care about anything, really. She felt like a cloud, whirring through the sky without a place to land. When she had been cleared to hunt the woods, her aim was true. Her form still fantastic. But her eyes were hollow. Her expression twisted into a permanent frown.

...

Finally, President Coin herself organized a meeting with Haymitch and Katniss.

As they sat down in her office, the woman herself was not present just yet. Haymitch was remarkably sober, and clean-shaven. Katniss studied his face. He looked a little younger, a little less abrasive without his scruff and general haze. "Why are we here?"

Haymitch shrugged. "Not for a trophy for perfect attendance, I'll tell you that." He gives a look to his arm stamped with things to do and rubs it self-consciously.

Katniss bit her lip in anxiousness. She had never talked to President Coin alone. She had spoken with her before for propos or other Thirteen-related events, but never personally. The woman was intimidating. She commanded a room in a way Katniss had only seen in one other person - in President Snow. The mixture of fear and admiration was palpable off everyone around her. It made Katniss uneasy.

When she walks in the room, Haymitch stands politely and motions to Katniss to do the same with his head. She stands abruptly as well, making a smile form on the older woman's face. "You can both sit down." They do, and Katniss clasps her hands in her lap demurely. Even though she feels neither fear nor admiration, she still feels like she should genuflect to this woman. "Miss Everdeen, I've called you in here for a meeting. I had wished to speak with you alone, but Mr. Abernathy seems to think you would do better with some support. If you want him to leave, he's free to do so at any time."

Katniss shakes her head. President Coin nods and continues. "I've called you here because the propos we've had you doing are disappointing." Katniss tries to hide her surprise, but fails. "They lack the passion, the verve we've seen you so capable of. And Mr. Abernathy believes it's because of the prisoners the Capitol are holding. Namely, Miss Johanna Mason." The brunette tenses, her hands gripping the sides of her chair. President Coin flashes her a look - sympathy? Katniss can't tell because it's wiped clean before she can register it. "To be honest, we expected the Capitol to use her against you. Put her in their own propaganda, try and get her to convince you to defect. But they haven't. It seems the lack of her presence alone has proven successful in undoing you."

Katniss blinks hard. "They're keeping her there because of me?" She can't help the pitiful tone in her voice, even though she immediately regrets it in front of Coin.

President Coin holds back a snort and simply smiles. "Are you not aware of your status in Panem?" Haymitch shakes his head and Coin sighs. "Miss Everdeen, your ultimatum in the arena, coupled with your treatment of the little District Eleven girl, finally got the wheels moving on a rebellion that is long overdue. The Districts, all of them except for One and parts of Two, are in full-scale rebellion against the Capitol. Whether or not you agree, you and your mockingjay are the symbol of this rebellion. I do not wish for this to be your burden any more than you want to bear it, but it exists and there's no turning back now."

She stands up from her seat, placing her hands behind her back. "That said, it has been brought to my attention that your complete compliance in this rebellion is contingent upon the safe return of Miss Mason."

"And the others," Katniss interjects. Coin raises her eyebrow.

"The others?"

Katniss looks to Haymitch, then to Coin. Her demeanor is calm, even though inside she's fighting nausea. "The other Victors. I want full immunity for them, too. For Holly, and Annie Cresta, Enobaria, and Brutus." She of course doesn't care what happens to Enobaria or Brutus. They could fall into a tar pit. But she knew how broken Finnick was since Annie had been captured, and she needed to be safe as well. And she owed Holly for both her life and Johanna's.

"Brutus is dead," Coin replies. "But yes, fine. Full immunity for Miss Cresta, Miss Mersey, Miss Northstar, and Miss Mason. These are agreeable terms for you?" Katniss nods. "Very well. The team leading the expedition well be leaving tomorrow morning at sunrise." Coin turns to face Katniss, her light green eyes narrowing at the younger girl. "I hope you understand the full weight of this decision. It is not exactly wise to send a group of highly skilled members of my District to save four superfluous girls."

"I wouldn't exactly call the woman who mentored the exact person responsible for you possibly becoming Panem's president superfluous, will all due respect, President Coin," Haymitch says, standing to his feet. Katniss flashes him a grateful smile, but he doesn't return it. "I can't speak for Annie or Enobaria, but Johanna Mason is an asset to this rebellion. Not just because of Katniss. Because she's a good person. And god knows those are hard to come by." He looks to Katniss, then to Coin. "Are we done here?"

Unruffled, Coin nods. "Yes. You both can report back to your assignments." The two Victors share a look before exiting. Katniss hasn't been to any of her assignments since she was released from the hospital, and Haymitch doesn't have any, other than palling around with Beetee. When they get far enough away from her door, Katniss grabs Haymitch's hand and squeezes it.

"Thank you. For ...everything."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

The team they've assembled includes Gale, Peeta, and a few of Soldier York's best troops. Finnick offers to join, but the doctors agree that he isn't in good enough mental shape to assist. So instead, he and Katniss spend their time knot-tying, trying to talk about anything other than what's happening in the Capitol. But inevitably, their conversations come back to Annie and Johanna.

Katniss fumbles with a slipknot, angrily tossing it on the ground. Finnick looks over at her, breaking out into a smile. "She couldn't figure that one out, either."

"Annie?" Katniss asks, staring down at the pathetic pile of thin rope.

Finnick laughs. "Please, Annie could tie that knot in her sleep. Johanna. She couldn't figure out that knot either." He places his hand on Katniss' shoulder. "She has been nuts about you since the day you were Reaped." Katniss turns her head, canting it to the side to take in his words. "She keeps everyone at a distance. But that's just a side effect of being in the arena, of being one of Snow's victims." His lips form into a line. "But she took to you right away." Katniss doesn't respond, only shrinks into a smaller form, pulling her knees to her chest. Finnick sits cross-legged in front of her.

"Do you think she'll be okay?"

Finnick pauses, his brilliant green eyes staring into Katniss'. "I think no matter what happens, she will always love you. And you, her. That ...that is more important than anything else."

...

When they finally return, Finnick and Katniss wait patiently as they escort everyone inside. But the only person who walks through the door is Annie, whom Finnick embraces in the first show of real emotion Katniss had seen since they got there. Peeta and Gale follow, followed soon after by the other soldiers. Haymitch stands at Katniss' side, holding her around the shoulders. Then she sees the first stretcher come through, quickly but slow enough that the telltale blonde hairs indicate it was Holly. She is almost unrecognizable except for her long, golden hair.

And that was it. Peeta came over to stand next to Katniss, a small cut above his eye the only physical indication that he saw any battle. But his soft blue eyes were troubled. Katniss' own wide eyes and slight tremor gave her away. Peeta places his hand gently on her shoulder. "She's here. They said you can see her in a few hours, okay? They have to run some tests." He manages a small smile. "But she's here."

Katniss throws her arms around her shoulders, squeezing him tightly. He winced a little and braced himself on his good leg, but returned the hug nonetheless. "Thank you," she murmurs into his shoulder.

...

Katniss spends the next few hours sitting in a chair to the left of the door of Johanna's room. Haymitch walks out of her room, closing the door gently behind him. Katniss stands up, looking at him expectantly. He lets out a sigh. "She's in rough shape, Katniss. I know you want to see her but..."

"But what? What did they do to her?"

Haymitch shakes his head. "I-I don't know," he replies, sounding genuinely confused. "She's just different." He places a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Be careful."

Katniss raises her eyebrow at his request, but nods her assent anyway. She steps into the white room, her face alight when she sees the slender frame of Johanna curled in a corner of her bed. She finds herself unprepared for the emotions that surge through her. The euphoric feeling of happiness that is more than anything the morphling can deliver.

Johanna's deep eyes level at her, but the reaction is not the same. Katniss feels her heart seize in her chest. Something is off. "Johanna?"

The older girl's eyes widen. Katniss finally sees how deeply hazel Johanna's eyes are. Not so brown when they're devoid of make-up and her pupils not dilated in anger or pleasure. But then she says three words that sink Katniss' heart in her chest.

"Who are you?"

* * *

Beetee fiddles with a long piece of shimmering metal when Katniss storms into his workshop, followed by an out-of-breath Haymitch, a concerned Peeta, and a slightly ruffled Plutarch. He tips his glasses onto his nose and looks over them. "Well this should be good."

"Fix her." Beetee looks to the other men in the room, who offer nothing in terms of assistance or clarification. "They did something. They messed her up. They did something to her - to her memories." She looks at him, her grey eyes wild. As he stares at her, she strides forward, and he can see the glistening in her eyes. "She doesn't remember me."

Beetee looks around to Haymitch, who nods. "Memory erasure?"

Plutarch crosses his arms over his chest. "That's what it looks like. But it's not a _tabula rasa. _It's specific targeting. We've run some tests, they seemed to have left everything else completely in tact. Everything except Katniss herself."

Beetee furrows his brow, putting the piece of metal down onto the table. He leans back into his chair, rubbing the small amount of stubble Thirteen has allowed him. "Curious. I thought the memory erasure was purely theoretical."

"Well it seems the theory has become practice." Haymtich looks down to him, unable to disguise the disgust and sadness in his voice.

Beetee sighs, pushing his glasses back up. "I don't know if there is a possible way to reverse it. I would have said the entire process was impossible before you walked in."

"But can it be done?" Katniss presses, wringing her hands.

"It's not ...implausible."

Haymitch sighs, turning to look to Peeta for support. "Look, Katniss, I don't want you to get too excited. Maybe you should go back in there. Maybe if you talk to her, she might remember -"

"It hurts her," Katniss admits softly, turning around. She averts her gaze to the ground, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I tried to ...get her to talk to me. But it hurt her."

...

_"Who are you?"_

_Katniss steps forward gingerly, narrowing her eyes. "Johanna? It's me, Katniss."_

_"Katniss?" Johanna asks with a wince. She grabs the side of her head. "Like the root?"_

_Katniss smiles. "Yeah, like the root." Her smile fades as Johanna continues to stare at her like she was from another planet. "Do you ...do you not know who I am?"_

_"It sure seems that way, doesn't it, brainless?" _

_Katniss grimaces, walking toward Johanna once more. She sits down on the edge of her bed. "What do you remember?"_

_Johanna rolls her eyes. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you my life story, _Katniss_," Johanna says, mimicking her name in a snide voice. Again she grabs her temple. "What the fuck is that? When I saw your name...my head feels like someone's shoving a machete in there."_

_"I-I don't know."_

_"Who are you? I mean, to me?"_

_Katniss looks down at the ground, toeing the clean linoleum with the point of her boot. Clearly telling her they were together was not an option. Tears sprang into her eyes before she could stop them, and she wiped them with the back of her sleeve. "I, um, I was in the arena with you. We're both from the same District."_

_Johanna raises her eyebrow. "In the arena with me? During the Quarter Quell?" Katniss nods. Johanna pauses, her eyes squinting as she tries to remember. She can remember the arena, getting lifted into the water. She remembers fighting, and Finnick, Holly, and Beetee. And then a night, against a tree - "Ow fuck!" Johanna screams, grabbing her head with both of her hands._

_Katniss springs to her feet, eyes wide with alarm. "Are you okay?"_

_"Does it fucking look like I'm okay?!" Johanna glares at the brunette, her hands still pressed firmly against her temples. "Look, I don't know who you are, but I think you need to go." Johanna watches as the girl nods, more tears in her eyes. It makes her heart ache, but even more than that, makes her head hurt. Katniss walks out of the room, closing the door behind her. She slides down against it and lets the sobs wrack her body._

* * *

Beetee grimaces. "So any memory involving you they simply removed you from. No wonder it's giving her headaches. Her other senses - seeing you, smelling you - she knows they belong there, but her brain is firing incorrectly trying to place you." He clasps his hands in front of him, looking stoically toward Katniss. "The thing is ..it's impossible to completely erase someone's memories. Memories don't just live in the brain. I mean, they do in the biological sense, but all our other senses help it along. They may have simply buried you deep within her long-term memory, in a place she couldn't easily recover."

Katniss looks toward him. "So, there's a chance I'm still in there? Somewhere?"

He nods. "Somewhere. Memory is too complicated just for a click-and-delete. I don't know how they did it. If I know a little bit more about how they do it, I'll have a better idea of how to reverse it."

Peeta puts his arm around Katniss, who leans into the embrace. He looks toward Beetee. "Is there anything we can do?"

The older man sighs, rubbing his chin once more. "I'll need everything we can get on the Capitol's processes. And - this is just a theory - maybe trying to coax the memories of Katniss from others can help. People who she remembers and trusts. I don't know if it will work, but it's worth a shot. As long as she's up for it."

* * *

Johanna sits in her hospital bed, her knees up near her chest. The past few weeks have been hellish - almost more hellish than her weeks at the Capitol. There it was a only physical pain that subsided every once in a while. Here, it was a stabbing at her heart. At the root of her emotional pain - Katniss. Even now, the thought of her makes Johanna's head throb deep within her brain.

But why? When she was in the Capitol, she expected to be tortured. Every night she had to hear Holly's screams and she only wished she could either scream over her or stop her screams. But they took her in and operated on her under full anesthesia. She wasn't even sure anything had happened. But at night, she would hear voices. See things in dreams that felt so much like memories but weren't concrete. They looked muddled or tinted green. And it would cause headaches that felt like her skull was being cracked open. Eventually she just stopped thinking about them.

And now, seeing this girl Katniss, it was all coming back. The only respite was when she would get visits from Finnick. He would talk about Annie and Four; anything except for Katniss. Everyone else seemed hellbent on making her head hurt at every chance they could. Holly, Peeta, Haymitch, even Plutarch, whom she barely knew, would come into her room and try to make her remember this girl.

More confusing than that, were the emotions she felt when her head was pounding as she thought of Katniss. Happiness, some residual anger, but most confusingly of all - arousal. Seeing her made Johanna throb in more places than just her head. Something that she didn't want to think about.

* * *

Holly leans back against the wall in Johanna's room, her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped tight. "Do you remember, Jo, the first time we met?"

Johanna levels her eyes at her from her position on her bed. "Yeah. My banquet at Snow's mansion. I think I might have cornered you in the bathroom."

"You think, or you remember?"

Johanna smiles. "I remember." A wistful look comes on her face. "You looked so beautiful that night. Your hair...it was usually down but that night it was pulled up. I spent the whole time thinking of how badly I wanted to pull it out of that bun and wrap it in my fist." Holly blushes, her eyes darting to the floor instead of at Johanna. The raven-haired girl smirks in response. "And I was wearing that stupid corset and those leather pants. Couldn't get them off..."

Holly raises her eyebrow, but offers no response as Johanna looks up toward the ceiling. The younger girl wasn't wearing leather pants or a corset the first time she met Johanna. Johanna had been wearing a dress - a navy blue one that was form-fitting and had driven Holly crazy. Johanna had cornered her in a bathroom, kissing her fiercely and telling her that there was no time to waste on courting or pleasantries. That she was a girl that 'got what she wanted.' And Holly was one of those things she wanted.

They had seen each other for over a year and a half before Johanna's parents were murdered. Their time together had been the best of Holly's short life - days full of reading books they enjoyed, eating food they loved, and making love until the sun came up. All of Johanna's trademark abrasiveness was left at the door - she got to know the vulnerable girl underneath the bravado. And she loved her. After Johanna's parents' deaths, she only saw her briefly at functions, never for more than a few moments. They had slept together a few times afterward, but it only hurt Holly more to know she wouldn't have Johanna again. So eventually they stopped that, too.

Anyhow, Johanna's memory wasn't of her. It must be Katniss. "So I got it off for you," Holly supplies, hopefully.

Johanna nods. "Yes. Wait." Holly's eyes dart back to her. Johanna's own brown eyes implore Holly. "That wasn't you, was it?" Holly slowly shakes her head. Johanna winces. "It was her." She slides off her bed, putting her butt on the floor. "Everyone keeps telling me about her, but I can't...I don't remember..."

"It's okay," Holly soothes, shuffling forward on her knees until she sits next to Johanna, her back against the bed. She pulls Johanna's head onto her shoulder. "Listen, it's okay. We don't have to talk about it anymore."

"Why do I _have_ to remember her?" Johanna asks, taking Holly's hand in her own. Holly's eyes close at the contact, fighting the smile on her lips as Johanna rubs her hand between two of her own. "Why is it so important?"

Holly sighs, leaning her head on Johanna's. "She's important to you. Why else would they erase her?"

"Do I love her?" Holly pulls away, looking down at her former lover sadly.

"Why?"

"When you guys bring her up, and everyone always does it's fucking annoying by the way, I feel ...weird." Johanna pauses, biting her lip. "I feel ...my heart hurts. Almost more than my head."

Holly snorts, leaning her head back on Johanna's. "Yeah, kid, that's what love feels like."

"Feels like hell."

* * *

When Johanna sits at lunch, she is surrounded by jubilant former Victors. Finnick and Annie are to be married in a few days, and they are inseparable. Holly was finally out of the hospital - her burns had faded, her scars healing but still prominent. Johanna had learned from her that they had used heat and fire to punish Holly for her information about the rebellion. The long, jagged scar from the corner of her mouth to her ear was the product of a particularly grave encounter with Snow.

Johanna looks up from her stew to see Katniss staring down at them self-consciously with her tray in her hands. Johanna's eyes go up to her, the same look of pain and confusion in her eyes that she had the moment she had gotten back from the Capitol. "Sit down, Katniss," Holly says softly, patting the seat next to her. It was two seats away from Johanna, across the table from Peeta.

She hadn't seen Johanna since the day she came back. Several weeks had passed and Beetee was not any closer to understanding Johanna's medical issues. All he had figured out was that they had used tracker-jacker venom to manipulate any memories of Katniss deep inside Johanna's subconscious. He wasn't sure how to coerce the memories from her without inducing pain. His theory was that eventually, they would have turned Johanna against Katniss. Like a weapon. But they had rescued her before that could happen.

Peeta settles across from Katniss, digging into his stew. "How's your training, Katniss?"

Katniss looks up from her bowl, shrugging. "It's going okay. Soldier York isn't cutting me any slack."

Peeta grins. "Because you've been skipping days." Katniss shoots him a glare, but the playfulness in her eyes is apparent. Going to training with Peeta and Gale have been the only bright spots in her weeks. They are ramping up to stage a full assault on Two in a week or so and Katniss was finally cleared to go with them. She had been excited to share the news with Johanna, but had been hampered by the realization that she woudn't even care.

He reaches over and takes Katniss' arm, turning over and reading her schedule for the day. Johanna's hand grips the spoon in her hand, watching their exchange. Something about Peeta irked Johanna, but when she tried to dig in her brain for the reason, it sent her into the migraines. Obviously it was Katniss, but she didn't know exactly what. And Peeta had been so helpful, so understanding when she had gotten back, she hated herself for hating him.

The spoon drops onto her plate and she steps away from the table. "I can't." Holly gets up but Johanna waves her off. "Don't, just...stay here. Enjoy your lunch." Johanna jogs off toward her new compartment, leaving the previously happy Victors in a state of awkward silence.

...

A knock on her door pulls Johanna from her musings. "Go away." The timid knock on the door happens again and Johanna angrily rises from her bed, stalking across the room and flinging the door open. All her anger is sucked out when she sees Katniss standing there. "Oh. It's you." The derisive way Johanna says her name makes Katniss flinch. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to apologize for ...eating lunch with you. I knew it would be too much. I did it anyway. It was selfish and I'm sorry."

Johanna walks away from the door back into her room, her hand on her temple. Seeing Katniss' grey eyes full of guilt and concern made her head throb again. It was getting so tiring, trying to remember this girl. Johanna was thoroughly exhausted. "Look, Katniss, I'm sorry I don't remember anything. I just - it hurts. It hurts so much all the time and I can't help but think..."

She turns to Katniss, running her fingers through her hair. "What?" Katniss asks, pulling her eyes up to meet Johanna's.

"I can't help but think maybe it's not worth it."

* * *

**A/N: Oopsies. Chapter title taken from Paramore's "In The Mourning." Thanks for the new follows and the reviews! I struggled writing this chapter but I think I've found some mojo again so hopefully I can update again soon. With something ..happier perhaps...**


	11. To a Stranger

_Passing stranger! You do not know how longingly I look upon you.  
__...  
__I am not to speak to you,  
__I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone.  
__I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again.  
__I am to see to it that I do not lose you._

* * *

Katniss sits in her mockingjay outfit on the hovercraft, watching out the window as the Nut crumbles and the large plumes of smoke fill the air. Part of Katniss hopes the smoke and the smell of burning flesh fall on the Capitol like ash, suffocating everyone inside. She hopes Snow chokes on it and dies alone in his office, blood trickling out of the side of his mouth.

The propos they recorded is playing on the monitor above her head. She looks ..dispassionate as always. Peeta and Gale look handsome and striking in their suits, defending the people from the Capitol's hovercrafts. Even Beetee looks brave in his office, coordinating the mountain's collapse. But Katniss, the supposed leader of the revolution, looks utterly lame. She could see it in the eyes of the people there - they don't trust her anymore. The girl on fire has lost her spark.

...

"Hey Catnip," Gale says softly, tapping Katniss on the leg. He sits down next to her, folding his hands over his lap. He leans back against the wall, exhausted from the assault on Two, even though they didn't do much actual fighting. The physical exhaustion of having deaths on your conscience can take its toll. Katniss knows it well.

She manages a small smile. "Hey yourself."

Gale smiles at her, offering her a piece of candy he had smuggled from Thirteen. She accepts it, popping the sugar-coated sucker candy into her mouth. It tastes like cinnamon. _Like Johanna_, Katniss thinks sadly. "How are things with Johanna?"

Katniss sighs, looking back out the window as the other Districts fly below them. She looks back to him, a sardonic smile on her face. "Awful, thanks for asking."

Gale rubs his forehead, running his fingers through his cropped brown hair. "I'm one of the only ones who actually talks about you to her. The others ..they feel bad because it makes her head hurt but ..I don't care." Off Katniss' slightly offended look he shrugs. "It's partly selfish, but it's mostly for you."

"She told me she doesn't think it's worth it to remember me," Katniss confesses, placing her head in her hands and rubbing her face. Inwardly she can hear the groans of her prep team as she's sure she's smudged their hard work on her make-up. But her job was done today and she couldn't wait to wash all of it off and get ready for another night of tearless sobbing.

Gale snorts. "Well then she's a bigger fool than I thought." Gale puts his arm around Katniss' shoulder, rubbing her bicep comfortingly. "I know firsthand that it is impossible to forget you, Katniss. Whatever Snow did, she can reverse it. She just needs to try harder."

"I can't force her to remember something she doesn't want to. Besides, I'm sure her life will be longer and much less complicated if she's forgotten about me."

When Katniss finally looks back up to Gale, her wide grey eyes are filled with tears. They begin running down her cheeks, further smudging the gold-flecked eyeshadow that was now puddled under her eyes. Gale presses his lips against her temple, holding her closer. "She knows she loves you," he says softly. "I've talked to her about it. She just doesn't know why. She doesn't know _you_. If she could just grit her teeth, she might be able to pull those memories out. If she can get to know you again."

"And if she doesn't? What do I do if this fails?"

Gale sighs. "She won't fail. After all she's done for you, no amount of Capitol bullshit is going to change how much she loves you. Because loving you doesn't just rest in her brain, Catnip. It's all over her body. I'm sure she feels it in her heart, in her skin, everywhere. She just needs to put the puzzle pieces back together." He lets out another sigh. "She's strong. She's the second-bravest woman I've ever known." He looks down at Katniss knowingly, holding her to him as they travel the rest of the way back to Thirteen.

* * *

While Katniss is away in Two, Holly finally finds the time to talk to Johanna. She hadn't wanted the brunette to think she was a hinderance to Johanna's progress. But every night as Holly goes to sleep, she hears Katniss' cries for Johanna. Her aching sobs. She knows those sobs all too well. With Katniss gone, the burden becomes too much for Holly to bear.

"We have to talk," Holly announces, walking into Johanna's compartment and slamming the door closed behind her. Johanna looks up from one of the books she smuggled from the library confusedly. She places the book on her bed and cants her head to the side. "How much do you hate Snow?"

Johanna laughs, looking at Holly incredulously. "If you're talking about a one-to-ten scale I'd say a fucking million."

Holly's sea blue eyes harden. "So why are you giving him what he wants?" She crosses her arms over her chest, leaning her back on the door, placing her one foot flat against it.

"What are you talking about?"

Holly lets out a snide laugh. "Are you that stupid?" She scoffs, looking around the room. "When I got brought into the Capitol, they asked me what I knew. How much I knew, who I knew. I told them nothing. And I suffered for it. But you...look at you. No marks, no scars, nothing." She's nearly jeering at her, her blue eyes narrowed. "Nothing but a few memories you can't make sense of. What does that tell you?"

"What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"Read between the lines, Johanna! He got rid of Katniss because _that_ was your big fear. Mine was fire, Finnick's was Annie, and yours was losing Katniss. Since he couldn't take her from you physically, he took her from you in your mind." Johanna recoils, pressing her hands to her temples. "Does that hurt you? Good! Good, I hope it hurts you because you know what else hurts? Hearing your girlfriend cry your name every night until she passes out." Johanna looks up at her, pupils large. "That's right. Katniss is your _girlfriend_. You love her. You've loved her from the moment you saw her until the moment she and I left your sight at the arena."

Johanna curls in her bed, clutching her head in her hands. "_Please_ stop."

"No," Holly says gravely, shaking her head. "You need to confront this. You need to do this. You owe it to her to -"

"I owe her nothing!" Johanna screams, standing abruptly from her bed. "Whatever she was to me, it doesn't mean anything now. I remember loving her but I don't know _why_. I don't even know her!"

"It means _everything_ now, Johanna. We can't win this rebellion, and you will certainly never be happy, unless you confront what he did to you and figure it out. If not for Katniss, who deserves it anyway, then for Panem. For freedom." Holly strides toward her, taking fistfuls of Johanna's shirt into her hands. "For what he did to me. To you. To your parents, to mine. To Annie. To Finnick. Every single child who stepped into those arenas. If you can find Katniss, then she can find herself again. If she can find herself, we can turn the tide on this war. The people are losing hope. Katniss is their hope. And you are hers. Don't be a _fucking_ fool."

She shoves Johanna backward, turning her back to wipe the tears that had fallen from her eyes. She white-knuckles the door handle, shuddering with unspent tears. "I know what it's like to cry at night because you love someone who doesn't love you back. That pain is worse than any headache you could possibly have."

Before she can open the door, Johanna is behind her, grabbing her by the hips. She whirls the blonde girl around, placing her hand behind her head and pushing their lips together in a fearsome kiss. Holly opens her mouth to protest, but Johanna instead uses it to sweep her tongue inside her mouth, using her body to press Holly against the door.

Her thigh presses against Holly's center, pushing her thighs apart and prompting the blonde the elicit a gasp into her mouth. Johanna moves her lips down to Holly's pulse, gently sucking on the throbbing tendon. Holly breathes out her name, tangling her hand in Johanna's long black hair. The rational part of Holly's brain that knows this is wrong is shut off, leaving her to enjoy the thrilling sensations of having someone touch her.

**BAM**. Johanna sees Katniss in her mind, head thrown back in pleasure, whispering her name like a mantra.

**BAM**. Another sharp pain shoots through her as she sees Katniss on her lap in the arena, kissing her with the urgent gentleness usually reserved for hospitals and train stations.

**BAM.** Johanna doubles over in pain and falls to the ground, wrapping her arms around her head. She feels Katniss' lips dragging across her back, her tongue running along her collarbone.

"Johanna?" Holly calls from the door, her blue eyes almost nonexistent beneath her hooded eyelids. She was still trying to catch her breath from Johanna's kiss but seeing her in so much pain had shocked her out of the delirious state of arousal she had been in. Johanna doesn't answer, she just sniffles on the floor, her head buried in the crooks of her elbows.

"Will you help me remember?" Johanna asks meekly, her voice muffled into her arms as she lays like a child on the floor.

Holly lets out a long stream of air, taking her lower lip into her mouth. "No." Johanna looks up with alarm, and Holly just shakes her head sadly. "I can't. But _she _can."

* * *

Johanna begins showing up at Katniss' training hours when she returns from Two, after practically begging Soldier York to let her in. It takes her a few days to talk to Katniss, but one particularly tough day with the rifles, Katniss finds her in the small group of teenagers in their class. Gingerly she takes Johanna's rifle from her and puts it together with ease while York's back is turned.

"Thanks." Johanna smiles at Katniss, the first real smile she's given her in months.

It delights the brunette, but she tries - badly - to hide her excitement. "Sure," she replies in her most noncommittal tone, turning on her heel so Johanna can't see the large smile creeping across her face.

...

When they break for lunch, Johanna jogs to meet with her. "Hey, wait up!" Katniss stops in her tracks, waiting for the older girl to catch up. "Do you mind eating lunch with me? If I have to sit through another one of Delly's squeaky pieces of advice to Annie about her fucking wedding I'm gonna shoot this place up myself."

Katniss chuckles, but sobers as she looks to Johanna, whose newly black-lined eyes contain fresh pain. "Sure, no problem. If you're okay with it. I don't want t-to hurt you."

Johanna smirks. "The pain and the company is purely voluntary."

...

They sit and eat in near silence, only conversing in short tones about training. They discuss their mutual respect-cum-hatred for Soldier York, their indignation at being in a lower class, and their mutual hope of going to the Capitol during the last stage of the rebellion.

"Do you think they'll let me go with you?" Johanna asks, tearing a piece of her bread and pushing it into her mouth.

Katniss nods. "I think if you and I can get into the higher training class you can. I can talk to Soldier York for you. I mean, the only reason you're weren't at Two is because of me."

Johanna sighs, running her fingers through her hair. It had gotten a little long since moving to Thirteen, and she was itching to cut it. But for now she was content to let it lay over her shoulder and play with the ends. "I don't blame you for that. It isn't your fault Snow's a sadistic motherfucker."

The younger girl winces. "I didn't know they'd use me as a weapon. I didn't know what they were going to do." Johanna's fingers rub her temple and Katniss pauses. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No." Johanna smiles weakly at her. "I want you to keep going. I know Volts thinks he can cure me but I think I'd do a better job by myself at this point. I've been here for months and I'm no closer to knowing who you are than when you walked into my room."

Katniss looks down at her plate sadly. "Nothing?"

Johanna can't help the string pulling in her heart in seeing Katniss so sad. But with no reason behind it, it seemed ludicrous. Like crying at a stranger's funeral. She leans forward, placing her hand underneath Katniss' chin and pulling her face up to meet her gaze. "I remember some things..." Johanna says, her thumb tracing Katniss' chin.

The flush of red that creeps up Johanna's neck makes Katniss' lips quirk upward in a small smile. "What do you remember?"

Johanna frowns, pulling her hand away and settling it in her lap. "A few bits here and there. It's less what I can _see_ than what I remember _feeling_. But I can't place you there, so my stinking brain puts someone else there most of the time. So I have a lot of memories I can't make any sense of." Katniss' chin drops to her chest, her hands fiddling in her lap. Again Johanna reaches over and places her hand on her cheek, gently pulling her face upward. "But I want to. I want to fix whatever they did to me. Will you help?"

Katniss nods. "Of course."

* * *

After convincing Haymitch, Soldier York and Plutarch, Johanna and Katniss finally get into the higher level training class with Gale, Holly, Peeta and Finnick. They train together every day, taking all meals together and encouraging each other as much as possible. Coin informs them that within a week they should be leaving for the Capitol, so the three girls must take their individual assesment within a few days.

Of course, all of the above is put on pause for the celebration of Annie and Finnick's wedding. Plutarch somehow convinces Coin to allow them to decorate, to have cake, to drink and dance, even though Thirteen hasn't seen a celebration since long before the Dark Days. They will make a propos, showing the Capitol, and President Snow, how happy and resilient both the Victors and the residents of the rebellion are.

...

Holly pops into Johanna's compartment before the ceremony, smiling at the dark-haired girl who is applying heavy layers of eye-liner in the mirror. "How's it going, Jo?"

Johanna looks at Holly in the reflection, nodding her head. "It's going." She briefly up-and-downs Holly, whose deep burgundy dress perfectly offset her blonde hair and cerulean eyes. Her lipstick is a ruby red as well, curling up into a lopsided smile.

"Any luck with Katniss?"

Johanna's lips fall from a smile into a line. "I can hear her name without wanting to drown myself, so that's a start." Holly sighs and Johanna turns, straightening out her own black dress. "We sit together every night and she goes through some of the memories I have. Usually I get too exhausted and pass out. But I think it's helping."

Holly smiles brightly. "Well that's good. Because this mopey version of you is a real fuckin' drag." Johanna walks forward and punches her playfully in the arm. Holly extends her arm out, and Johanna curls hers around it. "Shall we?"

...

The celebration is a smashing success. Finnick and Annie are over the moon, tucked into an intimate corner somewhere away from the revelers. The rest of Thirteen - especially those from Twelve - dance well into the night, drinking smuggled liquor and listening to someone from Twelve expertly play the fiddle.

Johanna watches from the fringe of the room, leaning her back against the wall. She watches Katniss through the night - dancing with Finnick, with Peeta, even with Prim in a moment of pure jubilation. Even stick-in-the-mud Coin seems to have a genuine smile on her face. Haymitch comes up beside her, handing her a flask. She looks at him a moment and he nods. She takes a swig of the liquor, grimacing at the sharp taste. "Well that is just straight fucking gasoline."

Haymitch laughs, taking an easy pull from the liquor. "You get used to it."

"I bet."

They continue to watch everyone dance in silence, taking in the only bit of happiness any of them have had in months. Possibly years. Gale emerges from the crowd, bowing to Johanna. "May I have this dance, Miss Mason?"

Johanna quirks her eyebrow, looking over at Haymitch. He shakes his head and laughs, tucking his flask into his pants. She turns back to Gale. "Can you dance, Hawthorne?"

"My dance card was _always_ full in Twelve." He smiles handsomely at her, and she takes his hand. He leads her out onto the dance floor, and they begin dancing a jaunty, fast-paced waltz they learned as children for celebrations in Twelve. The feeling was so familiar, the moves so well-choreographed, that Johanna lost herself in the revelry.

Soon she realizes they had been joined by three more couples. Holly and Finnick, Delly and some boy Johanna didn't know the name of, and Katniss and Peeta. The tune changed, and a familiar square dance tune was begun. The Twelve residents knew it well - two groups formed two lines, and you danced with the person across from you. After a few measures of dancing, you were switched with another partner. It was hugely popular at weddings there. Holly and Finnick looked lost, but assembled with the rest of the group anyhow.

Johanna and Gale began the dance, hands clasped together, his arm wrapped around her waist, and their feet moving in a smooth rhythm. The tell-tale trill on the fiddle indicated they were to switch partners and they did. Johanna moved to the boy she didn't know, and Gale to Holly. Eventually almost everyone in the room was dancing, laughing as they continued switching partners and meeting people they might not know. Thirteen didn't allow a lot of time to really _see _someone, just some pleasantries in passing.

Johanna barely had time to look up when she realizes whose arms had wrapped around her waist and was leading her in a dance. But one look down into the gold-lined grey eyes and she knew. _Katniss_. She smiled down at her, enjoying the press of Katniss' body against hers. "Where did you learn to lead?"

Katniss smiles. "My father taught me." Johanna looks up from her, and can make out Mrs. Everdeen in the distance, being cajoled onto the dance floor by Finnick. Eventually she accepts and they fluidly glide onto the dance floor. She looks happy. Everyone looked happy. Johanna felt happy, too.

"Well he was good, you're a natural." They ignored the trill of the fiddle and continued dancing together, unable to tear their eyes away from each other. The pain in Johanna's head was there, but she forced herself to push it down. She was enjoying this moment too much for it to be over so soon.

She must've worn her conflict on the outside, because Katniss narrowed her eyes in concern. "Is everything okay?"

Johanna nods, pressing her hand more firmly onto Katniss' back as they danced. "Everything's fine, _brainless_," she replies, giving Katniss a smirk. It feels so familiar, so right, to be holding Katniss like this. The way their bodies fit, it was like putting on a well-worn leather boot. Snug and warm.

Gale and Peeta end up near Katniss and Johanna, holding their hands out for the girls to dance with them. But neither girl can see anything passed the other. Gale looks at Peeta, extending his hand. Peeta shrugs and takes it, leading Gale around the room, much to the delight and laughter of everyone around them. Only at the raucous laughter do Katniss and Johanna break their intense stare-down, watching the two men prance around the room.

Johanna steps away from Katniss, ducking her head. Katniss smiles shyly at her. "Thanks for dancing with me."

"Anytime," Johanna replies, taking her lower lip in her mouth. It was the longest she had seen, touched or heard Katniss' voice without having a mental breakdown. She watches as Finnick takes Prim on the dance floor, the younger girl looking red with embarrassment. Katniss giggles at the sight, and Johanna can feel her heart melt a little at the sound. Katniss' laughter.

Johanna's head is swimming from the liquor, and throbbing from being so close to Katniss. "Do you wanna get out of here?" she asks, leaning down to whisper in Katniss' ear. She can feel the girl shudder at the contact, and the barely disguised desire in Katniss' eyes bores into her. It sends an unexpected thrill down her spine.

"Okay."

...

They each return to their respective compartments, changing into sleeping clothes. Katniss returns to Johanna's room, smiling as she sees the older girl sleepily waiting for her on the bed. She sits on the mattress with her, their backs flush against the wall, both exhausted and partially hungover from the party that was still going on strong outside their door.

Johanna turns on her side, laying down so her head is in Katniss' lap. The brunette inhales a sharp breath, very gingerly stroking Johanna's long black hair. Johanna snuggles into Katniss' leg, tucking one arm underneath her thigh, the other around her calf. They sit in silence for a while, for what seems like hours. The revelry dies down outside their door, just the off-key singing of a few drunk men. Possibly Gale and Peeta, as a matter of fact. "Everyone had such a good time," Katniss says softly. "I'm happy for Finnick and Annie."

"Me too. I hope Snow watches these videos," Johanna snarls, her body tensing. "I hope he watches them and he can't get the image of how happy we all are out of his head." Katniss continues stroking Johanna's hair, feeling the older girl relax into the touch. "You know, I'm always expecting there to be this big spark."

"Hm?"

Johanna curls into herself a little more, pushing away the pain inside her head. "When I remember you. I keep thinking it's going to come back to me like a tidal wave. Just one day I'm going to remember everything. Like lighting a match in a dark room. Sometimes it happens. I'll remember something so clearly, but then I'll get one of those stinking headaches and it goes away. I keep trying to find it but it feels like I drift away." She turns on to her back, looking up into Katniss' eyes. "But maybe it's not like that, you know? Maybe they'll slowly reveal themselves to me. I wish I had more patience."

Katniss chuckles softly, leaning her head back against the wall. "I don't expect things to go back to normal overnight. I don't expect anything, really. I'm just happy we can be in the same room now."

Johanna smiles sadly. "You love me a lot, don't you?"

Katniss nods. "More than you'll ever know, even if you remembered everything."

* * *

**A/N: Okay I will give you this tiny bit of happiness before I pass out because it is 1am here and I've got to be up in like 5 hours. Chapter title from "To a Stranger" by Walt Whitman. **


	12. Your Love is the Barrel of a Gun

_Your love is the barrel of a gun / So tell me, am I on the right end? / I could be nothing but a memory to you. / Don't let this memory fade away._

* * *

Johanna's eyes open slowly, blinking the sleep from within them. Instead of waking up in a cold sweat and her head throbbing, she's being gently held with strong, slender arms. Someone's soft breathing is hitting her neck, warming the area with each exhale. She peers down her nose and the night before comes flooding back to her. The party. The dancing. Katniss holding her while she rested. Falling asleep together.

While she couldn't quite place Katniss in the right places at the right time, she was slowly starting to realize why she must've loved her. She was sweet, and fierce, and so incredibly attractive that Johanna was often distracted about how Katniss looked with her clothes off. Part of her could see it, see her body, hear her whimpers and her gasps, but it wasn't the same. The desire to have her wholly was mostly what drove her to pull these memories.

**BAM**. Another memory hits Johanna like a sledgehammer. Katniss the night after her Games, asking her to stay in the bedroom and hold her while she slept to keep the nightmares away. She forces her head back onto the pillow, squeezing her eyes as the digging pain of disjointed memories prods at her. Silent tears spill out the sides of her eyes, one falling on Katniss' forehead. The younger girl blinks, lets out a quiet yawn as she places her fingers to her forehead and wipes the wetness. She looks at it - almost expecting blood - and narrows her eyes.

When she looks up and sees Johanna's eyes closed, but tears streaming down the sides of her face she wants to brush the tears away. To kiss them and taste the saltiness on her skin, but she can't. Katniss immediately detangles herself from Johanna, whose eyes snap open as she feels the comforting weight leave her body. "Am I hurting you? Do you want me to leave?"

"No no. After you won your Games, did I ...did I sleep with you?" Katniss lets out an uncharacteristic chortle and Johanna purses her lips. "Pervert. I came into your room because you were screaming. I practically had to fight Peeta off." Katniss smirks. "I came in and I talked to you. Real or not real?"

"Real," Katniss said brightly. "Do you remember?" Johanna nods. "You told me about your dad. About the metalworking. I fell asleep and when I woke up, you were there with me. Holding me."

Johanna smiles sadly. "I remember. I can see it." She sits up in her bed, turning to face the brunette. "I can see it and I can feel it. Feel how much I -" Her gaze lowers to the ground, almost embarrassment. "...how much I loved you."

She returns the smile, tucking some of Johanna's hair behind her ear. The urge to kiss her is as inescapable as the urge to breathe. But this small amount of progress, this tiny step towards maybe getting _her _Johanna back, halts her movements. Johanna senses it and removes herself from the bed, rubbing her temple. "I'm sorry. I can't. I can't do this yet. It's hard.. I have all these feelings for you I can't sort out. If we're being fucking honest, I _want_ you so bad." Katniss blushes and ducks her head. "When you walk into the room, I just feel different. But the _need _...how did we ever get anything done? I can't see you for more than a few seconds before I want to rip your clothes off."

Katniss laughs, standing up and stretching off the bed. "We couldn't because of Snow. Because he wanted the Districts to think Peeta and I were together. You had to stay back. But when I realized I failed..."

"You took me into the room at the mansion!" Johanna fills in excitedly. "Well I'll be fucked. I thought that was Holly and I. But it was you and I. Holly was that other time in the bathroom, but that was you. Real?"

Katniss narrows her eyes at Johanna's admission about Holly, but she's too overjoyed at seeing Johanna remember her to care. They could sort that out after. "Real," she confirms. "Does it hurt you to remember that?"

"Oh man like you wouldn't believe but I don't care. It's the first time I've been able to put the right memories with the right feelings." She steps forward, pulling Katniss into a tight embrace. The smell of her - smoke and sandalwood - jolts Johanna back as another memory fights to right itself. "Sorry," she mumbles. "Another flashback."

"It's okay. I should get going anyway. We'll be late for individual assessment and Soldier York will have a baby." Katniss walks toward the door, twisting the handle slowly. She looks back at Johanna over her shoulder, smiling at her fondly. "Thanks for letting me stay here."

Johanna returns the smile. "Anytime."

...

The five Victors plus Gale sit in the waiting room, each deep in their own thoughts before their assessments. "Soldier Everdeen." Katniss looks up toward the voice, standing from her seat next to Gale. She clenches and unclenches her fists in a vain attempt to steady her nerves. Gale stands, pulling Katniss into a hug.

"Good luck, Catnip." She smiles at him, waving to the group before disappearing into the assessment room.

Johanna can't help but glare a little in Gale's direction. Of everyone, he had been the most insistent when he came into her room. He was always pressing her to remember things. But when he was around, she could only feel green with jealousy. It was nearly the same when Peeta would talk to her as well. She knew it was stupid and counter-productive, but she was always a slave to her impulses.

"Odair, you're next."

Finnick stands from his seat, trying to physically shake out his nerves, bouncing on his feet and shaking his hands. His friends urge him on, smiles on their faces. He plasters a smile on his own and marches into the individual assessment room.

"What do they do in there?" Holly asks, tucking her hair behind her ear. She fiddles with the dark-rimmed glasses the hospital had given her because the heat had damaged her vision a little. She was still uncomfortable wearing them.

"Street fighting, usually. To see how well you respond under pressure, if you can follow directions. They tailor it specifically to each person's strengths and weaknesses, so it'll be different for each of us. I'm sure for Finnick they'll do something long-rage. He's not a great sharpshooter so they'll maybe have some snipers or something. And then a section of hand-to-hand so he can show off his trident skills." Gale looks over to Holly. "Why? Nervous?"

Johanna raises an eyebrow. "Really, Hawthorne? You're going to ask a girl who has chopped off heads if she's nervous about some virtual playground?" Holly chuckles. "She's going to fly through this. We all are. And we're going to pound down Snow's front door, and Katniss is going to put a fucking arrow through his heart. And then I'm going to sleep for like a year."

"Me too," Peeta agrees with a nod of his head. "Sleep and paint."

Gale scoffs. "Yeah let's just let all the rest of Panem put the country back together. Put our homes back together," Gale admonishes gruffly, shaking his head.

"Don't you get high and mighty now, Hawthorne. Just because your plan killed a couple people sucking the Capitol's teat doesn't mean you are in the same boat as the rest of us." Johanna glares over at him. "You didn't have to kill people with your own two hands. You didn't get strapped to a fucking table in the Capitol and have someone light the room on fire. Or dig into your brain and destroy your only happiness. So yeah, if I want to take some time off and enjoy my life, I'm going to. And I won't let some fucking glorified turkey hunter get in my way!"

As Gale and Johanna get menacingly closer, Holly takes a step in between them, facing Johanna. She places a hand on Johanna's chest. "Relax, Jo. He wasn't attacking anyone. He made a good point. There will be still a lot to do if this is successful. And at this point, that's a big if."

"Hawthorne." A voice from behind them commands, and Gale turns on his heel, leaving without saying goodbye. Johanna settles back into her seat, Holly next to her, her arm wrapped around the trouble girl.

"What the hell was that all about?" Holly asks, barely hiding a smirk. "You like Gale. You know he didn't mean anything by what he said. Why did you just go for his throat like a rabid dog?"

"Oh shut up, Four Eyes," Johanna teases, nudging the blonde with her shoulder. Holly blushes, self-consciously moving her glasses farther up the bridge of her nose. "I just don't like how he thinks he's in charge. We're the Victors here. He needs to know his place."

"I'm sure it has nothing at _all _to do with his history with Katniss." She receives an icy glare from Johanna which confirms her theory. "Chill out, Jo. That ship has sailed. The _Mockingjay _only has eyes for you." Peeta nods his head to confirm Holly's words, but Johanna just crosses her arms.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it. At least he can remember her," she mumbles. "I just get all these stupid pieces to put together and these _fabulous _headaches. Go me."

Holly rubs her back in circles, halting only as she hears her name called. "Here goes nothing." She walks toward the room, where the man tells her something in a low voice. Holly grumbles, tucking her glasses into her pocket. She takes a large pair of goggles from the soldier, putting them over her head. She looks toward Johanna and Peeta, who both are not even attempting to stifling chuckles. "Not a fucking word," Holly warns, taking the rifle from the soldier and walking into the assessment room.

* * *

The group reassembles with Haymitch and Soldier York, each of them receiving their positive assessment results. "Good," Haymitch says. "Plutarch wanted as many Victors going as possible. And all of you are going."

"And of course you are conveniently left out of that equation," Johanna jabs, poking Haymitch with her elbow.

Haymitch glares at her. "As many young and attractive Victors as possible." Johanna closes her mouth, nodding. "You'll all leave first thing in the morning. So I suggest you get some sleep. It's going to be a long couple of days. Boggs will give you instructions on the hovercraft on the way over." He smiles at the jubilant men and women. "Congratulations. I'm proud of you guys." They begin to disperse, but Haymitch calls to them. "Katniss, Johanna, hang back a second."

The two girls stay put, turning to face their former Mentor. Plutarch emerges from another room, tailed by Octavia. The older man smiles at them, clapping Johanna on the back. "Great job passing the assessments. You all did so well."

Johanna raises her eyebrow. "And..?"

He sighs. "I was hoping you'd be up for doing a live propo." Johanna furrows her brow at him, placing her hands on her hips. "After the footage of you both dancing at the wedding went out, people want to see more of you. Both. They've fallen in love with the _new _star-crossed lovers from Twelve. We think it might help rally the troops to see you two, um, together." He looks to Johanna. "Assuming you're feeling up to it?"

Johanna looks to Katniss, whose eyes are enlarged with fear. She shrugs. "Sure, why not? If it'll piss in Snow's cereal, then by all means."

Plutarch claps his hands together. "Wonderful. We're going to try and get Finnick and Annie to do this with you. Show the President the unbreakable love between the four of you."

Octavia leads them into another room, handing them their scripts. Johanna looks over it, grimacing. "This is so lame." Octavia snorts. Johanna levels her eyes at the woman. "Really, you expect me to say this? This sounds like something the baker would say. Not me."

"I've been doing this a long time," Octavia responds coldly. "Just read the script."

"Whatever." Johanna glares at her, tossing the script on the ground in front of them. Finnick and Annie walk in not long after, hand in hand. Johanna smiles at them. "Hey guys. Welcome to the love-in."

Finnick laughs, wrapping his arm around Annie's waist. He leans in conspiratorially toward Johanna. "We're not going to read this, are we?" Johanna shakes her head. "Good, because this was garbage."

Katniss stands like a stone next to Johanna, her eyes fixed on the camera. Johanna looks down at her, focusing her eyes on the nervous girl. "Hey," she says softly, taking Katniss' hand in her own. She entwines their fingers, gripping the younger girl tightly. "We are gonna say whatever we want. So let's just go for it, okay? Don't worry about my stupid brain, or the camera, or the lovebirds over there. It's just you and me, okay?"

The camera goes on and Finnick greets the people of Panem, his smile wide and his dimples deep. He thanks them for their well-wishes on his marriage, squeezing Annie tightly. He goes into a long oration on love, then looks toward Johanna and Katniss. "Now I'm sure you're all tired of my voice. So I'll let Johanna and Katniss speak for themselves. Ladies?"

Katniss stares at the camera, unprepared. She is about to open her mouth to speak her lines when Johanna beats her to it. "I haven't spoken to you all since I got here. Want to know why? Because I've been really freaking pissed off." She inhales slowly, trying to calm herself. She wills herself not to look at Octavia, who is practically flailing, begging for her to stick to the script. "We aren't allowed a lot of happiness in Panem right now, are we? Snow makes it so we have as little of it as possible. It's as precious of a commodity as gems and gold. As a Victor, I could have filled each of your homes with gems and gold if I wanted. But never, ever could I have filled it with happiness. I couldn't have filled a thimble with happiness."

She looks to Katniss, smiling at her fondly. "And then I met Katniss. This kind, fearless girl you've all come to love. The girl who without hesitation volunteered to die for her sister, who without thought protected her family and all of Panem through her _friendship_ with Peeta. And who pulled me from a life of pointless solitude and gave me the purest, most wonderful love that I could live a hundred lifetimes and not be worthy of." Johanna sucked in a deep breath, pushing down the pain inside her skull. "And then Snow took her from me. He violated me; stole the light from my life by removing my memories of Katniss." Johanna laughs, leveling her darkened eyes at the camera's lens. "Yeah, that's right. Imagine every happy memory you've ever had ...poof, gone. What would you live for?"

Johanna clenches her free fist, then runs her fingers through her hair. "You would think that she would have given up on me. She could choose anyone in Panem to be with, why waste her time with someone who can barely remember how they met?" She pauses. "But she didn't. She never gave up on me, even when I gave up on us both. I'm not as strong as she is. But with her strength, Snow, I remembered _everything_." She tightens her grip on Katniss' hand. "We have something that Snow could never take from us. What he can't take from all of you out there fighting for your lives." She smiles. "Hope. And with that, a promise. That when we topple this tyranny, and we will, I will be able to try and give Katniss the life she deserves."

The older girl turns to Katniss, whose glassy eyes are full of a cocktail of mixed emotions. She bends down on her knee, her grip unrelenting on Katniss' hands. She smiles up at her, hoping the throbbing pain in her head wasn't apparent in her eyes. "When all this is over, and we stand on new ground - six feet above Snow - will you marry me?"

Octavia audily gasps. Haymitch crosses his arms and grimaces. Katniss knows she can't leave too much of a pause, so she nods. "Yes." She puts on the largest, most genuine smile she can. She pretends this is for real. That Johanna does remember everything, that this volatile, wonderful girl really would (or could) marry her. She wants this moment to be real with every fiber of her being, but by the pain in Johanna's eyes, she knows it isn't. She lets herself get lost in the moment and throws her arms around Johanna, pulling her in for the hardest, fiercest kiss she had ever given or received. She releases her grip on Johanna's hand, tangling her fingers in her hair. How long has she waited to kiss Johanna again? How many nights has she cried in her bunk, just for the chance to feel what she's feeling now?

What a stab to the heart that, just like everything else she's done in the past year or so, it's for a camera. And not for her.

"Cut!" Plutarch calls, and Johanna nearly flies backwards, falling until Finnick catches her in his arms. He steadies her on her feet as she moves her weight back and forth woozily. Plutarch walks over, placing his hand on her shoulder. "That was amazing, Johanna. Better than anything I could have ever dreamed. If that doesn't light a fire in Panem, I don't know what will."

"Glad I could be useful," Johanna groans, rubbing her temples. When her vision finally clears, Katniss is nowhere to be found.

From Johanna's worried look Haymitch shakes his head. "You go find her. And you better have a damn good apology planned."

...

After shaking down a few guards, Johanna finally finds Katniss deep in the woods on the edge of Thirteen. When she finally comes upon the jacketed figure, she lightens her steps. Katniss is focused, her bow drawn, pointing at something Johanna can't quite see from her vantage point. Her own footsteps become silent as she comes closer to Katniss.

Without warning the arrow flies forward, piercing whatever was hiding in the woods. The body landed with a small thud against the sodden ground as Katniss slowly lowered her bow. "What are you doing out here?" Katniss asks, not bothering to turn around. She had sensed Johanna before Johanna had sensed her. She walks toward her fresh kill, a large rabbit, and pulls the arrow out, returning it to her quiver.

"Oh you know, just taking in some fresh air." Katniss turns, leveling her gaze at Johanna. The older tries not to be bothered by the intense hatred she can see in Katniss' eyes. But more than hatred, the deep disappointment that made her grey eyes deepen into a murky green is what rattles her. "I'm here to find you, brainless. I almost had to bribe the guards to tell me where you were. You've got them wrapped around your finger, huh?"

Katniss shrugs, picking up the rabbit and tying it to her belt. "Whatever. You should be getting some rest. We have a big day tomorrow. Who knows how much more sleep we'll get?"

Johanna rolls her eyes. "Katniss, look, I -"

"Spare me the apology, please." Johanna stalls, looking at the shorter girl. "I know why you said it. Why you ...asked me that. It's not the first time I've ever been proposed to for fun," she mocks, her angry gaze diverting to the ground.

"I didn't mean to catch you off guard. I just thought it would help. I should have ...considered your feelings."

The other girl grits her teeth, her jaw clenching. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. You don't need to tip toe around me like I'm a child. Like I told you, I understand why you said it."

"That doesn't mean I should have."

"Well it's done now, isn't it?" Katniss walks passed her, a small trickle of blood falling from her fresh kill on her belt. "See you tomorrow, Johanna."

* * *

Everyone is eerily quiet on the way to the Capitol. They land the hovercraft safely outside the rebel encampment, traveling the next six miles on foot to the place where they can set up camp. In what was probably intended as a show of compassion, Johanna and Katniss are assigned a tent together.

"I can switch with Finnick, if you want," Johanna suggests.

Katniss raises her eyebrow. "Want to shack up with your girlfriend again?"

Johanna blinks slowly. "Okaaaay, I can switch with Holly then. Or the baker. Or Gale." Katniss doesn't respond and Johanna's wafer-thin patience is spent. "Whoever the fuck you want, then!"

"No, it's fine. Don't do me any favors." Katniss stubbornly crawls into their tent, pushing herself into the sleeping bag and hoping that if she tried hard enough, sleep would just magically fall over her.

It doesn't.

...

She lies awake, listening to the steady breathing of Johanna in the sleeping bag next to her own. But the random, rapid succession of breaths Johanna takes reveals to her that she's not entirely asleep. "Hey Katniss?"

Katniss sighs. "Yes?"

"Don't you think it's a little stupid to send almost every living Victor into a combat zone?" Katniss doesn't respond so Johanna turns over on her side, propping her head up with her hand, resting on her elbow. "I mean, we are the last links to the old regime. In this tent right here are two of the biggest symbols of the rebellion. Peeta and Gale being the others. Even Finnick, I guess. Why place _all _of us in danger?"

Katniss turns over to face her. "You don't think..."

"That's _exactly _what I think. I think Coin wants us dead. I know Boggs has that hologram of the mines, but I mean...this is uncharted territory. We've done our duty, uniting the Districts in rebellion. Now we're expendable. Why not just let us wait it out in Thirteen?"

"Well Gale wanted to go. So did Peeta, I think."

"Yeah but not you. Not me. Not Holly. Definitely not Finnick, what with Cresta waiting back in Thirteen, probably off her ass by now." Johanna narrows her eyes. "She knows that you only tolerate her. And I outright think she's a bitch. We're threats."

"Then I guess we die here," Katniss responds, turning over onto her back again. She places her hands under the back of her head. "We go out as martyrs and they can tell our tale when we're gone. The girl on fire and the girl who lit her flame."

Johanna laughs, followed by Katniss' soft chuckles. "That was so horrible you should tell Octavia immediately. She'll love it." Katniss laughs a little harder, placing her hand over her mouth as to not wake the others. "We both know that one of us is going to put Snow in the ground. We have to live at least until that. And then President Ice Queen can do whatever the hell she wants. But the question is, how do we do that when we're essentially out here as decorative chess pieces?"

"I've been trying to figure that out. I guess we'll have a clearer idea when we can get closer to the Capitol. For now, we should try and sleep."

The girls fall into a silence, each of them trying to force herself into a deeper slumber. They only had about three hours to sleep anyhow. "Oh fuck it." Johanna shuffles over, wrapping her arms around Katniss. The younger girl stiffens, but then slowly relaxes into the embrace. "Sorry," Johanna mumbles into Katniss' neck, burying her nose in the other girl's hair. "I'll never sleep otherwise."

Katniss smiles in the darkness. "Me either."

* * *

Both girls are in much better spirits the next day as the group continues through the booby-trapped streets of the Capitol. Katniss had never seen much of the streets here. It had the sad decay of what was once probably very beautiful. Brightly colored edifices crumbling, revealing the dark cement beneath. The other Victors, except Peeta, seemed a little more familiar with the layout of the streets. Gale was lost, but as a good hunting partner, he never seemed unsure of his steps.

While Coin may have intended them to be expendable, they were probably the best hunting pack in the country. Five former Hunger Games Victors, one excellent foot soldier in Gale, Boggs and Jackson, and Castor and Pollux. No other troop, no matter how trained, would be as alert as they were.

Until Boggs steps on the mine.

Fire shoots all around them, blood splattering all over the street and nearby walls. Someone screams - probably Holly - and Peeta and Gale hold their weapons up. Another mine blows up nearby, emitting a yellow smoke. A large wall of black tar begins rushing down the street. "Get inside!" Jackson commands, pushing everyone into a nearby apartment building.

Katniss kneels next to Boggs, who is sputtering, trying to speak. Johanna, knowing she can't get Katniss to move, simply waits by their side. He switches the Holo's command to Katniss before his eyes roll back in his head. Johanna lifts her by the collar, dragging her inside as the yellow smoke and black ooze descends upon the street.

They stumble into the apartment, slamming the door closed behind them. "Give me the Holo," Jackson orders, her gun pointed toward Katniss.

Johanna steps in between them. "Boggs transferred the command to Katniss. And if you point that weapon at her again I'll slit your throat before you can pull the trigger."

Jackson steps closer, but Johanna doesn't move. "Why would he do that? I'm the second in command, unless you've forgotten _that_ too, Soldier Mason." Johanna clenches her jaw, her fists balling at her side.

"Bad idea," Gale states from behind Jackson. She turns to see all the Victors with their guns trained on her. She backs up sideways away from Johanna. Castor and Pollux have their guns at their hips, clearly refusing to take a side.

"This is akin to mutiny."

Peeta rolls his eyes. Gale shrugs. "Might be. But Katniss has the Holo. And you are outnumbered."

"Outnumbered?"

"We trust each other," Holly states, her own gun trained on Jackson as well. "You're the outsider. I don't care whose orders you have. Katniss takes point. You take a backseat."

Katniss manages to fight down a proud smile. She clears her throat, stepping out from behind Johanna. She isn't fit to lead and they all know it. If anything, Gale should have the lead. She looks toward Jackson. "I don't know how to use this. Boggs said you would help me."

"Well I'm sure he didn't anticipate your friends all pointing guns at me."

Johanna takes the Holo from Katniss, handing it toward Jackson. "Drop the drama and fucking tell us how to use this before I lose my shit with you."

Jackson huffs. She pulls up the map of the streets with a few touches of the mechanism. "We can go out the back. A courtyard, a corner apartment, then a four-way intersection."

"And who knows how many more mines?" Peeta asks, rubbing some of the black ooze off his boot.

"I say we go back out the way we came," Katniss says, taking the Holo from Jackson and putting it back in her pocket.

"That's ridiculous," Jackson says. "It's a death trap."

"_Was_," Katniss clarifies. "It was a death trap. I think the ooze probably activated the mines."

Pollux makes motions with his hands and Castor nods. "Probably coated the security cameras. It's probably our safest bet."

...

When they finally make it out of the streets covered in black goop, they find a welcoming shopkeeper who recognizes the rebels. Tigris, her name is. Sympathetic to the cause. She leads them into her basement where they divvy up some supplies, and Gale tells them to sleep. He and Johanna take watch.

After watching the last of them fall asleep (the untrusting Jackson), Johanna sits on the plush carpet next to Gale. "So what's the plan?"

He looks toward the sleeping soldiers and sighs. "I have no idea what to do. I know Katniss' plan was to ditch everyone and take Snow on herself, but I don't know how well that'll work."

"The Capitol thinks we're dead anyway," Johanna reminds. "So does Coin. We at least have the element of surprise on our side."

"And the flood of refugees," Gale adds. "If we can somehow disguise ourselves, maybe you and Katniss and I can get into the mansion." He unfolds Katniss' paper map, now marked with enemy positions. "We can follow them to the mansion. You know it well enough to get us around?"

Johanna shrugs. "Finnick probably knows it better than I do, but I don't want him in more danger than necessary."

Gale cocks his brow, then nods. "Annie." He tucks the map back in his pocket, propping his elbows up on his knees. "They have an incredible love." Johanna nods. "I'm sure Katniss was pissed about your proposal. But I understand. I thought it was good."

She looks over to him, a bemused smile on her face. "Well gee, thanks Hawthrone."

He frowns. "Really. If I were in your position, I would have done the same thing." She knows his deeper meaning. If he was the one allowed to love Katniss, he would. He'd marry her and run away into the woods and have little sooty-faced, grey-eyed, brown-haired kids. Hunt together. Be friends and lovers. "I'm sorry if I was out of hand, back at the center."

"Don't worry about it. I lost my head. It gets confusing in here sometimes," she says, tapping on her temple. "I saw you as a threat. But I know better."

Gale snorts. "I _wish _I was a threat. To Peeta, I thought I was a threat. But the second I saw her look at you. When you," he swallows, "took the whipping for me. I've never seen Katniss so torn apart before. I figured maybe she'd pick me because, you know, comfort. We're friends. For a while, we could barely survive without each other. But after that, and the Quarter Quell, it's clear it's you she can't survive without. I never stood a chance."

"Well I am prettier than you." Gale shoves her in the shoulder, laughing good-naturedly. Johanna grins, but the cocky self-assurance fades when she lays her eyes on Katniss' sleeping form. Katniss looks so peaceful, so young when she sleeps. Not burdened with pain. The small creases in her forehead are smooth, her lips quirked upward in a small smile. "She's so pretty when she sleeps."

"Quiet, at least," Gale adds with a grin. Johanna nudges him gently. "But yeah, I agree."

"Don't go gettin' eyes on my girl, Hawthorne. There's a mess of them in every District waiting for you, okay?"

Gale sighs, leaning his head back on the wall. "They'll never be Katniss."

"You got that right."

* * *

Tigris helps disguise everyone, cloaking them in wigs and make-up. No one agreed to stay behind, but they did agree that Katniss, Gale and Johanna should be the ones to infiltrate the mansion. The rest of them will try and rally with more rebels, sneaking their way through the crowds of distressed Capitol citizens.

Johanna's hair is now a platinum blonde, a sparkling pink around her eyes instead of her signature black. Katniss giggles at the sight of her when Johanna turns, and her pink-stained lips turn into a frown. "This is very funny for you, is it?"

Katniss nods. "You look like a princess. It's cute."

Johanna rolls her eyes. "Yeah it's about to get real cute in here," she threatens menacingly, but Katniss laughs again. The older girl snarls and tucks her weapons away, and the three of them make for the door. There are no goodbyes. To admit that this may be the last any of these friends will see each other is too much to bear. They'll ignore it and hope for the best.

...

They make their way through the crowd, following the shouted directions that lead them toward the mansion. As they come upon it, Johanna scans the area. "God there has to be a hundred Peacekeepers. How are we going to get through?"

Gale's eyes narrow in the same way it does when he sets up snares. Calculating every possible movement. "We'll wait. Eventually some people are going to break down the doors. They will get antsy. We'll use that distraction to -" He doesn't finish as gunfire begins to rip through the crowd. The rebels on are the rooves, firing into the crowd at random. At children, women, everyone. Peacekeepers shoot back, and the trio try to get into a building. Johanna makes herself busy trying to get some children out of the way, while Katniss seems distracted by the group of medics receiving medicinal parachutes for the children.

She wants to yell for her, but calling her name will only draw attention. Katniss scales a pole, looking down into the crowd. Johanna looks to her left, where Gale is kicking down a door with his boot.

Time slows to a crawl. He cracks open the door, just as two Peacekeepers grab him by either arm and force him to his knees. Johanna quickly pulls out her machete, tossing it effortlessly into one of the mens' arms.. The man stumbles back, hitting the pavement with a thud. The other wastes no time, firing a single bullet into Gale's temple. Johanna screams. She lifts up her rifle, riddling the man with as many bullets as she can shoot. His body jerks and he falls onto the cement next to the other one, and Gale crumples to the ground.

An explosion. Johanna's peripheral vision is full of fire. She feels something like a tracker-jacker sting or a fiery pinch on her shoulder, with a force that knocks her to the ground. The heat washes over her and the smell of burning flesh, hair and cotton fills her nose. The last thing she sees before total darkness is Gale's bloodied face, eyes wide but empty.

* * *

**A/N: Apologies for length but I only finally just felt a moment to stop. I'm sorry... Things will eventually get better, I promise. Chapter title taken from All Time Low's "Memories That Fade Like Photographs."**


	13. If You Can Fill The Unforgiving Minute

_If you can dream and not make dreams your master  
__If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim,  
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster,  
And treat those two impostors just the same:.  
__If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken  
__Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,  
__Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,  
__And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools..._

* * *

Voices. It seems the only sense that isn't completely gone from Johanna is sound. But she can't discern between voices in her inner monologue, her dreams, or reality. The sounds drift in and out of her consciousness like clouds on a windy day. Katniss. Finnick. Mrs. Everdeen. Prim. Holly. Claudius Templesmith. Haymitch. Effie. Gale. Peeta. Her parents. Snow.

In what was later revealed to be two days later, Johanna finally manages to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds. The room she's in - a sterile white hospital room with blinking and beeping machines - makes her frown. It's not like the hospitals in Thirteen. They must still be in the Capitol. What a relief not to have missed the finale, Johanna thinks with a sneer.

She becomes aware of two things: one, a tingling pain at the base of her skull, and two, the warm feeling of weight on the right side of her body. She lifts her left arm, slowly tracing the source of the pain in the back of her head. She doesn't feel anything there, and when she uses a little pressure nothing happens. As her vision focuses, she looks to her right. _Katniss_. Her lips move into a painful smile, and she draws out her tongue to wet her lips. She pushes hair from the sleeping girl's face, revealing an ugly set of burn scars on her cheek. Her brows knit in concern.

Alarmed, her gaze moves down Katniss' body where other burn scars reveal themselves. Then she remembers the explosion. Gale. A painful lump forms her throat as she watches him die again in her brain. Watching his lifeless body fold to the ground like a discarded dish rag. His grey eyes staring into hers as she fell against the pavement. She is suddenly very grateful for the morphling in her arm. It isn't much, but it's enough to keep her from dreaming, clearly.

Katniss stirs against her and Johanna quickly wipes the few tears that had pooled in the corner of her eyes. The younger girl yawns, wrapping her arm tighter around Johanna's abdomen, shifting so she leans her head on Johanna's chest. "Comfortable?" Johanna asks, her voice a smoky whisper.

The younger girl jerks her head up, grey eyes searching Johanna's face. Johanna smiles, placing a small kiss on Katniss' forehead. She breathes a sigh of relief, nuzzling her head into the crook of Johanna's neck. "You're finally awake," she murmurs against Johanna's pale skin.

"How long have I been out?"

Katniss looks over at the clock. "About 49 hours, from what they tell me. I've been here only for the last 35."

_Only_, Johanna thinks with a smirk. "What happened?"

Katniss lets out a shaky breath. "The parachutes were a trap. They exploded as they landed, killing just about everyone in the medic's area. It was essentially the rebels' endgame."

"To kill children?" Johanna asks incredulously. "I don't think that's what we signed up for."

Katniss nods, not moving from her position on Johanna's chest. "The Capitol surrendered immediately. Coin is preparing for Snow's execution as we speak. Apparently _we _get the honors." Johanna raises her eyebrow. "Her words, not mine."

A silence falls between them and Johanna shifts uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about Gale." Johanna feels the wetness of Katniss' tears against her skin and her heart clenches. She should have done more. Reacted faster. He should have enjoyed a life after this. Johanna did not live with regrets - not since winning her Games, at least. But at that moment, she regretted every mean thought she had and mean word she had said to him.

"He knew the risks," Katniss says finally. "Everyone did."

"Who else?" Johanna manages in a whisper. Katniss doesn't answer. Johanna clenches her jaw. "Who else?" she repeats in a much clearer voice.

"Finnick." Johanna swallows the lump in her throat, but the tears fall freely from her eyes anyway. "Castor and Pollux, too. Peeta and Holly made it out. They weren't near the explosion."

"Why did you leave me?" Johanna asks, her voice thick with sadness. "I looked over - before the blast - and you were off somewhere."

"I thought I saw Prim." The older girl looks down at her and Katniss shakes her head. "I did see Prim. I got to her just before the parachutes went off."

"Is she - did she -"

"She's okay. She's in the intensive care unit still, but my mother is there. She says she's got a strong chance. Better than strong. Almost 100 percent." Johanna closed her eyes in relief. But Finnick. There was a stretch of time where he had been her only friend. The only person she could consider her family. And now all she would have are her memories of him. His sea-foam green eyes, his almost Adonis-like skin and physique, his self-deprecating humor, his unparalleled ability to love. She would never hear his laugh, feel his arms wrap around her, see him dive into the water. He was gone. Just like her parents; a distant memory that was too painful to recall, but too important to forget.

"So what's next? We kill Snow and then go home?"

Katniss shakes her head. "I don't know. Coin told me he's still alive, in captivity in the mansion somewhere. She said she'd make a public execution available, if that's what we wanted."

Johanna snorts. "Her final act of mercy on us before we finally see how she really feels about the leftover Victors."

* * *

When President Coin presents them with their choice, it's Peeta who is outraged first. Hold a final Hunger Games using only the Capitol's children, or wipe out the remaining citizens all together.

"Are you serious? This is exactly why we rebelled!" Peeta yells, standing up from his seat. Johanna takes him in for the first time in a while - his skin is burned, but not badly like Katniss or herself, but enough to be noticed. His limp is a little worse, but he props himself up with the table so as to appear stronger. "Absolutely not. I vote no."

Coin nods. "Okay, so that's one vote for no."

"I vote no with Peeta," Annie says quietly, running her fingers through her dark auburn hair. "And so would Finnick if he were here."

"But he's not here," Johanna mutters, "because Snow's people killed him." Annie winces and Johanna rolls her eyes. Her patience for Annie is thin as her grief is still too raw. "I vote yes. Snow has a granddaughter."

"I vote yes with Johanna."

Johanna glares over at Enobaria. "Don't even say my name. Who even let you in here?" Johanna looks to Coin. "Seriously, did you let her in here? She should be dead, too."

Coin looks unamused. "She was part of the Mockingjay deal. Katniss' cooperation in exchange for full immunity for all the former Victors." Johanna looks over to Katniss who stares down at the table. She looks back to Enobaria, who has a self-satisfied smirk on her face.

"Don't look so smug I'll kill you anyway," Johanna seethes, crossing her arms. Enobaria scoffs and looks away.

"So that's two votes yes, two votes no."

"I vote no as well," Beetee says, adjusting his glasses.

"I can't believe you guys," Peeta says. "After all the Games did to us. How they _ruined_ us. I can't believe you'd wish that on a bunch of children who had nothing to do with this."

Holly pushes her glasses up onto her hair. "I vote yes." Peeta stares at her with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, Peeta. you're right, it has ruined us. But I'll give up twenty-three kids in exchange for everyone else in this city. They don't all deserve to die."

"I vote yes as well," Katniss says finally. Johanna takes her hand on the table and squeezes it. She smiles briefly at her, then returns to gaze to Coin.

Haymitch shrugs, taking a long pull of his flask. "I vote with the Mockingjay. Yes."

President Coin nods. "So it's decided." Her steely gaze turns to Katniss and Johanna. "Have you decided how you'd like to proceed?"

"Yes."

...

The angry crowd pulsates around them as Johanna and Katniss approach Snow. The man who once commanded rooms just with his eyes is reduced to being tied to a pole, beaten with eyes sunken in. He looks older than Johanna remembers. No more Capitol medicine keeping him fresh any longer. He looks as haggard as she remembered him from her time in the Capitol being held prisoner.

Katniss stands a few feet away, her bow drawn and arrow pointed directly at Snow's throat. Johanna approaches the man, circling him like a bird of prey on a fallen creature. "You're not afraid of death, Snow, are you?" Johanna asks, glaring down at him. He shakes his head. "Of course you aren't. No use in torturing you. You have nothing to live for. Your children are dead, and your granddaughter?" His eyes flick up to her in a small show of anger. She smirks. "I'll kill her next," Johanna whispers into his ear.

Instead of being angry, Snow laughs. "Johanna, how long has Katniss been stringing you along for? Has it been since her first arena performance? Or since your dalliance in my bedroom?" Johanna laughs, but he continues. "Your speech for my benefit was quite moving. However, I know that your memories did not come back simply with Katniss' _love_," he says with derision. "That's now how it works. But think now, Johanna. Can you remember every moment of Katniss in your life?"

Johanna stops walking and looks at him. Her brain works quickly, but it hits her hard in the chest when she realizes ...she can. She remembers everything. No more headaches. No more missing pieces. It's all there. Her volunteering, her train ride, Games, Tour, Quarter Quell. Everything comes flooding back into her senses, but with a sinister familiarity. As if it was never really gone.

Snow chuckles again, coughing as he does so. "I wonder, Miss Mason, who told them to reverse the procedure, hm? Who _violated _you now?"

Johanna comes around behind the older man, giving Katniss a nod with her head. She brandishes a knife, grabs Snow by the chin, and digging deep into Snow's throat, slices him from ear to ear. She lets him go, her hands wet with his blood as his body hangs forward, choking.

With precision Katniss lifts her bow, sending the arrow flying deep into Coin's chest. The force knocks her backward, folding dead onto the balcony above the two Victors. Former Peacekeepers storm the two of them, the crowd dispersing in a panic. But when Katniss finally meets Johanna's gaze, there is no triumph there. Only confusion. Disappointment. And the glare of betrayal.

* * *

In the days of confusion that follow, Commander Paylor is given the title of President of Panem. An advisory committee is made up of other rebel soldiers, some former Victors and other prominent members of the country. Plutarch devises a system of representatives of each District - Peeta volunteers for Twelve, Holly for Seven. The others are practically chosen at random. But it seems hopeful.

As Katniss waits to hear if she will stand trial for Coin's murder, Johanna doesn't wait for her. She flies back to Twelve alone. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with her fresh memories, alone with her grief, alone with her betrayal.

The Victor's Village is practically untouched, Johanna notes as she walks through the decimated Twelve. She continues through the town, watching as new construction workers from all over Panem begin reconstructing her old home. After winding through what was left of the Hob, Johanna finally makes it back to her childhood home. Surprisingly, most of it is still standing. A few broken windows, one wall that's half caved-in, but otherwise still livable.

Johanna walks around the side, coming into the backyard she hadn't stepped foot in since returning from her Games. It seemed like another lifetime ago. When she was just an innocent teenager, plucked from a life of relative happiness and borderline poverty, into a death trap which only had a venomous white light at the end.

She was not even a shell of the same person she had been then. She was entirely changed. Her personality, her looks, her future. Everything was changed. Lost in her thoughts she found herself lighting the forge, the familiar smell of burning wood filling her nostrils. Her father's old tools were still laying around, left haphazardly in the yard. It was eerie how untouched it looked - as if any minute he'd come out of the back door, handing her a cup of cider and telling her a story of their metallurgic heritage over the flames.

What would he say, if he could see her now? Would he approve of the woman she had become? Probably not. He never would have approved of her sexual promiscuity, of her idleness when she visited Finnick, never of the excess she had indulged in after winning. He was a hard-working man. He appreciated people who never gave up, who put everything they had into what they did. Johanna did that, but she put her energies into destructive habits.

Almost without her consent, Johanna began slamming a leftover piece of iron with a hammer. The bright sparks flew from the metal, soaring into the sky and landing at Johanna's feet. Working at the forge had always helped her clear her thoughts when she was younger. She and her father would get into a silent rhythm, only broken when her mother would call them in to eat.

Katniss had them do a reverse procedure on her. She had let them dig inside her brain again, forcibly placing her memories back into her brain. The thought that Katniss would allow them to cut her open again made her sick. She was positively revolted. Maybe Snow had been playing mind games with her, but it all seemed too plausible. Why not? If it can be reversed, why not do so painlessly while she was asleep?

Because it was wrong. It was wrong of her to make that decision for them. For _her_. Johanna hadn't been in control of much since meeting Katniss. She wasn't in control of her emotions - everything was how it would affect Katniss, how she made her feel. She wasn't in control of her heart - it was in Katniss' hands, whether she liked it or not. And her future, well, that was well-deposited in Katniss as well. But her memories - the one thing she was feeling like she controlled, were not in her grasp anymore. Sure, they were in her mind, she owned them. And she remembered them just as she had before - the feeling of skin, the gasps of pleasure, the soothing words of love - but it was all tainted because she hadn't been able to choose their existence.

Of course, she would have consented in a moment. To be able to remember all of what she felt for Katniss and why, it was all she had wanted since her talk with Holly. The blonde girl knew how deep their connection was, and Johanna finally had realized it, too. Remembering that moment made Johanna cringe. She had practically attacked Holly, forced herself upon her. Not that the blonde had objected, but only because her desire and love for Johanna was worn very close to the surface. Johanna _knew _that. She had exploited it.

She definitely owed the blonde an apology. Just another guilt to hang on her clothesline of idiot moves.

Her body ached to be with Katniss again, in spite of her anger. She had spent her time in Thirteen feeling like a boat without oars. No, that wasn't accurate. She felt like someone had cleaved her entirely in half, leaving her to wander aimlessly, looking for the missing parts. Never once feeling wholly herself.

But now she had it. She remembered Katniss' love for her, and hers for Katniss. The deep longing she had felt watching Katniss play pretend with Peeta. The jealousy at their "engagement."

The engagement. She had _proposed_ to Katniss. What an utter fucking fool she had been. Exploiting Katniss' feelings for a stupid propo. That in the end, probably made no difference. And she knew it, somewhere, in the back of her mind. She could have read that script and just been done with it. But part of her ...well, all of her, had wanted to. Every word she spoke was true. It rang with clarity to her now, even though it had been muddled then. She _could _live one hundred lifetimes and not deserve an ounce of Katniss' adoration. Even this (what Johanna thought) to be a betrayal, had evidently been for her benefit. Not for Katniss'. The girl would have loved her anyway, even if the memories never came back. It had been for Johanna. So she wouldn't feel any more pain.

Now she felt triply stupid. For doubting Katniss, for leaving her there to face her fate alone, and for letting goddamn Snow make her think ill of the younger girl.

She began to work with more purpose at her creation. Night was falling steadily, but Johanna didn't mind. The cold never bothered her, not with the heat of the forge and the warmth of determination. She worked nearly all night, only pausing to retrieve stashed-away things she had hidden as a child. Her father would have tiny bits of precious materials - gems, gold, rare metals - and Johanna would greedily store them away. She'd take them out on a day when she was particularly melancholy, entranced by their beauty. Katniss had once told her that Peeta had a weakness for beautiful things. He did, and so did Johanna. Which is why they both fell so hard for Katniss.

* * *

Katniss sat nervously in an armchair at the Capitol, brushing her hands over her skin. The doctors had cleared up the rest of her burn marks, leaving her skin as flawless as it had been when her prep team had attended her. A few deep brown scars tainted her skin, but they were from various cuts and years of hunting. The burns had receded.

Her mind could barely process the words coming out of Plutarch's mouth. "Treason," "mental instability," "pardoned," were the only ones she had been able to grasp. Luckily Haymitch was there with her, nodding his head in understanding. Her look of utter confusion was glaringly apparently and Haymitch sighed. "You're being let go. No punishment. No jail."

Katniss blinked hard in surprise. No jail? She had almost come to be relieved by the prospect. Being in jail meant never having to hear the disappointment in Johanna's voice when she cut into her for authorizing the surgery. She had done it for Johanna's benefit, but she was sure that Johanna didn't take it that way.

She had violated her. She had let the doctors undo the damage of the tracker-jacker venom. Hell, she had practically almost killed one of them to make sure they had gone through with it. No one was in any position to argue with the country's "mockingjay" and they had consented to do the surgery while Johanna was still recovering from her burns and her bullet wound to the shoulder. But she had taken the choice from the other girl.

It, admittedly, had been partly selfish. Her life had been so thoroughly upended by losing Gale and almost losing Prim, that the thought of continuing to not have Johanna made her want to pop a nightlock pill and be done with it. Thinking on Gale and Finnick and their prematurely shortened lives, she knew better than to selfishly take her own.

Gale. Her grief had been tempered by Prim's desperate life-saving attempts when Haymitch had let her know. But when they had settled and she had found Johanna after her surgery, she allowed herself to grieve. To cry and shake with anger and the mixture of emotions that came with unfair deaths. Her mother poured all her strength into getting Prim better, and eventually into running the hospital with a homespun authority that nobody questioned.

Nobody had known exactly what happened. Only that they found Gale dead, flanked by two dead Peacekeepers. Johanna had been found in front of him, her already scarred back badly burned and a gaping bullet hole in her shoulder. The bullet had penetrated her muscles, but not hit any vital organs. A few hours of surgery later the bullet was removed, the tendons repaired.

But while the older girl slept, Katniss had wondered out loud of anything could be done about Johanna's missing memories. And of course, one doctor there had been present during Johanna's original surgery.

It was a tricky surgery, but not life-threatening. They had explained (in an excessive amount of detail) how in Johanna's sleep, her memories would resurface. But the tracker-jacker venom inserts itself when the brain reaches for her long-term memory, stalling the process. Unable to encode, the brain grabs any nearby memory and inserts them improperly in its place. They placed Johanna in a dream-like state, almost comatose, and drew out memories of Katniss. When the venom emerged from within her brain fluid to intercept, it was stopped by their antidote.

They worked on her for hours until they believed all the venom was gone. Successful they drew Johanna back into a normal sleep. _"She might have a few leftover memories to sort, but there should be no issue in retrieving them."_

In spite of her doctor's objections, Katniss stayed the next entire day with Johanna until she had awoken. Johanna had held her with such familiarity, such love, that Katniss knew the surgery had been successful. But she had been so blinded by her joy that she didn't even mention it.

Snow did. She had heard him, even over the crowd, egging Johanna on. And the look in Johanna's eyes when she gave her the cue to take out Coin as they had decided earlier, was fraught with disappointment and betrayal. _How could you__? _She had seemed to ask.

_Because I'm a selfish brat_.

...

Before Katniss could truly understand what was going on, she was being escorted onto a hovercraft bound for Twelve. Johanna had (rightfully so) left without her. Though she did feel a twinge of indignity that she hadn't waited for her.

_She thinks you raped her mind_, Katniss reminded herself. She had no right to feel indignant. Maybe Johanna would be forgiving. Maybe she would understand her motives. But probably not. The older woman was not known for her humility and patience. She was brash and impatient, things Katniss had come to sort of adore about her. However, in this instance, it would possibly be their undoing.

When they landed in the field in Twelve, her stomach moved with butterflies. How was Johanna going to receive her? Would she even be there to greet her? What if she hadn't even gone back to Twelve at all? Maybe she went to Four to grieve Finnick with Annie. Katniss resigned herself to that loneliness. She deserved to be left to stew in her own regret after what she had done.

Even if she had been pardoned by Paylor, she would be going to jail anyway, wouldn't she? Not a physical one in the Capitol, but a metaphoric one in her mind. A jail where she wouldn't be deprived of food or water. But instead deprived of what she actually desired to live: Johanna.

* * *

**A/N: Kind of a filler chapter, but necessary. Thank you all for the reviews and the new follows! I hope you're enjoying the story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. It's been a blast. I may not have time for updates in the next few days, but two within almost 24 hours should help, right? Chapter title taken from Rudyard Kipling's "If."**

**Apologies for any spelling errors...I'll go through it more thoroughly over the weekend.**

**Ah, and I had no intention of killing Prim. I already broke my own heart killing Gale and Finnick. Sooo you're welcome. :)**


	14. And I'm On My Way To Believing

_But darling, you are... the only exception._

* * *

Johanna's favorite time of day was dusk. In the meadows behind Twelve there was a small hill, one that just overlooked the top of the trees in which she would place herself and watch the slow death of the sun. She enjoyed the pinks and oranges and how they bled into the deep blue of the oncoming night like a painter's palette. She'd watch it as often as she could, enjoying the serenity of the area and the stillness of the sky. In Four she had enjoyed watching the sun set from a boat, the gentle rocking of the small canoe lulling her into dreamless sleeps. In Seven with Holly, she had liked swinging in hammocks between the trees, falling asleep surrounded by the smell of pine and burning firewood. But home ...home was this meadow, pungent with the smell of wildflowers and oak trees.

Today, however, she watched as a pure white hovercraft dipped below the clouds, appearing without a sound and disrupting her view of the setting sun. She stood from the ground, brushing the leaves from her jeans and watched as the two mismatched figures disembarked. As quickly as it had appeared, it took off back into the clouds, disappearing from view.

The gait of the two people was unmistakably Katniss and Haymitch. Katniss walked with her careful purpose, Haymitch more like an overgrown toddler. Johanna disappeared into the woods, making her way back toward the Victor's Village. She hadn't gone home in the short time she was alone, but she felt now was an appropriate time to try and get settled again. If she was going to confront Katniss, it wasn't going to be in her tranquil meadow.

...

The brunette stepped off the hovercraft, trying not to look too desperately around. Johanna was nowhere in sight. Of course, there was no way the older girl would have known specifically where the hovercraft would land, but this small meadow was a good bet. It was the only flat, unpopulated space in Twelve that wasn't a ruin. Surely Johanna knew that.

More than likely, the girl had just not wanted to see her. Haymitch put his arm around her shoulder knowingly, patting her arm with his hand. She nodded in thanks. She enjoyed getting to know Haymitch - they both shared a distaste for unnecessary dialogue and a love of solitude. Though as they parted wordlessly, Haymitch going to his home and Katniss to hers, she almost invited him in for drinks. She didn't want to be alone.

As she stepped on her threshold, she thought she saw a small light through the front window. Pushing the door open, she could see the small light faintly coloring the hallway toward the study. She fought a wave of fear and anticipation - could Johanna possibly have been waiting for her? Or is it something more sinister? She had felt like being pardoned was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can go, _but_ you have to be the Capitol's puppet for the rest of your life. She kept expecting the but.

As she gingerly walks toward the study, she wishes she had her bow. If it was a rogue Peacekeeper, or maybe a devoted Coin supporter from Thirteen, she was embarrassingly under prepared. Sucking in a deep breath, she enters into the study, pushing the door open. She reveals Johanna, feet propped up on the desk, a book open in her lap.

Their eyes meet and Katniss couldn't suppress the smile that fought its way on to her features. In spite of everything, the girl never failed to make Katniss smile, even when the moment was inappropriate. Like now.

"So they let you go, hm?" Johanna asks rhetorically, cocking her eyebrow. She flips the book in her lap closed, tossing it on top of the desk. She folds her hands in her lap, biting the inside of her cheek.

Katniss nods. "They let me go because I'm crazy." There is a brief pause before Johanna lets out a loud laugh, which spreads contagiously to Katniss as well.

"Crazy? You? Sure, the woman who wanted to murder innocent children, _she's _not crazy. But whatever, I guess, if it got you out of trouble." Johanna stands up from the seat, tracing her finger along the polished table top as she circles the side of the desk. "So what's the plan now, Katniss Everdeen? _Girl on fire_? _Mockingjay_?"

The brunette shrugs, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. She can't gauge Johanna's mood. It seems friendly enough, but she knew Johanna well enough to know the thick layer of false happiness she hid her rage behind. "I don't know. Prim and my mother are going to Four to help set up a new hospital. Peeta is in the Capitol with the other representatives, at least for now."

Johanna nods. "No need to hunt, what with food coming to the Districts every day now, though I'm sure you still will. No one to protect. No more Games. No more Snow. What's left?" The question has a sharp edge to it, Katniss feels it like a knife to the throat. It takes her by surprise, though. Johanna is wondering where they stand. She figured it would be her groveling, trying to figure out how to win Johanna's love back. But the sad way Johanna takes stock of Katniss' life, it's clear she's wondering where or if she fits anymore.

Before Katniss can respond, Johanna chuckles. "I guess I'll address the elephant in the room then, okay? I know you told the doctors to ...mess with my brain while I was out." Katniss can't help but wince as Johanna's words fall on her like a guillotine. The way she says them, so matter-of-factly and without emotion, it sends a chill down her spine. "And my memories are all back where they should be. No more headaches. No more blacking out. I mean, I guess I should be thanking you, shouldn't I?"

The sharpness of her voice makes Katniss look to the ground. She was expecting anger. She was expecting a full-blown rage, but this clinical detachedness with a small sliver of bitterness, she was not anticipating at all. She went for the most obvious response. "I'm sorry."

Johanna makes a noise of disgust. "You're _sorry_?" She looks around the room, then walks around to the front of the desk, propping herself up on it. "And what am I supposed to do with your sorry? Use _that _to erase the image of the one person on this planet I trust telling some doctor I've never seen that it's okay to dig into my brain? Because that brings back some memories I _wish _I could forget. Of being strapped to a chair and forced into unconsciousness, only to wake up confused with migraines." Her heated gaze settles to Katniss, pupils dilated in anger. "You know what they did to me?"

Katniss shakes her head. Johanna hadn't ever gone into detail about her torture in the Capitol. Katniss had never asked, selfishly working on trying to get Johanna to remember her instead. "They would show me pictures of you. Propos you were doing in Thirteen. Videos of your Game, of our Quell. They were testing out the venom, seeing if it worked. And it did. Seeing you was so intensely painful for a while. And my dreams, well, they were no help. I'd dream about you - not sure if by choice or be force - and I'd wake up in a blinding pain. Eventually, I stopped thinking about you all together. The memories were ...gone. They'd show me pictures of you and I had no idea who you were. I felt _nothing _for you."

Ouch. Katniss feels her heart clench as Johanna says the words to her. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Katniss, what if the surgery had gone wrong? What if they had wiped _all _my memories? Hm? Of my family, of Finnick, Annie, and Holly? Did you think about how ridiculously selfish it was for you to demand they return your memories to me? Did you think of _me _at all?" Johanna's voice had risen to a loud yell, filling the room with her anger.

Katniss isn't sure how to respond. She had thought about that. But she had also thought of how painful Johanna's process had become. It had seemed like she wanted to remember, she said so herself. "I took the risk because I thought you would have taken the same risk."

"You didn't leave me that decision to make. Do you understand how _used _I feel? Snow had taken control of everything I had, and then you took control of it, too. Left me with nothing. No choices."

"I'm sorry," Katniss repeats more insistently. "I thought I was doing what was right."

"You thought you were doing what was right for Katniss," she challenges, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No!" Katniss yells, striding up until she's standing in front of Johanna. Her chest heaving with coiled anger, her fists at her side. "You said you wanted to remember me, and I thought I was helping you. And yeah, I guess it was selfish because I wanted you to love me again. But I thought you wanted to love me, too."

Johanna shakes her head, reaching her hand up to gently tuck an errant strand of Katniss' hair behind her ear. "I never stopped loving you, brainless." Katniss looks up to her, eyes narrow in confusion. "Even when I couldn't remember you, I felt it. The same inescapable tug at my heart that I felt when I first saw you. The same rush in my blood I felt when you first kissed me," Johanna admits, a small blush creeping up her neck. "I kept feeling it but I didn't know why. It was like being on a train with no windows. You know you're going somewhere, but you don't know why or where. But not for a moment did I stop loving you."

"You said you didn't feel anything for me."

Johanna sighs, rubbing her forehead. "I ...said those things because I wasn't sure I'd ever recover. And it was no use for me to give you false hope if I never got my memories back."

Katniss lets out a small chuckle. "I only would have stopped trying if you had asked."

"You are pretty stubborn," Johanna retorts quickly, giving the younger girl a lopsided grin. She reaches down, taking both of Katniss' hands in her own. She uses her thumb to rub along Katniss' knuckles, tracing each peak and valley slowly. "What do we do now?" she asks softly, her hair falling around her face as she looks down to Katniss.

The younger girl looks up, grey eyes glossy. "Whatever you want."

* * *

When Katniss utters those three words, the last thing she expected to Johanna to do was kiss her. But she does. Desperately. Hungrily. ..Tenderly. Her hands cup Katniss' face, pulling her up into an intense kiss that nearly makes her knees go lame. Johanna's tongue rims her lips, probing her mouth for entry and letting out a small moan when Katniss obliges. Johanna slides her tongue against Katniss', pausing only to breathe. What a cruel decision to have to make between kissing and breathing. Johanna, without a moment's thought, would always choose the former if it meant kissing Katniss.

When they break away, Katniss' breath hitches at the sight before her. Johanna's hooded light brown eyes, her lips swollen and parted, a few panted breaths puffing out from between them. "Not here," Johanna says huskily, taking Katniss by the hand leading her upstairs. When they reach the second floor, Johanna stops abruptly, looking around at the doors.

"What's wrong?"

Johanna bites her lower lip. "I don't know which room is yours." Katniss breaks into a smile, leading Johanna into her bedroom. It still smells the same - leftover lavender and lemon from her bath, the faintest hint of roses. But she has no time to think about it as Johanna pulls her in for another punishing kiss, pushing her jacket off of her and onto the floor.

The younger girl runs her finger along the hem of Johanna's shirt, her fingernails scraping the sensitive skin of Johanna's stomach. The older girl lets out a small gasp at the touch, emboldening Katniss to pull the shirt off her head and expose Johanna's top. She bites her lip in anticipation as she cups Johanna's breasts in her hands, moving her fingers along the sinfully soft skin. Johanna's head tilts back, her eyes shut as she loses herself in the feel of Katniss' hands on her. But she wants to feel more. Nay, she _needs _to feel more. She reaches down and yanks Katniss' shirt over her head, deftly undoing the clasp of Katniss' bra and letting it hit the ground.

Katniss takes Johanna by the shoulders and pushes her toward the bed. Johanna lands with a soft thud on the mattress, kicking off her shoes as she watches Katniss do the same. Katniss leans down, pulling Johanna into a kiss as the older girl shimmies back onto the center of bed. Katniss straddles her lap, deepening their kiss as Johanna undoes her buttons on her pants, pulling both her khaki pants and her underwear off in one movement. Johanna leans back, drinking in the sight of the nude girl before her. She has seen Katniss naked before, but to feel the warmth tingling her body as the girl who holds her heart hovers above her, it makes her head swim.

Nobody should have this much control over someone else. But in that moment, in all of Johanna's life since Katniss was Reaped, she had always been in the palm of the younger girl's hand.

When Katniss' body touches hers, Johanna gasps with the realization that she has been disrobed as well. Katniss' thigh makes contact with her center and Johanna involuntarily jerks upward, causing the younger girl to grin. Her head hits the pillow as Katniss moves her lips down her jaw, stopping just below her ear to suckle on the skin there. Surely a small purple mark with appear tomorrow, but tonight it doesn't matter. Johanna grips Katniss' hair in her hand, her other hand trailing up and down Katniss' side as the girl licks the tiny mark below her ear.

The brunette runs her lips down to Johanna's collarbone, moving her tongue along the bone until she dips it between Johanna's cleavage. She runs her hands along Johanna's arms until she clasps her hands in each of the other girl's, entwining their fingers and sliding them along the mattress until she has them pinned beneath Johanna's head. Slowly she drags her wet lips toward Johanna's breast, swirling her tongue around the peaked nipple. Johanna gasps and bucks her hips, but Katniss continues to hover tantalizing above her. After thoroughly abusing one, she moves to the other, biting the skin around her nipple before taking the bud in her mouth and massaging it with her tongue.

"Please," Johanna begs, her eyes watching the other girl tease her. Without control of her hands and Katniss withholding her touch, Johanna is desperate for friction. Katniss looks up at her, kissing her sweetly on the mouth.

She shakes her head. "No." She ducks her head next to Johanna's ear, flicking her lobe with her tongue. "Slow," she whispers hoarsely into her ear, eliciting a low moan from the other girl. Katniss continues kissing down Johanna's body, alternating between open-mouth kisses on Johanna's pale abdomen and slow trails of her tongue. She releases Johanna's hands as she settles between her legs, nipping at the soft flesh of Johanna's inner thighs.

Johanna's head thumps backward onto the pillow, chewing on her bottom lip to prevent herself from begging. Her entire body was fraught with tension, stinging with need as Katniss continued to slowly move her mouth everywhere except _exactly _where Johanna wanted her. She had so longed to feel Katniss' touch again, and she knew the younger girl was right in relishing the moment. But the need...

Katniss' tongue interrupts Johanna's thoughts - in fact she decimates them entirely as she runs her tongue from the bottom of Johanna's sex to the top in a mercilessly slow movement. She dips her tongue in between Johanna's folds, deliberately moving her tongue in a slow rhythm inside the other girl. Johanna's hips move to try and meet Katniss' tongue to her clit, but the younger girl merely removes her tongue entirely, running it along the area in between her thigh and her center.

Johanna whimpers and pushes her backside into the bed in frustration. Katniss continues to move her tongue in and out of Johanna's sex, her hands under her thighs and fingernails digging into the tops of Johanna's legs. Johanna's hands cup her own breasts, massaging them and rubbing her nipples in an attempt to hasten her release from the slow onslaught of Katniss' tongue.

The brunette's eyes roll in arousal as she watches Johanna touch herself, and she moves her tongue slowly to Johanna's clit, barely budging it from within her mouth to apply a small amount of pressure on the nub. Johanna hisses in delight, forcing herself to keep her hips down. Katniss continues to gently rub her clit with her tongue, keeping it inside her mouth and softly coaxing the bundle of nerves with featherlight pressure.

She wants to be slow. She wants to draw this night out as long as she can, _because_ she can. They are finally not bound to time for any reason. They are not doomed for death any longer. She wants to savor Johanna, to etch each and every inch of her into her memory. Johanna's whimpers of need become louder and Katniss smiles into her sex. She places her lips on her clit, sucking it gently and flicking her tongue out intermittently.

Slowly she enters two fingers inside the girl, causing Johanna to yelp in surprise. It is replaced by a low moan as Johanna begins rocking her hips in tandem with Katniss' fingers. It doesn't take long - after much too much teasing - for Johanna's walls to begin clenching around Katniss' soaked fingers, her orgasm rippling through her body with such force she sees stars.

Katniss continues slowly licking Johanna's center, coating her tongue and mouth in Johanna's arousal. Johanna tangles her fingers in Katniss' hair, using it to pull the other girl to her, kissing her on the mouth and letting out a guttural moan as she tastes herself on Katniss' lips. For a moment they simply lay there, Johanna reveling in the feeling of Katniss' naked body against her own. Katniss settles with her back to Johanna's front, and Johanna wraps her arm around Katniss' waist.

Johanna places open mouth kisses along Katniss' back, snaking her hand up to cup Katniss' breasts, kneading the flesh in between her fingers. Katniss arches into her, and Johanna slowly moves her hand down Katniss' taut stomach to her sex, slowly dipping her fingers inside the girl. The younger girl moans, reaching back to tangle her fingers in Johanna's hair. Johanna props herself up on her elbow, using the leverage to push deeper inside the girl, adding a second finger inside Katniss. She moves her fingers inside the girl, flattening her hand against Katniss' clit. Roughly she rubs the bundle of nerves with her palm, curling her fingers inside her. She wraps some of Katniss' hair in her hand, pulling it with a little force as she continues to fuck her fingers inside Katniss, her own dripping wet center pushing against Katniss' backside.

Katniss suddenly turns over, pushing her lips against Johanna as the older girl fucks her harder, her thumb swiping across her clit. She reaches her own hand down and plunges it without warning inside Johanna, whose leg instinctively wraps around Katniss' thigh to allow her more room. They move against each other, their lips never parting as they try and push each other closer to climax. Katniss comes first with a loud scream, burying her face into Johanna's shoulder and clenching her teeth in a hard bite on Johanna's shoulder, surely breaking the skin.

The pain sends Johanna over the edge, convulsing against Katniss' hand as she floods the other girl's palm with her arousal. They sink into each other, Katniss nestling into Johanna's chest, her thigh in between Johanna's. Their breaths puff out in an erratic rhythm, hearts beating wildly. Johanna wipes her hand on her side, then reaches backward to get to the drawer. Katniss frowns at the lack of contact, making a small grunt of disapproval.

Johanna smiles, finding the small object and gripping in between her fingers. She finds Katniss' left hand, slowly pushing the band of metal onto Katniss' finger. The fit is nearly perfect, she notes with a proud grin. Katniss looks down, her brows knit in confusion at the ring around her finger. The metal is not exactly silver, but glistens in the dim light of her room like it was alive. There are flecks of differently colored gems, a large green gem the centerpiece. An emerald. Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognizes it. It's her birthstone, her father had told her, from a time when birthdays were larger occasions. How Johanna knew was ...a mystery. Maybe she didn't, maybe she only knew Katniss' favorite color was green. Either way, she was touched but also confused. She looks up into Johanna's eyes, searching them for the answer.

"I thought you said you didn't know which room was mine," Katniss teases, placing a small kiss on Johanna's lips.

The older girl smirks. "I lied." They fall into another silence before Johanna speaks up again. "I meant what I said," Johanna replies vaguely, twisting the ring around Katniss' finger. She watches the girl's grey eyes as they search, and then grow wide as she finds the answer in her brain. The proposal. Katniss goes to say something, but Johanna kisses her chastely on the lips. "I love you. I just ...wanted to do it right. Not for anyone else, just for you." Johanna pauses, a small blush appearing on her already flushed cheeks. "We don't have to do anything soon, or ...ever, really. I just wanted you to know that ...I'm yours. Forever."

Katniss fights the tears threatening to collect in her eyes, returning Johanna's chaste kiss with a more vulgar one, her newly ringed hand coming to rest on the side of Johanna's face. As they break apart, Katniss smiles. "I love you, too." She buries her head in Johanna's chest, allowing the tears to spill onto Johanna's sweat-slicked skin. "Forever?" she mumbles against Johanna's still-quickly beating heart.

Her response is instant. "Always."

* * *

**A/N: To be honest, I didn't exactly expect to end the story so soon. But after reuniting my girls, I felt like it was appropriate. I didn't want to throw them through another unnecessary gauntlet. I may come back to the story and add more chapters, but this is the end for now. Thank you guys so much for the positive feedback and all the follows! I had a blast with this little twist on the trilogy. I anticipate starting another fairly soon, since now I'm proper addicted to writing/reading Joniss. Chapter title taken from Paramore's "The Only Exception."**


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